Is oral sex a deal breaker?

Is it a deal breaker for you if your partner will not give oral sex or receive oral sex?

Personally it'd be a deal breaker for my partner to not want to receive oral sex, that would make sex boring. I don't plan on receiving oral sex, so that's not an issue for me at all. I doubt such arrangements would be a deal breaker for any guy lol.

How about you?

Updates:
I'm not trying to be rude, but I don't plan on hooking up with any of you or being sexual with any of you, so you can answer the question and keep your "concerns" about my preferences to yourself. Yes, I realize it's a public forum, opinions yaddayadda, but you aren't going to change my perspective or preference. So leave it at that.
 

What's Your Opinion?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • Honestly, I'm not sure. I figure I'll decide if and when it happens.

    I've never received it so I don't really know what I would be missing. I don't think I'm as crazy about blowjobs as most guys seem to be. I'm curious and it looks like it feels good but I'm not obsessed with it. I'd like to try it but if I could still be sexually satisfied without it I don't see myself missing it all that much.

    As for giving, I have to admit it would get me down. I've always had sort of a reverence for the female genitalia so, in a rather strange way, it would be kind of like forbidding a religious man to worship. That said, I think I'm an understanding person. I can understand not being secure in your body because I've experienced it myself and I know how bad it can feel. I just can't imagine throwing away an otherwise great relationship with a great woman over it.

    Anyway, now that my I've got my feelings about it out of the way, I want to get down to the heart of the matter. You've mentioned you reluctance to oral sex before and I get the sense that it's not your body that you have a problem with so much as the minds and desires of men.

    When I read your question (and past questions and answers), specifically when you say that most guys would be OK with not giving oral, I see something along the lines of: "I don't truly believe that a man can have altruistic sexual desires. It's always about him and his pleasure."

    I also remember you saying you were so put off by how too many guys here made fun of or were disgusted by womens' vulvas that you could never let a guy close to you in that way. Drawing on that I could add this negative belief: "Men only like the vagina as a nice, cosy home for their penis, not as a beautiful thing in itself. They like to feel (meaning f***) it but don't want to see, smell or taste it."

    To that I'd say that I had, and many men have, similar doubts. They can't shake the feeling women don't like penises. I've seen lots of girls on here say they're ugly, gross and scary. However, you (and many other girls I've seen here) don't seem to mind them. The fact that you would find sex boring without giving him oral seems to suggest that you get something out of it too.

    Is it really that far-fetched, then, that if you like giving it so much that a man might like it just as much? And wouldn't it feel good to have a man completely at your sexual service?

    I think everybody goes through a period where they grapple with the idea that the opposite gender is selfish and uncaring. It's not surprising that it would carry over into sex as well.

    The one-sided nature of oral sex makes it both very selfish and yet very altruistic at the same time. But it takes trust. If you don't trust, you don't make yourself vulnerable and don't get hurt but you also push away the enjoyment that comes from someone accepting and, indeed, loving you in the most personal of places.

    • It's fine

    • I know. I shouldn't have brought up the past discussions on your preferences about oral sex in my answer, though. It got "lively" back then too. It wasn't really part of your question (even though you hinted at it), you were asking what other people thought.

    • Wasn't necessarily directing it towards you, sorry if it came off that way

    • Show Older

What Guys Said 16

  • No oral isn't a deal breaker for me... the deal breaker is if she thinks my d*** is ugly. If she does I'm going to tell her things are not working out, nor do they show any sign of improving, and show her the door.

    Sorry if that makes me a jerk, I'm just very insecure, sensitive, and paranoid about that.

    • And of course, I got voted down for being honest and open. *sarcastic clapping* Good show.

  • If it's for medical reasons, then fine. But if she can't get over a hangup like oral, I can't get over her.

    If the blowjob's a hassle, the scarf and blindfold will be a nightmare. Give me a girl who can deal.

  • At first, no because of the excitement and novelty of sexuality.

    As my sexuality matured, I came to expect oral both ways. I would be far less satisfied if only I got it and would feel my lover was unable to give herself to me or receive sexual love completely. With exceptions, it could be a deal breaker.

  • Yeah, it'd be a deal breaker.

  • Not a deal breaker at first but over time if a girl wouldn't let me talk her into receiving oral it could end up being a deal breaker. I just don't get why a woman wouldn't let a guy she loves and trusts give her oral pleasure.

  • It would be a deal breaker if she doesn't want to give oral sex. I'd like to return the favor, but if she doesn't like to receive it then I'd respect that.

  • Guess we are incompatible...O:O

    • Sorry I thought that "incompatible" was somewhat interchangeable with "deal breaker" But I have been accused of strange thoughts before...O:O

    • Stating we are incompatible isn't an answer. you and I have nothing to do with it. All you could have said was a yes or no

    • Did you...or did you not...ask if it was a deal breaker? And I am saying that it is a deal breaker..I fully understand that you don't give a Frenchman's F***...so the Question matters why? Or is it just my answer that you don't care about?

    • Show Older
  • No. One should like a person for MORE than there willingness to do something like that in bed.

    What are we coming to?

    • Maybe I'm "weird" then. If she didn't want to do it I would respect that. I wouldn't end it over something IMO is so trivial.

    • You can like someone for more then their willingness to do something in bed, but that doesn't mean you want to be in a monogamous relationship with them.

    • I agree up to a point. But oral sex is pretty standard. If a guy wouldn't go down on me, it would affect me emotionally and make me insecure. It's tempting to pull the whole "If you love me enough, you'll put up with such and such" thing, but there are certain times when you just need to be compatible.

  • It may be a deal breaker. But I don't know why a person wouldn't give you oral.

    I mean, it's one of the great things about sex.

    I wasn't a deal breaker for me, but I would have been disappointed if my then-girlfriend didn't want me to give it to her (we're married now).

    And she gives me... some... now and then but I'd much rather have my face buried deep thank you.

    Now, in the past there have been many guys that liked me giving them blowjobs but they would rarely return the favour.

    I'm also heavily into rimming. I'll gladly rim my wife any time. She's not keen on returning the favour but that's OK. It's my fetish, not hers.

    So if a person's mouth wanted me, it was always optional, but my mouth needed action.

    It's essential.

  • You'd think that a guy wouldn't care if a girl doesn't want him to go down on her. But if he does want to do it and she says no then he feels rejected and/or that she is self conscious about her vagina/vulva (the smell, look, or something) which is a turn off. Sex is really important to guys and we want to be good at it, to ensure future sessions. So if a guy wants to go down and she says no for whatever reason he is most likely going to take it very negatively, regardless of her reason or intent, and it most likely will cause a pretty big issue in your sex life...Everyone is different but this is true for me and many other guys as well. I've read about this too.

  • I'm not really a fan of blowjobs so most of the time I tell a girl to bypass them anyway, but I love going down on them so if that's out of bounds it's a deal breaker;however, I have reason to believe that constitutes about 0% of women so it's all good.

  • Not a deal breaker necessarily but I might be a little frustrated by it. But oral sex obviously isn't the only form of intimacy so I wouldn't consider it a deal breaker.

  • uhh I wouldn't know, If she wouldn't want to, I would understand...for a while.

    I'm not sure if I can get used to handys being more frequent then oral, I would try but in over time I would be only fooling myself, so it would be a deal breaker.

  • It would b a deal breaker for me. I love giving and receiving oral. Fore play is a must

  • I don't think it would be a deal breaker, but I might be like "Come on, wtf?"

    And you don't want oral? Why's that?

    • Mmm, I rather not. As I've stated before, my vibrator doesn't complain :)

    • Dude, that's silly though. If a guy doesn't want to, then he'll probably tell you. But if he's open to it, then I say let him go at it. You shouldn't worry about accommodating a guy to such an extent.

    • I don't want it. I'd rather not make a guy actually have to work anyways. My vibrator is good enough for me :) It doesn't complain :)

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  • I don't know if it would be a deal breaker, but I'd be quite disappointed not to do oral on her. I really do enjoy it.

    As for me, If we were doing, ahem, a lot of other things, I could probably be okay without receiving oral, but I'd really like to get it once in a while. Doesn't have to be often, as long as sex is varied in other ways.

What Girls Said 5

  • It would be disappointing in either case, but probably not a deal-breaker. I'd want to know the reason why though, that's pretty important. Maybe I can address their concerns about certain things and they'd be fine with it then. If not, then it would depend on the rest of the sex we're having.

  • Nah, I don't care.

  • Actually I think some guys would be disappointed by that arrangement. I guess you just need to find someone who won't be!

    Personally I prefer to both give and receive. I think not getting to do either might be a deal breaker for me, actually. Not so much because I can't survive without it, but because the fact that they weren't open to it would bother me. I think I would be constantly dwelling on why they wouldn't do it, and it would frustrate me.

  • Kinda...maybe...yes.

  • I don't think there's a guy out there who would never want a BJ...though I can't prove that.

    I do think many guys would be disappointed if the girl didn't want to be eaten though.

    If a guy flat out refused to ever do it to me...I don't know if I'd definitely leave him but it would be a huge consideration if I had planned to spend my life with him.

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