Is it bad to be a virgin at age 18 (nearly 19)

[zAkAtAk]

I read all these posts and most if not all of you seem sexually active. Is it wrong for me to be a virgin this late in my life? I want to lose my virginity, but I just cannot find the right person to lose it with. I'm a nice guy and I only really fall for nice girls (whom I suspect are also virgins). We never get too far. I've never even gotten a handjob or a blowjob from someone else. What is wrong with me? Am I going to be this lonely forever?

[heatherlu]

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at your age. There are way more people out there who have yet to lose their virginity at your age than you probably realise. the problem - I presume, lies on our society, and our expectations of one another and the double standards we set for ourselves.

You say you want to lose your virginity but can't find the right person to do it with. This says to me - that although the idea of the sexual act its self is appealing it is more important to you that you do it with someone you actually care about. Otherwise I imagine you'd have done it by now.If I'm wrong - there's a pretty easy solution, go out to bars, clubs ... anywhere. There are plenty of girls who would be happy to attend to your needs.

But assuming I'm right with my suspicions, you want to wait for someone you're comfortable with. But when you find them, you need to make the effort to move a relationship forward. And don't be scared to talk about things.People just expect things to happen - but there are usually no easy solutions. These 'nice girls' you fall for are probably just as nervous as you, but also just as curious and willing. Don't be too shy, or nervous, or negative - the worse that can happen is a simple 'no' - which leaves you no worse off than where you are right now.

[zAkAtAk]

I'm just really tired of waiting. I know I really want to know what it feels like, to have sex and everything. But it is just so tempting to just do it with a stranger. That is so far against my morals. I at least want to have feelings for the person that I have sex with. I just can never get in the right situation. I have only had 2 girlfriends and neither of them got far at all. It has to be me.

[heatherlu]

I know plenty of people who have had sex for the first time with someone they never saw again - and regretted it looking back. It's important to remind yourself what you want it to be like, and how you want to remember that moment so as not to compromise yourself. You can only lose it once, so don't be in a hurry to do so. There are plenty of people in the exact same position as you are in so don't feel like there is something wrong with you.

[zAkAtAk]

I still can't shake the feeling that I am missing out. There is a whole other world that is just waiting for me to dive into. I try to find girls and I try to make them feel special. I do everything right, and I still get nothing. I just don't understand at all. I'm really starting to get impatient, but there is nothing I can do about it.

[heatherlu]

Getting with a girl isn't always as simple as treating them nice and making them feel special. We're complicated people. Sure - we want to feel like we're the most special person in the world, but we also want to feel like you're something worth fighting for. It's a two way thing, flirt, treat her nice - but let her do some of the work too; keep a bit of mystery. Sometimes doing everything right can be too perfect. We do like to work for our rewards not just have them handed to us.

[zAkAtAk]

I didn't mean like that. I do all the special things that girls dream that guys do. I also let her fill her part. I just don't understand. I give them what they want. I do what they ask. I had feelings for them. They knew that and I thought they had feelings for me, but I'm always wrong. I never get anything in return. Maybe it's not me, it was just them, I don't really know.

[sweet17]

Perhaps you're not beinb agressive enough. Many girls expect the guy to make the first move so even though you are tentative, and I can totally understand that you wouldn't want to make them get the wrong impression, you shouldn't be afraid to move forward. Think about what all those other guys are doing that you're not.

[zAkAtAk]

Sweet17, I think that is my problem. I don't want to be perceived as a guy that just wants sex, but I do want some. I am a bit tentative, as you said, and that's what's holding me back. Do you think I'm not aggressive enough? What can I do to change this behavior?

[CubanGuy]

I still feel like that to sometimes.im not a virgin but I still get kinda shy makin the move on girls.but you just gotta balls up and do it. you'll get there man.

[Ellex89]

There is nothing wrong with you. I was 18 when I lost my virginity and there is nothing wrong with that. This same person is also the same one I did a lot of my sexual maturing with. I think you just have an idea of what you want from your relationships and if you can't get that you don't see the point in starting a sexual relationship with them. You're aren't the only 19 year old virgin so don't think that. I know plenty of guys who chose not to whip it out at 14 and they're all happy with the fact that when they finally do lose their virginity it will be with a person who they won't later regret.

It's also possible you're just shy about moving things forward. You mentioned that you only fall for really nice girls and that usually means they won't try anything with you because of just that, they're nice. If you want to take a relationship to the next level you need to make an effort to do so, the most a girl can do is turn you down and if that's the case you're just back to where you started. No harm no foul. I hope that helped.

[isunkyourboat]

NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU! I am also 18 and also a virgin. Taking all biblical aspects away from saving sex til marriage, if you have sex before you're married you tend to depend on that all the time instead of getting to know everything about that person. My boyfriend is not a virgin and feels bad for not saving sex til marriage. He plans on marrying me in the future and feels ashamed because he can't give his whole self to me, but only part of him. Me on the other hand will be giving all of myself to him if that makes any sense. Think of it like this: The person who you are dating or planning to just fool around with is some other guy's future wife. Your future wife (who you do not know yet) is out on a date with some other guy. Do you want him fooling around with her? If not, then why would you want to have sex with some other dude's future wife...you would be a hypocrite.

google Brad Hennings...funny dude. he can explain things a while lot better than I can. and he uses humor in it too. =]

[zAkAtAk]

I could care less what my future wife did with other men before me.

[Tech21]

dude I lost my virginity at 19 and so did my good friend and we are both very good looking(no homo) we just didn't know how to get girls. if your exceptionally good looking in highschool you can intimidate girls. mostly guys go to parties were everyones drunk that's how they start hooking up and get laid. I was hardcore into sports so I didn't go to many parties in highschool so I never had that chance. so basically you gotta settle one of my friend lost his virginity as a sophmore with an ok girl now there's no pressure to get laid so you can spend time on the dimes and he gets a lot of girls sexy ones too.

my other friend lost his viriginty at 19 he lied to his girlfriend and told her he wasent and that he had sex with a lot of girls ( and she totally bought ) I'm not saying to do this but if your one of the guys that girls that don't know you well ( like me and my friend ) think your some kind of pimp than my advice will work. honestly I wouldn't tell her you are a virgin I didnt, just be confident girls like that and don't sweat it, when you try to hard to get laid you probably won't just take the opportunities you get don't force anything once you lose it you will feel a huge sigh of relief I hope helps, don't forget to be confident and DONT SWEAT IT

[l-hedoniste]

Here's something, for what it's worth: The woman I lost my virginity to, didn't fall for her, didn't love her. I was ready, she was willing.

If the itch drives you that mad, scratch it and be done. There's time enough for love.

[zAkAtAk]

How do I go about finding such a girl?

[l-hedoniste]

Make it clear to your friends that you're losing your virginity *yesterday* and you'll be pleasantly surprised who shows up. Be pleasant, be patient, flirt.

[zAkAtAk]

LOL. How do I go about doing that. Do I just like walk in on one of my female friends and be like, "I'm looking for some sex". That seems both awkward and rude.

[l-hedoniste]

Not the one you're going to sleep with, obviously. You're looking for advice, counsel. It takes an eye to spot a woman who'll sex you with no strings attached, and if you don't have those eyes, you need to recruit someone who does. Or, you could hire a pro.

[Kickrockslosers]

What you are experiencing is not lonliness it's lust and impatience. Stay a virgin until you find a worthy girl, and when you find one, wait one month more. LOL! Don't worry about HJ's or BJ's. There's nothing wrong with you. You are on the right track by remaining a virgin until you find the right person. So many people make the decision to end virginity for the wrong reasons. Make sure when you do it, it's for the right reason. Hang in there!

[rachiee]

There's nothing wrong with you at all. Loosing your virginity all really depends on meeting the right person and it being the right time for both of you. If that hasn't happened yet then that's a sign it never was meant to happen in the past. Don't give up on meeting someone, because I'm sure you will.

[RedStiletto]

Honey...I wish it was 10 years from now and you could look back at your question...by that time you will have had amazing sex with a woman and know that you are a normal dude. I was 20 when I lost mine and am happy to spill that bit of information to people who are intersted. Just be patient and it will happen, and also, please be selective about who you end up giving it to. It is a special thing, no matter how many times in one day you can be de-sensitized to that fact. People take losing their V too lightly and I'd hate for you to be one of those people who regret giving it up to someone who wasnt worthy. The right girl will think it's the coolest thing on the planet and so should you. Hang in there :)

[Bubbacup]

Why don't you look up losing virginity and you will find hundreds of guys (and girls) in your position, and loads of them have answered here too. Some are years older...that's not me trying to make you lose hope...I'm just trying to say that it happens for everyone when it's meant to. And if you let time tell I have a feeling that when it does happen for you, you'll be so glad of the time, the place and the girl...and be glad you didn't rush into it with someone who couldn't care less about you and vice versa!

But you will not be alone forever, it's generally when you stop looking that you find someone, so chill out and do your own thing for a while and let love/sex/a decent girl, find you!

[sexygirl_322]

i think its okay.

just keep waiting on that girl, she will come.

lol I'm right with you, with waiting on someone kinda special.

[frontman930911]

1. there's nothing wrong with you.

2. If you want to do it, do it.

3. If you don't want to do it, don't do it.

It really is just that easy.

[Allegory]

No, don't rush it. There is nothing that your going to miss that a few years will not solve with the right girl.

I am not saying there is a perfect someone for all of us but bad sex is worse then no sex. Don't stress in fact stress is what might be hurting you find a good girl and moving on.

Eliminate the worry, relax, be confident, tell yourself that if it happens today or next decade it doesn't matter you just like meeting cool girls, laughing, kissing whatever.

Take the stress out as much as you can and it will grease the wheels trust me on that.

[Juneflower19]

It is not bad to be a virgin at age of 18 and 19. I am a 19 female who still has my virginity. I haven't found the right guy yet. So don't worry about anything you will find that perfect girl. You still have time.

[sweetaspie]

There is nothing wrong with not sleeping around and messing around with girls. I don't know when it became such the norm for young kids to just have sex for the hell of it. You will find someone who is worth you while and once you do decide to be with that person you will still feel good about yourself, because you won't regret what you have done like most kids your age.

[regular-guy]

There is nothing wrong with you. Keep the nice guy label and keep looking for the nice girls, it will be worth it in the long-run. You have a self-selected population here, and those who post are more likely to be more sexually active due to the nature of the site. Many, non-sex obsessed people would never bother reading or writing a lot of the trash that is posted here. I understand your angst, really I do. I was your age and still virgin at the time, but really I am glad that I was. That is now something special that only me and my wife have ever shared together. I got married at 24.5 years old. Honestly, I was so busy throughout most of my college life that I never really even thought about it much. Plus I surrounded myself with good people that helped keep the focus on other fun, non-sex related activities.

[Reeses-pieces777]

no it is not a bad thing to be virgin.

[teejay85]

23 year old virgin here! I am not religious. It's just my choice. I'm happy you are a virgin, I think we need more of us.

[faberfan]

Nothing is wrong with you, except the fact that you think being a virgin is somehow wrong. I've only had sex with one girl, and I lost my virginity to her last year, which would make me 20. It took me a while to find a girl I was that comfortable with, and a girl that I loved.

Being a virgin is fine. There's no hurry to lose it. I mean, you can only lose it once. The right girl will come, you just have to put yourself out there and believe that it will happen.

[sballer5]

i have this exact problem except that I'm almost 21...but no I don't think there's anything wrong with you. it's hard because it seems like everybody's already had a major relationship or something and lost it... I want to wait for somebody that I can tell cares about me and I care about them but I'm having a really hard time finding anybody special. all I've heard is that people are looking for sluts nowadays, but nice people later in life. sad for us I guess.

[Elysia]

NO!

Don't give in to the hype! I lost my virginity at 19 because I saw that movie "The 40-Year Old Virgin" and thought the rest of the world would perceive me as a loser. It's not true! It's a very admirable virtue in this world and waiting for the right person will ensure you NEVER regret losing it! I was raped and I can tell you how much emotional pain is involved when you DO find that "right" person and realize you have nothing to give them.

Just give it time. If you're ashamed, no one has to know but the people you deem important.

[chrisF1979]

Well cheer up buddy. I did`t have sex yet too when I was your age, and now I have plenty! Wait until you have a steady girlfriend (and make sure not to force her into it!) and everything will work out. The girl 2 answers below is right, you`ll find someone when you have stopped looking.

[tex151]

Na man it's normal my friend was 21 when he lost his virginity and I think he was like 20 when he got his first blow job. Some guys want to wait for that special girl and others like me just don't care who they have sex with the first time, I was like 15 when I lost it to some chick she offered and I took it cause I didn't want to be a virgin anymore. If you want to lose it find a girl whose not a virgin, I mean she may not be the girl of your dreams but she will probably say something like aw that's cute well I guess we will have to take care of that for you I'll be gentle I promise. You don't have to lie to her if your a virgin just tell her and chances are you won't be one for long after that.

[metaldave20]

i think the question is do you love ur first?, what I mean is does ur first time influence whether you love that person and stay loved to them

[GirlFriday]

That's bonkers. I'm 21 and still a virgin. There's nothing wrong with you or I. You just (I suspect) haven't met the right person yet. Neither have I. Don't be afraid to flirt and approach girls a bit more. Don't get hung up about it. :D

[doublej]

You said your a nice guy, so probably. The sad truth is that yes, if you respect women you'll probably be lonely but if you learn smooth lines and figure out how to inflate their lack of any personal fulfillment, you might get laid. Being able to go to bars helps. That's where' the whores are.