Sexual Health
+1 y

He is a bit selfish with oral and sex...

We're 22 and 24, been together 3 years. I love him VERY much and we live together. He is very sweet to me and is always there for me. The one issue is that sexually, he's a bit selfish. He rarely gives me oral sex, and often just jumps right into sex. On a special romantic night he might do oral, but since we have sex every day and work full time, he admittedly gets lazy and prefers spooning sex. I orgasm from intercourse, so I can see why he doesn't do a lot of foreplay, but foreplay makes for more intense orgasms. Well I lost my temper yesterday when he asked for a BJ with nothing in return. I told him it was selfish that he gets far more oral sex than I do. He said "I think that's normal, most guys get more oral than girls do." I don't know where he's getting that from, but I told him it would be nice if he reciprocated more often. He told me he understood and would work on it. The next night he was far more generous. I believe he might not enjoy oral, and I've asked him before about it, and he says he likes it and he seems to think he does it a lot. (maybe every other week? idk...some months more than other months). He normally reserves it for nights when we know we have a lot of time for long, romantic sex. I wax totally bare and I'm very hygenic. That is not the problem. It's possible he just doesn't like oral, but he still insists he likes it. He told me that I need to stand up for myself more, because he admits he can be stubborn sometimes, so hopefully this made a difference. I'm just annoyed that pleasuring me isn't his top priority--but I wouldn't dump over this--I asked a women's board and EVERYONE said dump! ridiculous! I guess I just want advice on where to go from here. I would like our sex to become a little more even-handed.
Updates:
+1 y
Also- let me point out that before me, he was mostly dating teenagers (we met when I was 19) and I think he believed oral sex on girls was less common because it generally is less common when you're very young.
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Actually it is pretty normal for guys to receive more than girls.

    If he doesn't enjoy giving oral then you can't do anything about it. I think if you could actually enjoy receiving knowing he doesn't enjoy giving then that says a lot about your character and makes you no less selfish than him.

    I think you need to talk to him outside of sex, that way he knows it's a serious talk, not a spur of the moment type of deal

    • Oh, I have talked to him outside of sex. If I knew he hated oral, then I wouldn't enjoy getting it. But he keeps insisting he likes it and is sometimes just too lazy. It's true that he is often pretty tired and we do have sex all the time as is. Every time I try to talk to him about this he seems embarrassed and seems to think I'm telling him he's bad st sex...he's GREAT at sex, I just feel like he doesn't care enough about my pleasure the way I do about his. I think I got that across to him

    • I normally do not suggest this but if he's admitted to be lazy, then you can be lazy also.

Most Helpful Guys

  • You could assert yourself more, by insisting on no BJ's, but you'll indulge in 69's.

    Or you could try something like BDSM. Tie him to the bed, and ride his face for a while, before allowing him to have sex.

    There are always options, in how you could approach it.

  • I don't know. I give more then I receive.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 3

  • OK. I don't care what "most guys" do, and neither should you. If he's selfish in bed, that's no fun. That's bad and he should fix it. Period. You are right to be annoyed.

    If he won't eat you out, someone else should.

  • i think you resolved the problem yourself. sounds like he genuinely cares, but just had the mentality that guys get more oral than girls typically. He probably didn't see an issue with it so he just enjoyed that fact that your willing to do him.

  • You're absolutely right. It should be give and take never one sided in a relationship. Not cool he asks for bjs and doesn't return for you. I'm 100 percent give and take. If he doesn't like it and your ok with it as long as your getting other things and that that's good at least. And being tired is no excuse. If you live intercourse he should buck up and absolutely give you that.

  • cut off all oral until he starts giving back

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