Does my boyfriend really love me or am I just a fetish?

I'm very fit with an overall muscular body for a girl. Suffice it to say I'm not every guy's cup of tea. For a few months now I've been dating this guy who treats me like I'm the greatest thing that's ever happened to him and I love it. I've become quite attached to him. He really does treat me like I'm some sort of goddess and he knows exactly how to make me melt. Recently however I discovered that on his computer is a bunch of pictures of girls built just like me, some even more so, and his browsing history is littered with links to websites that have erotic fiction stories about women who are built like I am dominating men with their strength. I don't know what to think anymore because it made me feel disgusting inside to learn the possibility that he is only with me because of some fetish he has about being dominated by a stronger girl. I haven't spoken to him about it and if I did I'm not even sure how to go about it. What do I do and do you think he loves me or is he just with me because of his fetish?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I felt the need to comment here. I am a 26 year old guy who can only be sexually aroused by muscular women. I have cried myself to sleep night after night over the fact that I am a virgin and haven't found a woman who I can be really attracted to. I have gotten in to relationship after relationship where I knew as a fact that I liked the woman for her personality and for who she is on the inside. But it broke my heart every time when I couldn't "get it up" for her and I have thought for a long time that I may be sexually fucked up because I am only attracted to muscular women.

    I don't understand how you came to the conclusion that he only likes you for his fetish. I would be heartbroken if I were dating a girl and she dumped me because she found my fetish strange. It is something that I require to reach orgasm. It may honestly drive me to suicide knowing that there is no place for my sexual preferences in this world. I have already had men and women both ridicule my tastes when I have talked to people about them... some good friends have said "not my cup of tea but I won't judge you man".

    I would venture to guess that if he is treating you the way he is, he cares about you deeply and probably for the first time in his life feels OK with who he is as a person, and possibly even may be starting to get hopeful that he will be able to live his life as a normal human being, who has an atypical attraction but has a partner who fits him perfectly.

    I find it to be abhorrent that so many muscular women have such contempt for men who find female muscle sexy.

  • First up, I think pretty much any girl would get upset by seeing what was on her bfs computer. So, my recommendation, don't do it. It will eat you up and you will probably misunderstand it. Secondly, I feel if you've been dating for a few months and he had that fetish, I'm pretty sure he would have tried to satisfy it by now. And also it's quite possible that they could be the only stories that involved women of his preferred build. If he likes girls like you and he reads a story about a nerdy girl that gets bullied, he is not gonna be able imagine his perfect type. People have preferences, there's nothing wrong with that, if he likes women of your build, great you're compatible.

    Even if it turns out he does have that fetish, who's to say he doesn't love you anyway. I think it takes more effort that most people would be bother to make your partner melt so to speak, and I feel there's a good chance you need to love someone to do it.

    If you want to confront him say you heard it from a friend that her friend or something found out she was dating a guy like that and what did he think about it. But it's a risk and it might create some conflict. It might be best just to have a little faith in him, and wait to see if it's misplaced.

Most Helpful Girls

  • It's hard to tell.

    Essentially you have to assess the relationship around the sex and the adulation. Does he like you or does he ... worship (in a sense) you?

    There's nothing wrong with a guy having a fetish, or a preference - and it stands to reason that he'd get with a girl that fits that image. In essence, you're relationship with him is in no way different to a girl with big boobs getting with a guy who really likes big boobs.

    All it reiterates in certainty - is that he's clearly attracted to you.

    What you have to determine is if it's anything more than that for him - and honestly - if you do like him - I wouldn't walk into this with the mindset that you are just using him to fulfil his fetish. If that's thew way you think about it - that's the only way you're ever going to be able to see it.

    There's no harm in indulging this fetish sometimes, but see if he's invested when the sex isn't about you dominating him.

    All I'm saying is - just because this IS a fetish of his - that doesn't necessarily mean that's all you are to him. There's no way I can tell from what little I know of everything in your relationship - but you should be able to tell if it feels real - or if you find yourself ONLY playing a part in some sort of fantasy life of his.

    • *that he is just using you (my bad)

    • does it matter if he worships her, I thought a lot of girls will like that

    • We haven't had sex yet and are taking it slow.

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  • Every guy has a type of a girl he would like to have with himself. so what if your guy is different and likes a little bit different girls then usual guys.

    He found you and you fullfilled his fantasy and you are all he wishes from a girl. is that so wrong? I don't know why is that weird for u?

    Some guys like blonds, and are looking for blond girlfriend. If you were blond and your found on his computer bunch of pictures of blond girls, would you be confused as in your situation? I don't think so, and it's the same thing :)

    Enjoy! :)

    About pictures of domination, it doesn't mean that he would like to try it. maybe it's just his fantasy. If not, and he askes you to participate, why not? maybe you'll like it! good luck:)

  • I can understand, being that the guy I'm with now favors redheads, and we met online. Had I not been a redhead, we may never have met.

    That being said, how is this any different that a guy who's into t*ts and ass, trying to hit on or dating a very busty woman with a perfect ass? It's just a preference; it's just how far they're willing to take the preference. If he treats you well, just go with it. Make light of it one day and mention something coy about it, see what he says.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Listen to me: Stay away from his computer. Evaluate how he treats you and what he says. So what if you're his fetish. All guys date women that hit their fetishes if they are that lucky. Why do you think some guys go for big t*ts and some for bubble butts? Doesn't mean they like the girl any less but she's what they want. I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. Again, stay away from his computer. It just reflects his inner self and unless it's kids, no big deal.

  • Is it possible that he loves you *and* your body?

  • that doesn't have to mean anything, don't jump to conclusions right away, talk to him about it first...

  • If he has been with you for months and treats you like a person and not a sex object, then it's a good bet he really cares about you.

    Perhaps he does have that sexual fantasy and that is a component of his sexual attraction to you, but if you meant nothing more to him than that, I think you'd know that by now.

    On the other hand, if you're unsure, why not ask him about it?

  • Two words -- strap on!

    • That doesn't help

    • Sorry -- I should not have made light of your situation. Yes. Males have fetishes of all kinds. I believe it is MOSTLY a male thing. How do You compare to him physically? Are You bigger than him? Does he seem submissive in bed? It is not my cup of tea, but some guys really get off on being dominated in bed. That is not to say he is not a good guy or that he can't kick ass in life. It is just his thing. Like some guys like feet. Or boobs. Or ass. Etc. Try it out slow. You might like it.

    • He's taller but he's thin and doesn't have a lot of muscle. He's about 4 inches taller than I am but we weigh about the same and I'm a lot stronger than he is. We haven't done anything in bed yet because we're taking it slow. He's never tried to push me to do anything I don't want to do but if he is the submissive type who wants to be dominated then would he try to be pushy at all? Isn't that against the nature of a submissive guy?

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  • let me put it this way, maybe you are a sexual turn on for him but has he ever pushed you to do anything you didn't want to, if not then what's there to worry about, if he's treating you how every girl loves to be treated, like an angel goddess princess.

    is he loving caring and there for you? this is the question you need to ask yourself.

    this maybe part fetish but there are more guys out there with worse fetishes and usually push the girl to get them to try it out, this guy with you doesn't seem to be.

    also the question is will you ever find another guy who will treat you as perfectly as he does and isn't pushing you with the fetish he has?

    • He doesn't push me to do anything but if he really is a submissive guy would he be pushy at all anyway?

    • true but why let this get to you, she's not treating you like an object or a sex toy, you say he treats you like a goddess so what's there to complain about?

  • Damn, he hit the jackpot. He might have just enjoyed you physically in the beginning, but he may have real feeling for you now.

  • He found you attractive. So he talked to you. If he just liked the physical factors, he would have gotten what he wanted and left. He most likely has feelings for you.. Otherwise he probably would be long gone.

  • Well... what do you like?

    Also, how do you feel about the alternative. Him liking you for who you are, but actually not being into al the muscle and athleticism?

  • maybe its his cup of tea?

    people have preferences.

    Ask him if he loves you.

    If you wanna find out..

    what do his ex's look like?

    what kind of women do his eyes stray to?

    im not recommending this last part necessarily but;

    you could tell him how you saw it in his history,

    and then have sex with him and see how he conducts himself during..?

  • COuple Questions

    How often is this relationship "sexual"?

    are there things he asks of you to do or say in a sexual manner?

  • I'd bet on the fetish. A lot of guys have fantasies like this; personally I lech after muscular aerobics instructresses myself! I don't go to web sites and such though.

    • Oooh I know who you are now!

    • Who am I? 3 guesses.

    • martyfellow

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