Sexual Health
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My attraction to older men isn't just a fetish?

I always liked older guys. This summer I was attracted to a guy or two old enough to be my dad. personality wise I like them a lot. I just feel good with them. I seek a strong male, like my dad is the domineering type and I expect my husband to be dominant. Doesn't mean abusive or a douche though. Anyhow I don't want a boyfriend my dads age I'm only 20 but I am mature for my age. I'm talking to a guy 12 years older now. would you think this is abnormal considering what I said above? Can it work if we end up clicking well? Considering that he can't really even be my dad, I don't think the age gap is big enough that he is just trying for sex. But I'm a bit worried my friends will give me crap. They don't understand my attraction and what makes me happy. They think I'm sick for liking older guys or that it would just be sexual. But I know myself and how to judge men. If anything I think a guy in his early 30s who wants to settle down will respect me more than a guy my age still wanting to play the field. Help? Advice?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Women have always enjoyed older men for a variety of reasons. Some of them are about that quests of "maturity" which make younger women act too old for their own good sometimes. But mostly it is about the following: car, house, job, money. Think back to only about five hundred years when in Europe, many families forced their teen daughters to marry men in their forties through betrothals in order to secure the family finances. The Asian countries, African tribes and so on did the same thing more or less. Therefore, there is a historical tie to women and older men.

    These days, well; I dunno. From either perspective it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you have an older man, people will see him as a pervert or a stud. They will look at you as a gold digger or a wise young lady. If you don't get an older man, you are praised for dating within your age group while ridiculed for not being a mature lady and going for the car, house, job, money.

    Summary: It's a no win situation.

    Look at some people who say, "Age is just a number." The same folks who doesn't have teen college daughters to keep track from screwing men my age. At the same time, if a 20 year old sophomore gave men the opportunity, would we act our age and refuse? Probably not, even though we should let her go. Damned either way.

    I think it depends on what YOU want. If you just want sex(hence why you posted in the sexuality section), then go for it and keep it discreet. If you want a husband, you may want to rethink this for both his and your sake. if you are looking for a god pot, stop because you won't find it.

  • Your attraction to older men only shows you to be exceptional and forward-thinking. I applaud your great sensibility. ; - )

Most Helpful Girls

  • First of all, being attracted to older men is NOT a fetish. A fetish is an attraction to a certain object without which you CANNOT get off. Like a dude who can't be turned on unless his girlfriend's wearing his socks kind of thing. What you have, is simply a PREFERENCE.

    Second of all, no it is not abnormal. Who gives a f*** what everyone says. Do what you like. You're not like, f***ing corpses are you?

    Third, older men ARE hot. It's not abnormal. Just live with it, dude. Be happy.

    • I agree my friends are just so not supportive.

    • I like older men too. I seriously think they're SO much hotter than guys my age. More mature, intelligent, more experience, and they can be more dominant. Nothing wrong with it.

    • Thank you! I think my friends are weird because overall, on here, etc, it seems like girls do like older guys. But most of my friends, except for one, are anti more than a 5 year age gap. One of my friends even told me "Don't talk to him he's too old for you", she never even met him, she was just basing that on our ages. I am going to do whatever I want in the end, it just sucks to not be able to share with my friends. If we end up dating I guess I'll tell them but still.

    • Show All

  • It's not what others think but what you think and want. We all have our likes and dislikes and they certainly are not the same among all of us.

    I personally don't think there is anything wrong with dating older men 10 15 or more years older if you feel good with it.

    Yes some of your age peers will give you some crap, but hey crap easily flushes away.

    • I agree. It just sucks to have unsupportive friends. In the end I will do what I want. I'm not influenced by their opinions it just makes me feel frustrated that I can't talk about it with them if that makes sense.

    • I doubly went through that dating older men and interracially all at the same time. I just brushed it off and now it is seldom I hear much about it, but I am still having my fun living it.

  • It's perfectly normal. Perhaps a psychologist may say that you have the female version of oedipus complex, but tell you what, my parents are 11 years apart and are still going strong! Don't let age stand in the way of true love! (:

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Even if it was "just a fetish"--whatever the hell that means--it's what you like, so you get to have it. Period, end of story.

    "I'm a bit worried my friends will give me crap." Give them crap back, and twice as much. It's none of their business, and they need to hear it--LOUDLY.

  • Its pretty normal. Just be aware that while men in their 30's are often more ready to settle down ... the ones who aren't are more likely to be after 20 year old girls.

    Doesn't mean that's always the case, just be careful.

  • I think you should stop over analyzing the age difference. If you've met a guy 12 years older and you seem to be hitting it off, then just continue with the relationship, to see where it goes. I don't think there's anything wrong with that age difference. If you're truly happy, and you're in a relationship for the right reasons, I don't see why any age difference matters.

  • nothing "fetish" about it. its natural. women want a dominate caring man to submit to. all girls who deny this are in denial of their very nature

  • Silver foxes... yum!

  • You know, humans are the only animals who care about age when wanting sex/relationships.

    If it feels right, just do it.

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