Should I let My Boyfriend Touch me?

[Anonymous]

My Boyfriend and I are both 18. We have been dating for 2 years and 5 months and we have known each other since childhood. He has always respected me and my boundaries. Since he is my first boyfriend I have been a little nervous to do things with him such as kiss and hug but after 2 years into our relationship I finally grew accustom to it. About a week ago We were cuddling while watching a movie and he started to touch me in my private areas(over clothes) I didn't really react to it and let him continue since it felt good and I feel kind of bad that I don't give him a lot of attention(such as hang all over him or make out with him). 5 days later (he comes over just about everyday) we found another movie to watch and began cuddling like always. This time he began to kiss me and started to touch me again. I stopped him a few times because I know one thing leads to another but I'm guessing he could tell I didn't really mind it and began to touch my chest. It felt good, I do confess, but I told him to stop because I am afraid he will think bad of me(think I'm a slut) but he assured me that he wouldn't think of me in that way ever and that he loves me and just wants me to feel good. He does not ask me to touch him and even stops if I really tell him to stop but I still fear that he will think bad of me since I know most boys are out to just get what they want. I love him and I know he does love me, we both said we wouldn't have sex before marriage(which he can swear he is going to marry me), but I know that boys say these things in the heat of the moment sometimes and I fear that he will leave me once he is bored of feeling me up (and disappointing that I do not want to do more things). he assures me that he wouldn't force me into anything and that he respects me but can I trust a teenaged boys word? He has been my best friend for years and I don't want to lose him and his respect. So should I allow him to touch me? Answers are much appreciated, again I don't mind him doing this I'm just afraid that he will think or do the above.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

He's been with you for 2 and half years almost and he's not done anything sexual with you? Nice :P seems he really loves you for you instead of your body and clearly he finds it attractive if he's trying to touch and such.

If you feel YOU are ready to proceed with sex with him or sexual activity, then do so. But make sure you are ready. It's really sweet though that he's been so nice and ya :) not pushing you so hard for sex or making you feel like sh*t for not.

I REALLY doubt he'll think you're a slut. You've not done anything so for 2 and half years and it's not like you're screwing other guys. I guarantee he won't think you're a slut in the slightest. Tbh, THIS is the kinda relationship I think all girls (and guys) should lose their virginity too. A relationship with real love, with commitment, with patience and understanding. Waiting for marriage doesn't really matter, waiting to make sure you're with the person you really love who loves you does. If he feels he's ready and really loves you and if you feel you're ready and really love him, go for it.

I wish more girls would wait as long as you so they can see how a guy's real personality is :) then we'd have less girls who have regretted their first time and/or hate men for "tricking" them into it.

[Feefee]

but that's the whole point of marriage: to make sure you're with the person you really love and who loves you back. Therefore, I think it's necessary to wait for marriage.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Lol, and you know how many people who wait until marriage actually wait a decent amount of time? Barely any. Most rush into marriage so they can have sex and then realize they f***ed up and ya...

[Feefee]

...and that's why divorce rates are getting higher :( So I guess the solution would be for them to wait till marriage, and not rush into it.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

The solution would be to let them do it if they feel they are mentally ready and then marry when they are assured for that. You can have sex before marriage fine. It's not that big a deal or anything bad. It's just bad to rush into it.

[MrWizard]

Figure out what your boundaries are and be very clear with him what is acceptable. There are some great resources at link and link

If he really respects you and is willing to wait for marriage, he will be able to keep his hands to himself. If he would leave now because you are unwilling to give him physical access to your body, he isn't the kind of man you want to marry anyway.

It is very challenging to stick to your ideals, especially when the two of you are alone. Determine your limits, agree together to stick to them, then keep each other accountable. You both can do it. My wife and I waited and it is worth it.

[Feefee]

From the looks of it, it seems like you are not ready to have sex. Also, you guys already made the promise not to have sex till marriage. If he really loves you like he claims he does, he won't mind that you choose not to have sex with him. If he truly is your best friend and you've known each other for a long time since childhood, then he should respect your wishes and not make you feel like you are boring him. Don't have sex with him just because you are scared of losing him. He would be a mega fool if he does get bored with you just because you choose not to have sex with him, and so he won't deserve you in the first place. Please stick to your decision and if you don't want to have sex with him or if you feel uncomfortable with what he's doing, tell him to stop. If he gets annoyed or leaves you because of it, then frigging leave him. What do you rather prefer? To know that a guy genuinely loves you for you and won't ditch you because of lack of sex, or you having sex with him, only to be uncertain whether he genuinely loves you? Choose and choose wisely.

[Asker]

I wasn't asking about if I should wait or not to have sex but thanks for the advice. I am very sure that I don't want to do that before marriage. I'm asking however, if I should let him touch me.

[Feefee]

I see. Then I say you probably shouldn't allow him to touch you otherwise, it would make him think you want to have sex if you allow the touching. Also, him touching you might lead you to 2nd base...unless you can control yourself lol. If you still want the touching but no sex, then maybe you guys can discuss the boundaries lol. Good luck :)

[toulouse]

@I know one thing leads to another___not true. if you say stop he's supposed to stop. that is just in movies where no one can help themselves. in real life, it only continues if you both want it to.

anyways there is no question here. if you are comfortable with him touching u, then let him. if you are not stop him. you don't have to decide 100% one way or the other.. just let things happen naturally. you can tel what is OK, based on whether you are both comfortable, or not. no one here can give you that information.

ethically its your body , do what you want with it. you're not hurting anyone. & if he's going to think your a slut for doing what he's doing, then that's not love, its ownership & you should break up with him anyways,

[love23c]

If you want to wait till marriage that's fine and if he wants to leave you because of that let him that just means he was after one thing but don't let him feel you up too much because he'll think you're just being a tease and want to go further...But if you do like it there's nothing in there's no harm in oral and touching :P lol but he won't respect you if you don't respect yourself so do what you want not what others want

[Nairine]

If you're comfortable with, then you could talk it over with him. Explain how you fear his opinion of you will change. That being said, I think he honestly cares about you, but some of his needs are starting to seriously surface.

[flamexy]

Honestly dont get ahead to marriage yet, you have so many things ahead of you... but the again if you know him from childhood you should totally trust him and go with it...

[shacodraco]

idk this is a pretty touchy situation but it sounds like he really cares for you. most guys would not have stuck around for 2 years without sex. that being said, he's not gonna think you're a slut because you guys have been dating for 2 years. my advice is to go as far as you're comfortable with. stay classy!

[scar1]

he has been with you to I doubt he waited to girl years just to feel you up. if you don't trust you shoudn't be him and its been 2 years I think its time to trust him. thirdly I don't know how it is where you live but having and touching is pretty standards in romantic relationships its not slutty at all. I'm really surprised he wanted to year just to feel you up

[Anonymous]

Like for guys to date a girl for 2 years and 5 months. It is all about natural male behavior with the personal love life is actually in their will house. Be safe out there.