Why are men so hard on themselves?

Question

I'm regarding this to the damn penis thing. Once again, there's some mopey guys haunting the forum because they feel insignificant as men do to their sizes. The question proposed was pretty much saying that it's all women's fault that men have this insecurity.I was like...uh...how?Some dude was like, oh because women set high expectations for that, or fantasize about it and stuff. What the hell does that prove? Absolutely nothing.We can all agree that the major drive in a woman for pairing, breeding, love all that stuff - is to find the best suited father for her and her offspring. However long his tool is for making the kids - that's not a super pressing matter in comparison to all the things women NEED for a healthy nuclear family / relationship.A big d*** can't create an incredible legit relationship on it's own. There's waaaay more women want from a guy than his damn size.I think out of all the things us ladies require for our ideal partners, I'd say penis size is roughly at the bottom of the list. Maybe a tad higher for the smaller majority of women who prefer way above average sizes.I think guys are the ones who associate a lot of their masculinity in their penis size, because they sub conciously think a man with a bigger member will produce bigger amounts of sperm or be able to get many women - but we all know a big penis size in a guy can only take him so far - and usually he gets hooked up with sluts or less worth while women because his whole perspective if focused on how big he is. ( Not all big guys, but a lot of the one's I've encountered always have to mention how large they are, like really dude? Impress me with some intelligence huh? Not your nasty 15 foot long d*** :P )Anyway,I don't get why dudes are so hard on themselves about this? We love you men regardless - so stop eating yourselves alive about it :(

JonnyGR · Accepted Answer

Well to put it in short... how I think of it...

In terms of 'evolutionary theory' of sexual attraction within males and females;

Females have many many traits and characteristics which seem to define femininity, which are traits that appeal to a majority of the male population for that reason (in a sexual way).

For some examples; full breasts, perky butts, big waist to hip ratio, slenderness or curvaceousness, leg length and breadth, skins radiance, skins texture, low fat, fat where its appealing (breasts, butt, waist, some thighs), symmetrical facial features, large eyes, full eyelashes, narrow chins, small hands, small feet. Its well, less compacted characteristics that define her femininity and therefore physical attractiveness.

Which seems a lot of pressure, on the negative side, but how it works is the probability of many of the characteristics being within these criteria is higher because of the vastness of the defined characteristics of femininity, but also probability of having less of these specific characteristics.

This means there's a miss match of un-appealing and appealing characteristics, which neutralize into the attraction of the female. Now I've already stated I'm talking 'evolutionary traits', which I believe applies to a vast population of male preferences in females, but we all know there's vast differentiating preferences that deviate from this strict range. So its being too objective, so no need to threat over one's possessions of these characteristics, but its an example and is justified well. (Find a guy with preferences for your characteristics, probability is within 3 billion guys, he's out there; more than enough of them)

Anyway, I am saying this because characteristics defining masculinity in guys, are much less vast. (And again this is relevant in terms of sexual appeal of masculine traits to females).

Therefore for example, we are inhibited to a smaller range of traits such as; Height, Body tone and health/ strength, Body hair and penis size. These traits define masculinity - in terms of appeal to females in the 'evolutionary theory' if your not with me again. So you can see there's far less characteristics, and therefore, less to be lacking and still counterbalance with positive characteristics in these examples, for example, toned muscular body (within a large variation of preferences of course), being tall, and having a large penis.

Having a large penis seems to, be portrayed within the media and within development of social acceptance of vocalizing sexual topics, as a positive and desired trait. It seems to developed from a humoring aspect, of the shallowness of the theory, that a large penis will outway a males inhibited financial success, good looks and health; into a socially desirable trait which depicts these humoring theories as truth - to a majority of females.

I know this isn't true, but it's how its been depicted within the media and therefore impacted the social perception of it.

J_White90 · Accepted Answer

I would first like to say that I definitely agree with you and, while I'm human and feel insecure about stuff sometimes (my penis included), I definitely don't "freak out" about it. I will say this though, it seems that two of the most common responses women have to this are either:

a) With all the stuff guys criticize us for, I don't really care if he feels bad about it.It's how you use it which is more important than size

AND/OR

b) It's how you use it which is more important than size.

Well I have two things to say/ask in response to that:

a) Girls often have ways of altering or masking their flaws (makeup, push-up bras, and body-shape changing clothing being the most common). Well guys have NOTHING with which we can effectively change our size (without potentially damaging surgery). I think that definitely plays into the "sense of hopelessness" some guys have.

b) And what if he's a bad lover? Let's say there are two guys, one who's 7 in and the other who's 4-5, and both are equally BAD. Which one do you think is more likely to be able to please the average woman?

PHLove · Accepted Answer

Given the fact that men cause women to worry about their boob size, @ss size, pant size, too fat vs. too muscular vs. too skinny, hair, how they look with make up, how they look without make up, and a number of other things to the point where there's a multi-billion dollar industry built around it I could really care less if guys freak out about their d*cks once in awhile.  I think you're right, most girls don't care as long as it's not like 3 inches or anything but guys are so picky and so judgmental towards women they should imagine how they feel about their d*ck insecurity and imagine how it feels when it's your whole body you have to constantly worry about.  It's not enough to look good, you have to maintain it until you're so old it doesn't really matter what you look like anymore.

Hyped_up_on_coffee · Accepted Answer

Because some guys are little bitches about everything. They do not realize that either

a) romantic touchy feely stuff is more important to a lot of girls

b) most of us realize that the average guy is average

c) they watch too much p*rn

d) girls who are size queens usually have queen sized vaginas.

Phoenix1991 · Answer

Its sort of the same thing with women who are insecure about their breasts/butt/physique/etc.

I'm not saying I'm better then anyone, everyone is insecure about something. Its like the bigger/longer your tool is manifestation of ones testosterone level or something.

Guys like to feel well, manly and strong and attractive, Same with women except the manly part, unless they want that, which is cool too I guess.

The world is a unique and funny place.

TurbulentDan12 · Answer

I really don't understand the obsession and all of the questions that get posted on GAG, but not everybody is in the same situation. Everybody has their own insecurities, and while penis size isn't mine I can see why some guys would make such a huge deal out of it.

You touched on exactly what I think the problem is. People associate masculinity with penis size (along with other things of course) so guys who don't measure up feel as if they aren't very manly. I always thought it was sort of like girls and boob size but there is a huge difference. You can't see penis size from looking at a guy. So each and every guy has no one to confide this secret in except themselves and the smaller guys feel the need to hide it. So it eats away at them. They think that they are less of a man when really it doesn't matter as much as society makes it out to be.

sa230e · Answer

This is what male depression looks like in the 21st century. As pathetic as it may seem to outsiders, these guys are in severe emotional distress and are legitimately suffering. I know because I speak from personal experience. I've been through it and I've emerged as a stronger person although my problems with mental illness are far from over.

Longshot · Answer

Both men and women have body insecurities because of all the hype, media and advertising surrounding it. For some reason everything you see/read/hear makes you think that having a big penis or big breasts is some key to success in relationships. The whole thing is absolutely ridiculous.

kheserthorpe · Answer

I think you'll see a lot of the fear (not all) comes from younger, sexually inexperienced guys.

Women tell them 'its not your size, its what you do with it'.

As though that is supposed to make some likely-premature-ejaculating-virgin feel better.

Basically, guys want to FEEL sexually desireable and worthwhile. That's a powerful need, and one many guys are NOT getting fulfilled in any way.

himoto15 · Answer

I hate my penis. Big guys are lucky. Look at me I am black and don't have the luxury of the stereotype. I am fucked.

TheGodEmperorLeto · Answer

Lots of them are idiots. But women are the same. Women hating on themselves about their thighs or their breasts or their stomach or their butts or their eyes or their hair or their whatever.. seriously.. seen the stupidity from both sides. Makes no sense.

raptor · Answer

I applaud this.

c7777 · Answer

I can understand why some guys are a little insecure about it eventhough I'm not, its just one of those things. Something like 70% of guys fall withinan inch or an inch and a half of average size anyways, its not like penis sizes vary greatly like breasts do. Although the insecurity about size I'm sorry, is a result fo women nowadays. I've seen stupid sh*t on TV like "he has small hands.. probably has a small penis too" ( that's like judging a girls butt when youve only seen her chest, "shes got a small chest so she must have no ass" guys don't do that but its basically the same thing and its retarded.) I've also heard girls judge a guys size by feeling it when its soft... are you that dumb? lol its just dumb girls saying stupid things that get some guys insecure.

rodgers12 · Answer

as long as my girlfriend likes it, I'm fine with it

Xx_DRE_xX · Answer

It's impossible, he can only feel so secure about it for so long until we question ourselves. Its a diease.

Anonymous · Answer

Girls wouldn't even begin understand the amount of mental pain and torture guy goes through with this issue, it eats away at a man until he's nothing but a shell

Anonymous · Answer

Men hear women openly talk about a guy's large penis almost out of admiration, bragging, or pure lust, and many of us have heard women denounce a guy for being small - even though he may simply be an average size. Enough of us have heard women say that bigger is better that we feel inferior with our size, even if it's average. For me, it's less about how much of a man I feel like. It's about how much pleasure I can give her, and whether or not I can give her the same amount of pleasure as a man with a larger penis. Not being her ideal is scary for me, and many other men.

Anonymous · Answer

Men are competitive, if you have two good fathers and lovers one with a big d*** and one with an average d***, almost all the girls would pick the guy with the big d***, that's just a cruel fact of life

And women do have more unrealistic expectations, have you seen girls on here?

Guys can see a girl's breast size and butt size and body before they even talk to her, but girls don't see a guy's penis until after, which is harder on guys because some girls have higher expectations

Anonymous · Answer

I feel burdened by this. I feel like less of a man. I feel like I will never pleasure my wife correctly. I feel inferior. A woman can't understand this.

Why are men so hard on themselves?

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