Is oral sex a deal breaker?

Is it a deal breaker for you if your partner will not give oral sex or receive oral sex?

Personally it'd be a deal breaker for my partner to not want to receive oral sex, that would make sex boring. I don't plan on receiving oral sex, so that's not an issue for me at all. I doubt such arrangements would be a deal breaker for any guy lol.

How about you?

Updates:
I'm not trying to be rude, but I don't plan on hooking up with any of you or being sexual with any of you, so you can answer the question and keep your "concerns" about my preferences to yourself. Yes, I realize it's a public forum, opinions yaddayadda, but you aren't going to change my perspective or preference. So leave it at that.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly, I'm not sure. I figure I'll decide if and when it happens.

    I've never received it so I don't really know what I would be missing. I don't think I'm as crazy about blowjobs as most guys seem to be. I'm curious and it looks like it feels good but I'm not obsessed with it. I'd like to try it but if I could still be sexually satisfied without it I don't see myself missing it all that much.

    As for giving, I have to admit it would get me down. I've always had sort of a reverence for the female genitalia so, in a rather strange way, it would be kind of like forbidding a religious man to worship. That said, I think I'm an understanding person. I can understand not being secure in your body because I've experienced it myself and I know how bad it can feel. I just can't imagine throwing away an otherwise great relationship with a great woman over it.

    Anyway, now that my I've got my feelings about it out of the way, I want to get down to the heart of the matter. You've mentioned you reluctance to oral sex before and I get the sense that it's not your body that you have a problem with so much as the minds and desires of men.

    When I read your question (and past questions and answers), specifically when you say that most guys would be OK with not giving oral, I see something along the lines of: "I don't truly believe that a man can have altruistic sexual desires. It's always about him and his pleasure."

    I also remember you saying you were so put off by how too many guys here made fun of or were disgusted by womens' vulvas that you could never let a guy close to you in that way. Drawing on that I could add this negative belief: "Men only like the vagina as a nice, cosy home for their penis, not as a beautiful thing in itself. They like to feel (meaning f***) it but don't want to see, smell or taste it."

    To that I'd say that I had, and many men have, similar doubts. They can't shake the feeling women don't like penises. I've seen lots of girls on here say they're ugly, gross and scary. However, you (and many other girls I've seen here) don't seem to mind them. The fact that you would find sex boring without giving him oral seems to suggest that you get something out of it too.

    Is it really that far-fetched, then, that if you like giving it so much that a man might like it just as much? And wouldn't it feel good to have a man completely at your sexual service?

    I think everybody goes through a period where they grapple with the idea that the opposite gender is selfish and uncaring. It's not surprising that it would carry over into sex as well.

    The one-sided nature of oral sex makes it both very selfish and yet very altruistic at the same time. But it takes trust. If you don't trust, you don't make yourself vulnerable and don't get hurt but you also push away the enjoyment that comes from someone accepting and, indeed, loving you in the most personal of places.

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    • "I don't truly believe that a man can have altruistic sexual desires. It's always about him and his pleasure."

      That's pretty much true. Guys always have hidden motives for doing such acts. They do it to get theirs or cause they feel obligated to, not because it's a true enjoyment.

      I like my nether region, so that's no why I don't want oral. I don't want oral because the general male attitude towards oral sex is pretty negative, odors and taste, so I rather not bother someone with such nonsense.

    • Show All
    • I know. I shouldn't have brought up the past discussions on your preferences about oral sex in my answer, though. It got "lively" back then too. It wasn't really part of your question (even though you hinted at it), you were asking what other people thought.

    • It's fine

What Guys Said 17

  • I don't know if it would be a deal breaker, but I'd be quite disappointed not to do oral on her. I really do enjoy it.

    As for me, If we were doing, ahem, a lot of other things, I could probably be okay without receiving oral, but I'd really like to get it once in a while. Doesn't have to be often, as long as sex is varied in other ways.

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  • If it's for medical reasons, then fine. But if she can't get over a hangup like oral, I can't get over her.

    If the blowjob's a hassle, the scarf and blindfold will be a nightmare. Give me a girl who can deal.

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  • Not a deal breaker at first but over time if a girl wouldn't let me talk her into receiving oral it could end up being a deal breaker. I just don't get why a woman wouldn't let a guy she loves and trusts give her oral pleasure.

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  • uhh I wouldn't know, If she wouldn't want to, I would understand...for a while.

    I'm not sure if I can get used to handys being more frequent then oral, I would try but in over time I would be only fooling myself, so it would be a deal breaker.

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  • At first, no because of the excitement and novelty of sexuality.

    As my sexuality matured, I came to expect oral both ways. I would be far less satisfied if only I got it and would feel my lover was unable to give herself to me or receive sexual love completely. With exceptions, it could be a deal breaker.

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What Girls Said 6

  • It would be disappointing in either case, but probably not a deal-breaker. I'd want to know the reason why though, that's pretty important. Maybe I can address their concerns about certain things and they'd be fine with it then. If not, then it would depend on the rest of the sex we're having.

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  • Kinda...maybe...yes.

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  • Actually I think some guys would be disappointed by that arrangement. I guess you just need to find someone who won't be!

    Personally I prefer to both give and receive. I think not getting to do either might be a deal breaker for me, actually. Not so much because I can't survive without it, but because the fact that they weren't open to it would bother me. I think I would be constantly dwelling on why they wouldn't do it, and it would frustrate me.

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  • I love giving my man oral sex. I didn't always, but since I read Jack's Blowjob Lessons, it's the biggest turn on for me. I can't say that it would be a deal breaker, but it's such a normal part of sex, not at all kinky, that I would need a compelling reason to skip it.

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  • I don't think there's a guy out there who would never want a BJ...though I can't prove that.

    I do think many guys would be disappointed if the girl didn't want to be eaten though.

    If a guy flat out refused to ever do it to me...I don't know if I'd definitely leave him but it would be a huge consideration if I had planned to spend my life with him.

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