She likes to be choked during sex, what should I do about this?

So my main girl, she would be very wild in bed, now things are changing. It started off with a pair of handcuffs she wanted me to use on her, then it turned into handcuffs and rope to tie her feet down while I had my way with her, then a little butt spanking. I was fine with that until she said just recently that she wants to be "choked" during sex. Like, she wants be to be on top and grab her throat and press. I got major concerned, but I tried it. I choked her while doing it, but she said I'm not doing it hard enough, so then I squeezed her throat harder, causing her face to turn a slight blush red, I immediately let go and said are you okay? And she's like "yea, I'm fine." It's like she's the complete opposite now and I can't figure out why. I don't know if I like this whole choking thing and was wondering what I can do about it.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You have a submissive masochist on your hands and you don't sound like a dominant sadist which is what fits for what she wants. Cutting off her air releases endorphins that dramatically accentuate her orgasms. It's not that unusual a practice in the BDSM community. If you're heart's not into restraining her, providing significant erotic pain, and some of the rest, as much as I hate to say it, you may want to think about moving on. Our kinks are wired as deeply as anything into our personalities and they don't go away or change. For dominant sadists like me, your girlfriend is our dream girl but if it's not your passion, She's gonna get dissatisfied at some point because she knows what she needs. I'm guessing she'll want to get progressively rougher and if you aren't just dying to go there, it'll get problematic. Let us know what happens.

    • I failed to say that breath play has its hazards. I haven't had any experience with it but if I was to want to, I'd contact a local BDSM group and get some instruction and cautions first.

  • Didn't someone die from that fairly recently? I think I read about it. People love their fetishes and it's very hard to change their mind and in fact some people don't change. But since this is getting dangerous, I'd just draw the line here. She's going to be pissed off and you might have to go without for a little bit while she vents but if you're uncomfortable and it's dangerous, don't do it. Tell her that she's perfectly welcome to come up with other ideas but that particular one you don't want to do. Also, maybe try and be a dominant and assertive guy in real life, maybe a little rough, like nice rough... because if you are a more submissive guy in real life she might be using sex to bring out the kind of "tough guy" side of you that she likes.

Most Helpful Girls

  • wow, this sounds so hot to me, like queenofpeen said trust is a major factor here, as with any BDSM mild or intense trust is the basis for relations. if you are uncomfortable but still want to try then I would suggest a safe word, which you should probably already have. make sure its something you wouldn't ever say in a sexual setting (even words like no, and stop can appeal to her submissiveness so I wouldn't use those) make it something like philadelphia, or muleweasel, detergent fairy, eggballoon, blah blah blah you get the point. in the end of you really are uncomfortable then you shouldn't do it, you can't put her before you, though since I can see where she's coming from it would be a little disappointing, but hey that's life

  • Reminds me of a New Girl episode. She likes it rough, and when being choked you're brain sends out this chemical which gives you a high (kind of) apparently its pleasurable but I'd never do that. That's why people play "the choking game" choke themselves to get a high but sometimes that can put you in the hospital so even though that's what she wants I wouldn't do it if I were you. Accidents happen and you don't want to be arrested for involuntary man slaughter. Sorry if this sounds really scary but its true

  • If I were in your shoes, I would have a talk with her and tell her that you need to be able to trust that she won't let it get to the point of her not being able to breathe for over, say, 5 seconds. With many BDSM fetishes, the key is trust. If you're afraid of hurting her, she needs to make it clear that she knows her body's limits so YOU know that she'll stop you before it goes too far.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • If you're not comfortable with the whole asphyxiation thing, don't do it you don't have to.

  • Some kinks should be absolutely out of bounds, for everyone. Breath play is one of them; asphyxiation, pulmonary arrest, or cardiac failure each can occur swiftly and without warning.

    If you don't want to explain to a cop why your girlfriend's a cold corpse on the bed, you have to discourage her from this, or walk away.

    Tattoo this into your brain if you need to: there is NO SAFE WAY to do breath play. None.

    P.S.: A long explanation of the danger she's putting herself in, if she needs one. The take-home, from an EMT: "I know of no way whatsoever that either suffocation or strangulation can be done in a way that does not intrinsically put the recipient at risk of cardiac arrest." link

  • Learn CPR, and get used to choking her.

  • There's really not much you can do, besides express that you're really not comfortable with going any further. If that's OK with her, great. If not, so be it, but the reasons she likes that kind of thing most likely go way deeper than you're equipped to handle.

  • hmm with the hands it should not be to bad my mates ex used to like a belt round her neck and well tbh I would never do that but with the hands I think you should be OK just keep your eye on her as your doing it watch her eyes if they roll back at all stop

  • I'd say your girl likes domination. If you're ready or just don't like it, explain it to her. The whole idea about domination is that both enjoy the roles.

  • jeez that's hot-just choke her and make sure you do not hurt her

  • she like it rough tell her you don't like doin that your not that type of guy

    • Well I like to wrestle in bed a little, but choking seems like playing with the fine line between death and life.

  • I am a girl who loves it when guys do it my boyfriend doesn't mind he basically will choke because I like it I love him being the guy who chokes me and I love it, so make sure you don't kill her, just don't go over the line with her, thats all I got to say.