Still a virgin at 23 - how should I go about changing this? I'm not ready for another relationship.
I'm 23 and feel that I am missing out on an important part of life since humans are largely carnal beings. I don't know why I am still a virgin. I have been in two - albeit somewhat short lived - relationships, which for some reason I didn't allow thing to get past third base (a lack of initiative/confidence of my behalf I guess) In between that I rarely "get" with girls. I mean, opportunities arise when I am out at clubs and girls start flirting, but I am usually too drunk and/or dumb to know how the hell to react and lose out and also I know a few girls who like me, yet I just don't feel mentally able to be in a relationship (what with me completely f***ing things up previously).Anyway, I don't know what to do about this. I'm pushing on 24 and I really need to get over this inability to act like normal humans and take opportunities which might lead to other things. I guess I feel I need some kind of sexual awakening? I don't know, I just feel I am lagging way behind; not just in sex, but in the whole wider spectrum of sensuality, flirting, dating - the whole package. I'm not saying I want one-night stands all the time and become a player. Of course ideally it would be with someone I loved, but that just feels impossible for the time being and as I get older I worry that the apathy and passive approach to women is just going to get worse unless I approach it head-on.
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
A relationsihp is one thing.
Getting laid is another. But it really loses its novelty fast if it's not part of a relationship with someone who actually gives a damn about you.
> I'm 23
That's about right. I lost my virginity when I was 23.
To a woman.
I first had sex with a man when I was 25.
> I don't know why I am still a virgin
Nobody you met thought you were worth a fvck.
> for some reason I didn't allow thing to get past third base
Your fault. There you go.
>I just don't feel mentally able to be in a relationship
Get to that point. Then get back to us.
> I'm pushing on 24
If you came packaged with a "BEST BEFORE:" date, what would it be?
At any rate, you're not expired yet. At least you show interest. I know some women much older than you, and I'll bet they're still virgins and will be for life. Including an ex girlfriend (she's my ex for a reason) and a girl I lusted after in high school - I'll never know why she's still single.
> just feel I am lagging way behind; not just in sex, but in the whole wider spectrum of
> sensuality, flirting, dating - the whole package.
I was 16 when I first kissed a girl.
I was 25 when I firsed kissed a guy.
I was 16 when I first went on a date with a girl.
Any guy I was with was too closeted to be in public with me (or ashamed).
There is time, my friend. Believe me, there is time.
My second cousin once removed was killed in a car accident about a week before she was to get married. We were about the same age. She was working overtime preparing for her wedding, losing a lot of sleep. She apparently fell asleep while driving, crashed into a pole and died instantly. I attended her funeral. She was featured in Wedding Bells magazine that month and looked lovely. I hadn't seen her in person since we were kids. Was she a virgin still? I have no idea, but what I mean are that there are scenarios worse than yours. Relax. It will make things easier - for you. Be loving - and sex will come with it - bad pun.
> I'm not saying I want one-night stands all the time and become a player.
That is the part that became boring rather fast.
> ideally it would be with someone I loved, but that just feels impossible for the time being
But when you're ready to love, then love will be ready and waiting.
> as I get older I worry that the apathy and passive approach to women is just going to get
> worse unless I approach it head-on.
Alright, man! So what are you waiting for?
What Girls Said 2
Most women aren't going to want a one night stand with a virgin. So I'd suggest actually dating and getting to know a woman while letting the sex part come naturally.