How do I know if my boyfriend is fantasizing about other women?

[Anonymous]

Ok this is really starting to bother me. I've been with this guy for like 2 months and I'm not sure how he feels about other women, I mean sexually. I'd really like to believe I'm the only one he thinks of in that way, because I'm definitely enough for him when it comes to "that". But how can I know for sure if he doesn't fantasize about other women? Also, I heard that guys even when they're in a relationship they still masturbate; in that case, does it mean I'm the one he thinks about when he does it? Because I sure don't think of other men in that manner, it's the same as cheating in my book, so I would never do that. So how do I know? Are there any specific questions I can ask him to find out? Help is appreciated, thanks

[emmablunt1993]

You've only been with this guy for 2 months, so don't worry too much, but if it was a long term relationship, I would say it's make or break, because it is pointless being in a relationship that you are insecure in.

The thing is, guys who do fantasize a lot & are quite sleazy with their choice of women, think all men are like that because they can't see past their narrow-minded brains & realize that perhaps there are men that are devoted to their girlfriends & do not fantasize or look at p*rn,etc not just for respect of their partner, but also because they are genuinely happy.

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years, I had insecurities, I still do, but I've realized this is my issue & my boyfriend has done nothing to provoke my issues.We are very much in love, he compliments me everyday & says how beautiful I am, he never mentions other women or even seems interested in them.I've never found lads mags or p*rn movies.He said he's never been really into that.He's quite a shy guy, he's 26 & I'm the first proper girlfriend he's ever had.He's very unsure of himself with women, & it took him so much courage to ask me out, but he says he wouldn't of done it unless he was completely sure he was crazy about me, as he is so insecure of himself.

I get fed up of hearing that it is completely normal for men to do this because they are red-blooded males & they are visual creatures & all that BS.It's rubbish, men who are quite shallow & sleazy tend to say this because this is what society has deemed as acceptable behavior of men.They are basically allowed to act like they are sex-crazed idiots because the media & society says it's okay.Not all men are like that, trust me.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with looking at members of the opposite gender now & again, but there is difference between thinking, ''Oh, he/she is quite attractive,'' & then completely forgetting about it, & ''Omg he/she is so f***ing hot I want to f*** him/her,'' & then going home & whacking one off about that person.It's disrespectful, I can tell you, most men would not be okay with women constantly staring at other men & commenting on how gorgeous that guy is, it would make them feel so insecure.But women don't tend to do that so much, so most aren't worried.And a lot of men never even think about it, in that respect as they are always taught it is how men are meant to act.

[Levin]

How do you know all this. How do you profess to know what is wrong or right for men to think? How can you state this in such a categorical way, that men who think about other women are 'sleazes'? Have you conducted research? Or do you base your militant, narrow minded and judgmental opinions on the conversations you have with your boyfriend? I find it quite funny that you think that there's nothing unhealthy about a 26 year old having a relationship with a 17. What an immature guy he must be.

[emmablunt1993]

I have never said I 'know' what is right or wrong for men to think.It is my opinion.As you have yours.I think that men should treat women as they would want to be treated, if they would feel insecure about their partner leering at other guys, they shouldn't do it either.I don't think men who think about other women are 'sleazes' as such, it depends on what they are thinking about, how much & in what way, and if they have a partner.No, I do not base my opinions on that, I have my own opinions.

[emmablunt1993]

How the hell can you judge me on my relationship with my boyfriend when you don't know anything about me?I have always been the legal age, right from the beginning of our relationship.I am 18, not 17, by the way.There is nothing unhealthy about it, and I have always been taught age is just a number.My father was 47, & my mum was 18 when they got together, so 7 years is nothing in my opinion.He loves me, & I love him, what is unhealthy about that?You have no right to judge me.

[Asker]

Wow finally someone who understand what I'm going through, I'm not quite as lucky as you to find a guy like that but I totally feel the same, it's NOT OK to just masturbate to whoever you feel like, it's disrespectful and I would be very hurt to know my boyfriend does such a thing. I think of him and only him and I expect the same, I know I deserve that much, I'm a good girl. These people saying it's normal are just in denial because they can't do anything about it, well I want him to be honest with me

[Asker]

and true to our relationship, I hate the idea that "oh it's just his thoughts", that's not the point, he has commited himself to me of his own free will so he has responsibilities to answer for. Thanks so much for your input, I totally feel you!

[Levin]

You're missing my point madame. How quickly you jump to labelling men 'sleazy', shallow, lacking respect for their partner, sex crazed and the like, based on incomplete knowledge and faulty perceptions, but when the shoe is on the other foot? Couldn't one make similar ill-founded comments about your partner and relationship? Surprise surprise the QA BAed the person who confirmed her laughable, self-righteous prejudices.

[emmablunt1993]

Well done, girl, you've got it sussed, it is not fair that guys are 'allowed' to act like jerks nowadays because society says it is okay.Women treat their men like kings, men should do the same.Even women just accept that its 'okay' for men to act this way just because everybody else says its okay.Well not in my book.I am pretty sure your boyfriend would feel like sh*t if you ever fantasized or lusted after other men, ask him how he would feel :)

[emmablunt1993]

I did not label all men like that, that was the whole point of my answer.Not all men think it is okay to act like sleazeballs.I never generalized all men, but I know most men are like that, & other men & women think it's okay, hense the reason they think its acceptable.I think your missing my point, love.How could anyone say such things about my relationship when it is very happy & there is nothing shallow or sleazy about it.I don't understand what your getting at.

[Levin]

never mind. I expected too much from you.

[JackWSmith]

Everyone lusts after other people, male and female. I don't want to see it. I don't want to hear about it, but it's true. Psychologists have found that women are just as bad if not worse than men. When they're not ovulating they're attracted to more feminine guys. When they're ovulating they want the big chin and broad shoulders. This is especially true if they are married. We all have ape in us.

[emmablunt1993]

'Lust' & finding somebody attractive are completely different.I don't 'lust' after anyone.Neither does my boyfriend, neither do most of my friends & their boyfriends.It seems that most of the people on here think it's fine to be in a relationship & fantasize about men & women, celebrities or real people.I could not stand being in a relationship with a guy who thinks its okay to do that.My boyfriend would feel so jealous, as would I.I'm glad I am in a relationship where we are both satisfied.

[Anonymous]

its sad cause I somewhat feel the same way. in a way, I don't mind but there are some girls I rather you not mastubate to. I do not want you to masturbate to my friends or your friends. because that's someone you see everyday and there's always a chance that you'll do it. how would I know that you're thinking about f***ing them when we hanging out together? but you know...i can't stop him. and the only way it can be better is if I trust him more...

people that are insecure always feel like their partner is going to cheat sooner or later. they worry too much and everything. it was either from past relationship or the current boyfriend didn't give enough attention as the others :/

my boyfriend doesn't give me much attention and he's very private. he doesn't wanna talk about anything personal and he likes his space, even if I'm cuddling next to him cause I'm cold. so the more he pushes me away, the more pissed off I get and ill start to go through his stuff. I mean he has to be hiding something if he deletes everything right? everyone knows I'm open, so seeing p*rn or anything doesn't effect me. so WTF ARE YOU HIDING!?

and masturbation is not cheating :/ its just nice to look at something new from time to time. guys masturbate almost everyday. can you imagine him fapping to you EVERYDAY? and then have sex with you? itll get pretty boring and its just fantasizing! its not like we're really doing it :/ you can complain when he starts commenting on your body. my boyfriend does that :(

i usually ask my boyfriend straight out lol

"what are you hiding/deleting? I mean...if I don't like it, ill get mad. if you don't tell me, ill get mad. either way I'm getting mad. but at least for one of them I won't feel like your hiding something from me. I mean geez I rather see gay p*rn on your history than to feel this way"

[saltycheeks]

you can't turn off your hormones... If you think someone is attractive, you will be attracted regardless of whether or not you're in a relationship. You're a liar if you say you don't feel sexually aroused by anyone else...If you breakup are you doomed then? I don't think so. The fact is your boyfriend is not the only person you find sexually attractive.

That being said, you can't control his thoughts or what he is aroused by. Even though I disagree on the masturbation= cheating thing I can see why that would make you insecure. Just know that he's in a relationship with you because you connect on a level that's more than just physical chemistry. There's emotions involved. The women he fantasize about are people he is sexually attracted to, and like I said you're a liar if you deny you aren't sexually attracted to anyone else.

[JackWSmith]

Most people masturbate even when they're in a relationship, even women. I can tell you that when I'm with a girl I'm more likely to masturbate while thinking about her. I don't know if women masturbate while imagining a linear story, but I usually get little flashes of different things, different girls, different places, different situations, or I'll just watch p*rn, which he probably does. This is a problem that you need to get over or your jealousy will drive him away.

[kheserthorpe]

My partner being 'enough for me' and fantasizing about other women are not connected.

I fantasize more about her then anyone else by a wide margin. There's no other particularly woman I fantasize about a lot ... its sort of like 40-50% her, no other woman more then sporadically.

[Shauna27]

Wtf? Are you serious? What are you 13? Masturbating is not cheating. He is only pleasuring himself. Fantasy is not cheating. It's thoughts.

[Misty_04]

You don't have control over his thoughts or his penis. It's totally normal. He's with YOU. Isn't that enough?

[imsocold25]

So true

[Cantremember]

You can't know for sure. So might as well forget about it. Have some trust.

Also, forget about the "masturbation is cheating". That's bullsh*t.

[05Jueey]

Who cares if he fantasizes? Just cause a person is in a relationship doesn't mean they aren't human anymore. We all are attracted to others relationship or not

[iLoveHouseMusic]

There is now way to know... you can ask him that question but only during flirting and in a playful way. However, my advice is don't do it.

[lonetiger]

so are you saying that if you see another guy with a great body, super hot thst you wouldn't even think mmmmm because if you don't your talking bullsh*t.

every guy or girl will think about other people every now and again, doesn't mean they arnt attracted to you. its just biological instinct, unless you give him an ultimate fantasy you will only do with him every now and again like anal or something or your willing to give him sex anytime he wants then its just blind thinking

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure.

[Anonymous]

If you think masturbation and thinking about someone besides you is cheating, well, good luck finding a partner. It sounds like you are incredibly controlling and insecure.

[Anonymous]

lmao, you are obviously not mature enough for a serious relationship

[Anonymous]

Every man thinks about other women you can't stop it...its just like when women read a twilight book and are like "ohhh edward" ya know I don't consider it cheating its natural to think about other people as long as my partner doesn't take it too far and make an actual move ya know...

[graceland]

this should of ben best anwer

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks :)

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing. You don't need to ask any questions to "find out". I can tell you right now.

Yes, he masturbates. Yes, he fantasises about other women.

What goes on in his head is none of your business.

If you start taking the attitude that even thinking about other women is cheating, then he'll just lie and tell you he doesn't. But he does and he will. So will every guy you ever meet.

If you want to be a girl friend, leave him to have his own mind. You're not the thought police.

If you want to go through life with completely unrealistic expectations, then no man will ever measure up. So get a dog, raise him in seclusion so it never sees another human being ever, and it will love you and worship you and think only of you, for its whole short miserable life.

[Anonymous]

Once you ask you open pandora's box. If he wasn't fantasizing about other women, he just might since you mentioned it.