I am afraid to let my boyfriend see my body

[Anonymous]

we Haven't had sex I'm a virgin and he's my first boyfriend. i'm not obese or fat but I am a little chubby. it makes me embarrased when we make out and I feel his hands go all over me.it makes me want to stop and I can't even enjoy myself..but of course he's into it and for some odd reason he doesn't seem to mind. he always says "you feel so nice" and "you're so soft and warm" and stuff like that. he tries to pull my shirt up and I always stop him.he says its okay that I'm not ready. and it's not that I'm not ready I just don't eant him to see me. and when I look at him without a shirt he has nice muscles and a bit of a six pack I think why would a guy like him be interested in a girl like me. he is so oblivious to how I feel about my body and I can't bring it up to him. even though I know he's felt my body before and has an idea and clearly doesn't mind my chubbiness I can't bring myself to do it. i don't know why I'm so self concious and I feel like I'll never be ready to let him see me. i know this might sound stupid..i just don't know how to get over this insecurity and stop worrying so much so I can actually enjoy myself.

[MrOracle]

Imagine that your boyfriend was in a car wreck or something and his face was beaten up, or that he, say, had kidney issues and had to go on steroids and gained weight. Would you still have the same feelings for him, even though his outer appearance was no longer as nice?

Your boyfriend KNOWS what your body is like. He may not know ever last tiny detail, but, trust me, he knows the big picture and lots of the details. And I'm sure he never thought you were Kate Moss or (insert anorexic girl's name here). Yet, he still chose you. Do you know why?

It's because HE IS ATTRACTED TO YOU!

The myth is that guys are only attracted to "perfect" bodies. But that's total crap. It's crap because every guy has different tastes, so there is no agreement on what is "best" or even "desirable", and second, because NO WOMAN has a perfect body. If they did, then tens of thousands of air brush and Photoshop artists would suddenly be out of work.

The truth is that guys are more connected with the REAL world than girls are, and their expectations are usually much more realistic. He doesn't expect real girls to have photoshop-perfect bodies. And in any case, he didn't fall in love with your body, he fell in love with YOU, the WHOLE you, but primarily your personality and attitude and good heart. He has feelings for you, and so, as much as he has sexual desires, he only wants to share those with YOU.

As I said, he knows pretty well what body type you have, and he's attracted to it. Even if YOU don't understand how or why, that's beside the point. Only HE gets to choose what he is or isn't attracted to, and he's attracted to YOU.

That means, there's nothing you can do to disappoint him, other than be self-conscious around him for NO REASON. He fully accepts you, so why can't you accept yourself? There is exactly zero chance that he's going to get your shirt off and run screaming out of the room because you have a couple of extra pounds on you. Instead, he might just pass out (or, attack you) out of sheer glee.

Stop being such a harsh critic of yourself. He likes you for YOU. Accept that, and be comfortable with that idea, and you'll have a MUCH happier life. And so will he.

[purgatory]

this comment was nice until you said "insert anorexic girl's name here". seriously?

[MrOracle]

@purgatory It was an exaggeration to make a point.

[pandaninja]

Ok this is going to come out rude but please pay attention tpo the message so you can learn something instead of just getting angry, do you really think your clothes hides what you look like? if your chubby it will be obviouse even through clothes, you can always tell how slim girls are through their clothes and he likes you and is dating you anyways so don't worry about him noticing you have some belly fat first of all most girls do second of all he already knows and third of all he will be looking at your boobs not your belly, noe if your self consience of being topless period that's another issue don't let him peer pressure your shirt off but if your problem is honestly your belly your safe

[raineydaygurl]

thats exactly how I felt with my boyfriend. he's my first boyfriend and he has a much nicer body then me and I am a bit chubby. he says the same thing about me I'm soft and he likes the way I feel. it took me forever to be comfortable around him. I almost stopped dating him because of how I felt about my body. you need to be honest with how you feel to him. I was and he has been so understanding and incouraging as I make baby steps. you need to trust him. he's obviously attracted to you or he wouldn't be with you. I'm so glad I just went for it. I've never been happier or felt better. I had my first shower with my boyfriend a week ago for our 6 month anniversary. and it wasn't as scary as I thought and it was fun for both of us. just trust him,talk to him and you can both work together and take small steps towards it.

[wrenlgr]

Very normal :) I was really self conscious too and would kind of turn a certain way or almost sprint to the bathroom even after we started sleeping together. After a little while, I was able to talk to him about it. He listened, understood, and totally disagreed. I would actually suggest you work on trying to talk to him about it. It will make your bond closer, you two will know exactly what the other is thinking, and he will get the chance to tell you how attracted to you he is, both physically and mentally.

[confusedprincess95]

Feeling this way is perfectly understandable. One thing you need to remember though is that your boyfriend loves you even your chubbiness. Pace your self of course and take it slow but when your ready know that he loves every thing about you and don't be afraid.

[TurbulentDan12]

It doesn't sound stupid at all this happens to a lot of people. You just have to remember that if your relationship gets to the point where he is having sex with you, he'll obviously care a lot about you. And he won't care about tiny flaws. Nobody is perfect, and nobody expects perfection in their significant other. You have no reason to be worried about what he'll think because he's attracted to you and that's all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Next time you two are making out and he tries to pull your shirt up just tell him even though you know you shouldn't be you're really shy and can't help it. Then tell him you don't mind going just a little farther if he will turn the lights out. He's not going to get mad. Gradually work your way up to doing more as you get comfortable with him and eventually someday you'll forget to shut off the lights because you'll be too busy enjoying him.

[Anonymous]

I was in the same situation, I have a six pack, over 200 pounds and have been told I have "nice muscles". She had these beautiful curves on her, she would call them fat, and call me crazy. I found it cute that she would get embarrassed. After she saw the bulge in my pants when we would have a groping session, she relax..