Guys, does sex before a relationship bring you closer to a girl and lead to a relationship?

[Anonymous]

me and the guy I talk to were talking about sex the other day. I'm a virgin, he is experienced. I know he likes me and he tells me he misses me a lot. bottom line is that I want to wait until I'm in a relationship to have sex with someone because I would feel more comfortable with them to do anything with them. but he disagrees with me. he believes that having sex before you get in a relationship will create an emotional connection and bring you two closer therefore leading to a relationship. he also said that he doesn't think it will work out between us if we don't do more than hooking up (which is basically making out). so I just wanna ask if there are other guys that feel this way? does sex help you create an emotional connection with a girl before a relationship? and how? does it bring you two closer? how? or I he just bullsh*tting to get in my pants.

[billy_young]

Well to start with, it is scientifically proven that sex helps to create an emotional bond. When you're having sex, you release hormones and things in your body that make you happy and help to create a bond with the person you're having sex with.

But, what he's saying seems to me to be 95% bullsh!t. Some people have sex without being in a relationship, but I don't know anyone who has had sex with someone who they liked a little bit as a way of forming a bond so that they could start a relationship. Having said that, I've seen A LOT of people on GAG saying "I've started to develop feelings for my f*ck buddy"... however it is mainly girls. If he likes you, then surely he could start a relationship with you and it could lead very quickly to sex, but to just ask for sex without even putting in the effort of at least pretending to like you enough to go out on a few dates with you is just plain rude, and really shows that he doesn't want to go out with you.

You obviously like him, so you could take the risk of having sex with him, but he's just said to you that he will have sex with someone without beign in a relationship with them... so he's probably having sex with about 3 other girls right now and telling all of them that if they just do it a few more times then maybe he'll take them on a date because he thinks he might be starting to get feelings for them... in other words he's completely lying and just wants sex without committment.

Maybe I'm being a bit harsh. But there's one way to be sure whether he actually likes you or not. Ask him on a date or ask him to take you on a date - a proper date, like going to the movies or out for dinner. If he can't be bothered to do that, then you shouldn't go anywhere near him, he's just using you. If he agrees, then you've got 2 choices. Chances are, he's going to try to sleep with you at the end of the date. If he doesn't then brilliant, go out a few more times and then you can build up trust and an emotional connection and then maybe start to fool around in the bedroom. But he probably will want to sleep with you. You could either say that as a reward for going on a date with you, you're willing to have sex with him. Or you could say that you really enjoyed the date, but you want to go out a few more times and get to know him better before you're willing to get in bed with him. If you choose the second option, you're really testing whether he likes you or just wants to get in your pants.

If he comes out with the crap about creating an emotional connection by having sex, then say that the way YOU build an emotional connection is by going on dates, and you don't yet have enough of an emotional connection to have sex with him. You need to build your trust/connection up first, and then you can have sex and build up the connection for him. If there's no emotional attraction there to start with then the sex will be sh!t and it will not bring you closer. You need something to build upon before having sex.

:)

[Asker]

wow thanks a lot for you in depth response. I think I may have misquoted what my guy said. this is exactly what he said "im not saying we have to have sex.like sometimes you need to spice things up like sometimes things you need to do more than just hook up like you might feel different about it and I respect that but I don't know how long it will last not trying to be a d*** "i asked him why he seems so sure it won't work out, he said I don't know like I really don't like I'm not trying to be mean and I'm not all

[Asker]

sex and stuff but I know how I am and I don't know how long it will go if it stays like it is now I'm not saying you have to change or anything I'm just telling you the truth" then I told him if he really wants me then that woudnt matter and he said "its understandable we both feel a certain way about something and it looks like either of us are gonna change but and I don't know what will happen but I know how I am and I don't know what to tell you I'm just being honest because I don't want to hurt u" does this change anything for you?

[Asker]

like how would you advice me after reading what he said and looking at it from his side? sorry for the long comments

[yopyopyop]

Girl, sorry to say, but this guy is so obvious it's pathetic. He's already telling you he's going to dump you like, minutes afterwards. Keep your virginity for someone who really likes you, or get ready to cry about how stupid you were if you give into his game..

[Asker]

where did he say he was gonna dump me minutes afterwards? I don't get it. he was just being honest with how he is. I'm not trying to defend him or anything I just don't see what you mean

[yopyopyop]

From the start, he's already saying he doesn't thing you'll get along. He already says he doesn't want to hurt you. So that's what he's about : he knows he just wants sex from you, and he's already apologizing for this. Now take it or leave it, but don't go and cry afterward, since he'll dump you like an old sock as soon as he's over with the sex.

[billy_young]

ok, I need to clear a few things up before I can give you a proper answer. Are you going out with this guy? Or are you dating him? Or is he just a friend? From what I understand, you like him and he likes you, and you've 'made out', but you've not actually been on any dates and neither of you has asked the other person out, so you don't officially see yourselves as being in a mutual relationship. Is that right? If so, my answer changes a little bit. If he likes you and he's willing to have...

[billy_young]

...sex with you, then why hasn't he asked you out yet? If he wants more than to just get in your pants, why doesn't he make it official with you? The only explanation I can see really is that he doesn't want to be in a serious relationship, he just wants a 'friend with benefits'. He wants some of the advantages of being in a relationship (e.g. sex, your friendship and trust, being able to hang out with you etc) without any of the commitments or disadvantages - he doesn't want to be in an...

[billy_young]

...exclusive relationship with you, he still wants to be free to do whatever he wants and flirt with whoever he wants etc. If I've understood right, and the reason you won't have sex is that he won't be in a relationship with you, but he wants to progress your 'unofficial relationship' by having sex with you, then I suggest you go to him and say that you're not going to take things any further unless he's willing to make it official and commit to you. If he says he doesn't want to then ask...

[billy_young]

...him why. I bet he can't give you a good reason. If I've not understood it right or if you ask him and he comes back with a response or if you want any more help at all then just comment back or add me as a friend and message me. Hope this helps :)

[Asker]

i'll message you :)

[Anonymous]

An emotional connection won't come from having sex, if that's the case a lot guys would care about or want to be an a relationship with the girls they had sex with. Yes sex will bring you closer, for about thirty minutes to an hour.

[selfishstars]

He wants in your pants. If he wanted a relationship with you, he'd be in a relationship with you, regardless of if you had sex before or after getting into a relationship.

Can sex bring you closer/lead to a relationship? Sure. To use myself as an example, I was friends with a guy (though not very close friends). We started having sex, and becoming comfortable with each other physically also led to us becoming more comfortable with each other on an emotional level, so we really opened up to each other. Eventually, we decided to get into a relationship and have been together for over 5 years. BUT having sex with someone does not necessarily lead to becoming closer on an emotional level or getting into a relationship---I would wager that in most cases, it doesn't. I would never have sex with someone EXPECTING that it would lead to a relationship.

I think that if this guy really wanted a relationship with you, he'd ask you to be in a relationship with him without expecting you to have sex with him first. I can understand him wanting to be in a relationship that involves more than just making out if he's used to being in relationships that include sex, but he shouldn't expect you to have sex with him before you're ready. If he's unwilling to wait for a girl to be ready for sex, then he should find someone who is on the same page as him instead.

[Aries11w]

What a load of BULLSHIT on his opinion. He's saying you get a closer bond if you have before a relationship? No, you get a bond by connecting emotionally and physically. Personally I don't think you can have a meaningful connection unless you are in a relationship.

What he wants is to get into your knickers before giving you any commitment and by the sounds of it, that's not you.

I only have sex with guys I am in a relationship with and I don't have sex with them until I feel I know and trust them 100%, this opinion cannot be formed overnight.

Personally, I felt like me and my now boyfriend had bonded before sleeping together (3 months) and then sleeping together just made that bond even stronger.

[lustful1]

i think that guys want us to think its true but if they really cared for that girl they wouldn't matter about the sex. I'm not saying wait forever to have sex with him but don't give it up to early.. because guys don't respect the girl who just gives it up. but I guess everybody is different that's just my view on it

[rockingpianoman]

let's face it : he just wants to get in her pants .

[lustful1]

yes, your probably right but if she likes him , she shouldn't have sex with him

[Asker]

i like him a lot. it just sucks that he thinks that he needs to have some sexual connection with someone before a relationship

[Aries11w]

If he won't have a relationship with you before sex then I'm afraid he doesn't care avout you, the same way you do about him so you'd be better not acting on it otherwise you'll just get hurt by him. Cliche I know, but if a guy genuinely cares about you and respects you, he will wait

[AshlynGrace]

Bullsh*t. Don't even bother with this guy. He is going to pull a bang and ditch on you. So close your knees and move on to the next guy in the line and don't waste your time with this loser. The only thing your going to get from him is a broken heart and a mistake you wish you could take back.

[rockingpianoman]

bullsh*t to get in your pants .

[CandyCoated123]

YOU PROBABLY USE IT ON THE LITTLES

[rockingpianoman]

oh no - there is my stalker again ...

[rockingpianoman]

no not at all
my reasoning is : take it steady and be in a relationship before you have sex . it looks to me that he really wants to get in your pants ( and maybe also take off with the first plane out ...)

[yopyopyop]

Relationship : You're doing it wrong!

Sex afterward, who ever is the guy, how cute he is, or friendly he seems to be.

From what you say, I'm 99% sure he sees your virginity as a trophy, and will dump you as soon he got what he wanted.

[CandyCoated123]

forever alone

[yopyopyop]

thanks for the interesting comment :)

[indian_empress_91]

don't bother with him a guy who really respects you and wants to be with you won't see any reason to rush you...he just wants to hit and run...or hit a few times get what he wants and go MIA...dont do it...

[TouchTheSky]

he just want to get in your pants this is so easy :)

[Moloch]

Nah he wants a relationship

[Asker]

were you being sarcastic?

[Moloch]

Not at all

[Asker]

so why do you think he wants a relationship? you're the only one that seems to think that

[doctorwhofan23]

Sex is not that important

[Anonymous]

Seriously he just want to get into your pants don't let him he Sounds like An ass not a guy worth losing your virginity...
I agree with you I won't have sex untill We are serious...The other way around could happen to but not to a virgin...you know what He wants...
I agree with try it before marriage but no sex before you are at least 3 months together So you guys know each other than If its bad you break Up

[Anonymous]

I stopped reading about 25% THRU

he is just trying to bang

no if's, and's or but's about it

that is all he is interested in

nothing else

[Anonymous]

Ya I won't usually commit until I bang them. What if the sex sucks?

[Honesty111]

What about personality? If they great in bed but have a horrible personality would that be just fine?