Was I wrong to give my girlfriend an ultimatum?

My girlfriend is the second girl I've been with my entire life, I just found out that I'm her 7th! She actually wants to get engaged after only 2 years of dating, and I realized that its easy for her to want to settle down since she's banged six other dudes already! I'm sure if I settle down now ill hate myself for not having as much experience as her. So I gave her an ultimatum through an email, in the email I told her that I am going to bang more chicks either with her consent or without it. I told her we could get engaged later on if she wanted to but not now. Has anyone else here on GAG done this? I'm pissed at her for being easy and id be ashamed if my fiance had more experience than me.
Updates:
+1 y
Im not insecure, we have awesome sex. But if I marry her I would be embarased because she is kinda slutty in my eyes. And aren't people supposed to be proud of their spouse? Two years isn't that long and honestly I think I can find another girl whos just as attractive but more marriage material.
+1 y
Yeah so my girlfriend showed up at my apartment this morning...she was crying and still wouldn't see my point of view and the fact that I'm the victim here not her. She hesitantly agreed to go on a "break" and I've already hooked up with a girl I've always had a thing for, I'm also messaging a fb friend who is always flirting with me and I plan on enjoying her too. This doesn't make me a bad person does it? Honestly I may never go back to melissa.
1 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • So you gave her an ultimatum...because your insecure about your sexual capabilities.

    What?

    Usually an ultimatum is given when a partner or person is in an actual destructive situation. Like if she was a crack head - the ultimatum would be, go to rehab, or I'm leaving.

    Not, I'm going to bang tons of chicks because because...I'm too insecure about sex to commit.

    WTF did you spend 2 years of your life with her for?

    It's not like your going to have problems pleasing her since she knows what she likes sexually. She obviously wants to be with you for love and companionship - not how good you are in the sack. Most the guys could have been lousy lays anyway.

    And WTH dude? She settled down for you for 2 years - and your condemning her for 6 guys in her past?

    Obviously she learned how to find a good man outta those 6 failed relationships.

    I don't get why men hold women to such a dumb ass standard, yet women are fine with marrying a guy who's had 10+ partners.

    Be honest with yourself - the only reason you did this to her is because YOU feel like you couldn't measure up, and went about a childish route due to your insecurities.

    You make it seem like she's the one who's in the wrong for having 6 partners - when you can't even get over your own insecurities to realize what a great chick you have now.

    Prolonged realtionships don't just happen everyday.

    Your pretty f***ing lucky to find a spark like that.

    And if your weak enough to give that up due to your lack of confidence with sex -

    Your silly.

    • @Update Wow. So you banged her, have a great relationship and sex, and now you just throw her aside as if she's the bad one? Your trash. You deserve trash. Your just as nasty for banging the " slut " and using her for no f***ing reason, wasting 2 years of both your lives, just to f***ing say you don't approve NOW? WTF? Your garbage.

    • Yes she is awesome and good looking but I'm NOT insecure about my abilities, we have great sex but that doesn't excuse the fact that she has more people to compare me to. I think its horrible of her to want me to settle down already when I haven't done half the things she's done in the past. Its not like I told her I wouldn't marry her, I just told her id have to find peace with myself before that.

    • That's how douche bags talk. Dude really? Your only problem with this girl is her having a few more partners than you. Seriously? Nothing you can say can justify such a crazy way of thinking. The only reason your dumping this girl, is because she's had some extra experience is dating. What the hell. Be honest - I just don't think you want to settle down. Your mind is so foul right now - all you want to do is have sex to " catch up," since when was this a race? Grow up.

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  • This isn't about experience, it's about your own insecurity and ego.

    Would you act this way about any other area that she might have more experience than you in? Like, if she had more experience with relationships than you, or relationships that lasted longer than the relationships you've been in?

    People don't act this way toward people they love and care about---unless their insecurity impedes their ability to think rationally.

    You've been with this girl for 2 years already. I imagine that you like her quite a bit, otherwise, you wouldn't have been with her for so long.

    But your ego is far too big to allow room for a healthy, mature relationship.

    If a guy ever gave me an ultimatum like this, I would break up with him on the spot, and would not be open to a relationship with him in the future either.

    • Im not insecure, I think I have a right to set the conditions if she wants to grt serious. Because if I knew she was such a slut I wouldn't have been with her this long.

    • exactly; the fact he IS putting his foot down shows he's a man of strength and character.

    • It doesn't take a lot of strength or character to be a douchebag.

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  • That could lead to some serious problems. She's probably gonna break up with you for saying that. I know I would break up with someone if they flat out told me they were gonna cheat on me weather I liked it or not. You shouldn't let yourself get wrapped up in her number and your number. Life is about the connections we make and if you feel like the amount of guys she's been with is the only reason you don't want to marry her then you should marry her because when you think about it that is a stupid reason. I definitely think you were in the wrong to do this, simply because no one is okay with being cheated on. I hope everything works out okay.

    • Well I don't really want to break up I just want to olay the field like she did.

    • well maybe it is a good thing that you don't and you just stick with her. You might veiw her as sluty, and I suppose sleeping with 7 guys wasn't her best desicion, but what's in the past is already done and over with and you can't change it. You need to let go of numbers. I'm sure she has done a lot of things you can be proud of her for. I know you really want to get a better "lay of the feild" but things aren't always as great as they seem and you should just hold on to the things you have.

    • Wow you are a very intelligent woman. But its too late to go back now.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Alright, I'm going to go against what all these idiots are saying and support your decision 100%.

    It amazes me how none of these girls are able to see things clearly, regarding what sex means to a guy; especially a guy who has had options but hadn't pursued them.

    You're perfectly valid in feeling that Melissa cheapened sex by giving it up so freely to other men in the past. Sex and intimacy can't be anything special if they've been recycled through tons of past partners.

    Yet these women refuse to see that: they want men to be submissive sycophants that fawn over them and support the entitlement complex that says women can do no wrong, regardless of what choices they've made in their past. The new female model: " All of my past actions are a positive, because they've helped shape ME INTO THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I AM TODAY! :) " Unconditional self-appreciation is psychopathic, and it seems that if infects all modern western women.

    Bottom line: No, it doesn't make you a bad person. Intimacy and love are cheap in our modern world, so you can either

    1. Be the pitiful male that will overlook your lady love's past and imagine you have something special, despite how she gave it up before

    2. Enjoy the ONE life you have to live, then marry up some cute shy 22yo virgin when you're 30-something (they're out there, you just need game to seduce 'em)

    As per my life motto:

    It's impossible to be a decent man in an indecent world.

    • oh really? and this guy (or any other guy) won't "cheapen sex" by hooking up with many girls? it seems you think only women can cheapen sex..men can run around with as many as they want and then marry a virgin. seriously where's your time machine..lets send you back to the dark ages

    • my time machine? I'm aware of the biological imperatives that rule our instincts, views and beliefs. Sex evolved to hold very different meanings to men and women. Demonize that dynamic if you will, but you can't liberate yourself or anyone else from human nature its the woman that gives herself to the man, not the other way around. I <3 sociobiology it makes me happy.

    • Dude! Thank you! Everyone else refuses to see my point of view. How can I be expected to settle down when she's ready and I'm not? If she had less dudes bang her in the past I'd consider it because we would be on even ground and I would feel like we were doing it together. But I feel like its simple for her to want to marry because she's had her fun and decided to settle down with a modest guy like me. She was selfish and keeps trying to contact me but I refuse to give in to her whims.

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  • Almost the right move, for entirely the wrong reasons.

    No it's not a bad idea to explore, if you aren't lying about your age then you're pretty young to be getting engaged. And if you've only had 2 girls before, and especially if you are even considering that you aren't ready to settle down because you haven't slept around enough, then you shouldn't be getting engaged. Lots of people have to go through a wild period to burn it all off. I'd suggest explaining this to her and then splitting up for awhile to get it out of your system. If it's really meant to be, it'll work out eventually. If not, well that sucks, move on. But if you get engaged like this there's a large chance you'll cheat and hurt her even more.

    Then again, the world's ending this year so shut up and marry her.

    • Dude! You're the only one who gets this, I'm only 22 and I think it would be easier for me to consider if the both of us had the same amount of experience. But she's had her fun and she expects me to put aside my issue when she doesn't even know what it feels like.

    • that is a good point, just don't be sad when she looses interest in you, I mean you really don't seem like anything worth waiting for, and the world is not ending, its the beginning of the end if its true and it is not true because the world should have ended several times in history. This is not the first time the world is going to end, not true don't stress.

    • Yeah I'm sure the world isn't ending anytime soon which is why I have to enjoy my life before I ruin it by getting married.

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What Girls & Guys Said

17 5
  • So your criticizing your girlfriend for having 6 previous lovers - yet your going to whore around with god knows how many girls?

    Way to be a hypocrite.

    I hope this is a troll question - because someone can't honestly be this retarded.

    • Im not retarded, just...conflicted.

    • Conflicted because... you don't feel adequate enough in experience? or you honestly just aren't ready for a commitment and just want to enjoy your young years? I mean, either option - why make her out to be the bad person? Why's she got the ultimatum? So unnecessary. I read the answer between you and the guy below - dude honestly - what do you want here? Something tells me it's more than just sexual experience -

    • you're ABSOLUTELY right, it is something moer than sexual experience he wants guys see sex differently than girls. When a girl has sex with other guys, she is giving a part of herself in that act. He probably feels cheap that this girl gave herself to all these other guys and had her legs spread while he was single

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  • If you really cared about her you wouldn't be doing this. Leave her so that she could go find a better guy out there because she deserves that. She doesn't deserve someone who childish and ashamed to be with her just because of her past.

    • Well I don't think I'm childish but I am asgamed of her...would you marry someone who you're embarassed of?

    • Of course I won't but that's such a ridiculous mindset you have. Thank goodness you left her, you're doing her a massive favor. I just find it SO ironic how you call her a slut but yet you're also acting like a slut, hooking up with girls. If a girl can be a slut then you can be a man whore as well. Shame.

    • Yes I'm having the same good time that my ex had...its the law of equivalent exchange

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  • You know the answer... Yes it does make you a bad person. Your are not the victim, I hope you stay away from your gf

    • I am staying away from her, I think I'm being rational

    • lies. he is the victim here. I support him.

    • Of course you do...

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  • Jealous much? Don't dress this up into her being the problem. She loves you ( and thinks she has found her soul mate ) but you feel insecure and want to sleep around, that's fine, but dump her and then slag around. She deserves better than you I'm afraid. Why would you want to throw away your relationship? Because you feel entitled? When your single you can sleep around as much as you want

    • Yeah...we have a really hot mutual friend who always flirts with me so I already have a girl in mind. Its not like I want to end the relationship, I just have to follow my heart.

    • Your following your penis, not your heart. If you sleep with the friend, the relationship should/would come to an end, that is a choice your making

    • Yeah I already slept with her so there's no going back now. And honestly I don't regret it at all

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  • I wouldn't worry about it too much... you have done her a favour by letting her see what a shallow judgmental person you are . She look back on it all and think " phew" glad I dodged that bullet.

    • I think she deserves to be judged considering she was slutty and now wants to settle down with a dude who is the opposite.

    • You aren't the opposite,you have the mind of a f***ing manwhore. You want to go out bang 5 chicks so you guys are "equal", that makes you a manwhore because you aren't even having sex for your pleasure, you're doing it to spite her

  • do her a favor and leave her, she needs a better man. your a joke.

    • Ma'am I disagree.

    • A joke for sure ahah

  • Wow, you're disgusting. Dumping her after two years just because she dared to have sex before you two were together? Why the hell should it matter if she was completely faithful to you during the relationship?

    How would you feel if down the road, your new girlfriend dumped you for having slept with more people than her and that she didn't want a "slutty" boyfriend?

    Its appallingly hypocritical that you regard her previous sexual experience as shameful and you go on here and brag about your own.

    If I were her, I'd be glad to be rid of you.

  • I wouldn't like it either, but you're overreacting, your ultimatum is completely irrational. Be ready for a possible break-up.

    • I dint wanna break up...just yknow play the field.

    • She'll want to.

  • To your update:

    What on Earth? Why are you already ready to sleep with other girls? You want to break up with Melissa because she is "slutty" yet you have already fooled around with one girl and ready to fool around with another. Sorry, but doesn't that seem hypocritical to you? No, it doesn't make you a bad person, because one decision doesn't define a person, but if I were Melissa my heart would have just shattered in a million pieces if I knew this information.

    • Yeah...i think she knows.

  • It sucks that she slept with other people, but if you really love her you should accept her having partners before you. Also, it's quite selfish of you to not want to marry her because she is more experienced. She wants to get married to you and would be making love to you, so obviously she doesn't care about your lack of experience.

    • This is a good answer...but I don't think my pride would allow me to be happy.

    • I am not sure what you mean by your pride would not allow you to be happy. Are you happy without her right now? Are you without her?

    • Yeah I told her we were on a break, so I'm pretty much doing whatever I want right now.

  • Just leave her alone and suffice your ego without dragging along another poor soul. You have a lot of growing up to do.

  • ...Are you for real?

    • @the second update: God dammit, I hate this world.

    • This world hates YOU.

    • Pfft, I'm not that special.

  • what!.. his majesty is the 7th... how dare she! of course your highness..go "bang"other chicks. that poor mortal can wait for your divine ass when you have quenched your insatiable ego.

    what I wanted to say was... you are too childish to have a steady girlfriend or get engaged. your lack of sex life is not her problem and it does not make her ëasy". it sure makes you a PRUDE

    • Prude? Me? I only have sex with prople I care about, and I thought she was the same but now she kinda sickends me.

  • if my Boyfriend had less experiences than me, I would want him to f... other girls. for me its shame to have more experiences than guy.

    • I wish you were my girlfriend haha

    • but I would break up with you. then if you will have enough experiences we will date again if we both will want to.

    • That is awesome, you're definitely a rare awesome woman.

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  • Oh lord.

  • Hahahaha you're so f***ing pathetic. It's not her fault she's sexy enough to hit seven. You're just a pathetic ugly loser who can only land two chicks don't blame her for your insecurity and inability to land women. God what a pig I hope she dumps your stupid ass

    • Okay but I'm not pathetic, I chose not to sleep around because I think sex is special. Well at least I thought it was until now. And I can land as many chicks as I want, I've already slept with one of our mutual friends and it was very refreshing.

    • I really hope she leaves you... And I hope you remembered to pay the girl you just laid, she's probably not a hooker because she's rich!

    • Haha pay her? We've had a thing for each other ever since we first met, I just acted on those desires since I'm free now.

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  • Omg this breaks my heart for that poor girl

    • What about me? No sympathy?

    • What do you mean what about you? Just doesn't seem like she deserves to be hurt so bad. I guess I understand you don't love her and don't love her, but it sounds like she loves you (for some odd reason)... ahah

    • Because I'm an awesome guy...duh

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  • Nahh, not 'wrong'. It was harsh though, and don't expect her to want to get engaged with you after you did that. As long as you tell her you're doing it instead of cheating on her, then go for it.

    • Maybe I shouldve kept my mouth shut and just cheated.

    • Yeah good one. If you did I hope she would have found out.

  • wow... email?! you're a douche bag. 2 years is a significant chunk of life to be committed to someone, and you are gonna throw that away? JERK.

    • yeah...you wanna hook up?

  • i am happy for your update.good don't go back to her...plzzzzzzzzzzzz...i beg u

    • ...you wanna hook up?

    • lol...no... I don't hook up with children

    • You sound hot...come on I'm a great guy

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