How to initiate sex with her?

[claudebloch]

This may seem like a stupid question, but whatever, I need advice. I was with a girl from the age of 18 to 22, so I grew comfortable with the way we had sex. Now I'm 24 and I've recently started seeing a 26 year old girl and I'm wondering if I need to change my approach to sex because I'm older now. Not to sound crude, but as a teenager, it seemed normal to just start kissing, then stroke a girl between the legs, maybe start fingering and then progress to oral/full sex. Is this still OK to do at 24? Particularly the "fingering" part, I'm just wondering if the technique for physically arousing someone changes as time goes on, or if that's always cool. Also, we have slept in the same bed a few times without having sex. I tried initiate sex the first time by using the above techniques, but she said she couldn't relax, so I stopped and haven't tried again since. I don't really want to discuss it out loud with her, so would it be OK to just start fondling her between the legs and see how she reacts? As in, would she take huge offense or would she just guide my hand away if she didn't want it? I really like her, so I don't just want to go for sex, no matter what, but I do want to progress our relationship physically. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Maybe a couple of drinks would help too haha.

Start cuddling and give her a massage or something and then work your way down between her legs. If she's okay with it, you can start pulling her clothes off and keep going.
I usually like it when guys start touching and rubbing down there and kissing me. Foreplay is important. From there, you'll probably find it progresses naturally. Be cognizant of what she likes and is okay with, and be understanding. If you put her pleasure first, then there's a good chance she'll return the favor.

Women want sex just as much as men do, so she is probably feeling the same way but is unsure of how to proceed.

[claudebloch]

Haha thanks for the response, but this is from two years ago! Moved on since then :)

[cleako]

Talk to her about it. She'll know you care and don't just want to hit it and quit it.

[claudebloch]

How exactly should I bring it up? I'm not the most sexually confident person, we've never even said the word "sex" to each other, and we've only seen each other 10 times, so I don't want to have to sit down and "have a talk" with her. I feel like it could go horribly wrong if I mishandle it.

[cleako]

Tell her you are ready to take your relationship to a physical level, ask her how she feels about it. If she's all for it, wait for when the mood is right and make your move. I'm no love/sex guru so don't take this as anything more then my opinion.

[claudebloch]

Hey, all opinions welcome :) It's just that saying something like "I'm ready to take our relationship to a physical level" or even "I think we should have sex" would sound...a bit weird between us. In my opinion anyway. Plus, if I announced that I wanted to do it, I feel like she'd expect me to be great in bed, and to be honest I'm not sure how I'll perform with a new partner. Also, what's your opinion on the way I should start up sex if she agrees?

[cleako]

Don't worry, I'd find it weird to come out and say "I'm ready for sex" too. For the first time, I'd say something romantic to set the mood and get her, and you, relaxed. After that it's kinda on you guys. If you're worried about your performance, let her know ahead of time you're nervous about doing it with a new partner or ask her what she likes, etc.