First date fingering-is he only after sex? yes or not necessarily?

[Anonymous]

we would have lengthy phone calls and texts before we finally went out, we ended up making out and it's embarrassing but he fingered me. Second date was OK and he's a gentlemen on our dates but I don't have a lot of sexual experience but he keeps saying that we probably will have sex when the time is right. we talk quite a bit to each other. I read somewhere that it sounds like he only wants sex but he's called me before just to talk so that it doesn't seem like he's just a creep. I really like him and he said he has feelings for me. Is there a way for my conservative mind to accept that he's not only after me for sex or am I making myself believe something I want myself to believe?

[honestyispainful]

99% sure that he is just playing you for sex and the decision to give in to this so fast tells me you have are having mixed feelings about it. You should tell him that you feel it was a mistake and you are not happy you made that decision. Tell him that he should not expect it will happen again and surely should know that sex with him is a long time away. You will have to not only say this, but let your actions speak for you on the next date. In addition, don't put yourself in a position where it could easily happen and if he attempts to after you have told him, he has no respect for you. At that point your actions will either prove you also don't respect yourself or you want it as much as he did and will act on that. Tell him for a while your dates will be in open public or in a group setting. If he says that is stupid or says no, I am right, if he tells you he is sorry he made you feel that way and wants to be around you even without a sexual aspect, I am wrong.

[imonfire]

He probably does want sex. But that doesn't mean that hea doesn't want you, in fact it probably means that he wants you so much that he wants to take things farther and make you feel good.

He's probably a little bit nervous and a little bit confused about what you want. Don't let this ruin a good thing, if he takes things too fast just calmly slow him down... don't scare him, or make him feel bad for wanting you so badly, make him realize what you want and what you expect.

[sourpatchchik2]

We don't know what he's thinking so we can't assume all he wants is sex. Just like we can't assume he doesn't want anything more.

However, what is it that you want? I mean you made out with him and let him finger you on the first date too. So he might be wondering if you just want sex or not too. It's a two-way street.:p

[Asker]

yeah obviously I'm not blaming him. takes two to tango etc etc

[sourpatchchik2]

I know you're not. Just bringing up a possibility.(:

[honestyispainful]

That is so true. It is all about perspective and respect for ourselves. Allowing it or doing it is not "better" for either, it is the same.

[My1stchoicewastaken]

Well if he is, you'll find out quicker f***ing him now this way rather than later and dragging it out and him still leaving in the end because you'll never give it up. Makes sense to me...

[honestyispainful]

Are you kidding, how about not doing anything and finding out. Great "guy" answer. Sleep with me on the first date and see if I really like you. Try going to the restaurant and telling them, I want to eat and you will see if I will pay or not.

[Asker]

I didn't sleep with him...he has paid every time for everything. stands up for me, I feel that I'm just insecure and just need some advice. I dno't want people fighting on here.

[My1stchoicewastaken]

Are you kidding me? Money apparently expresses a real liking for someone you're basicaly spelling out. I'm saying if you don't do anything and that's all he wanted, they're leaving regardless. But if you F and then they leave, at least you're not too attached at that point. Yeah I'm kidding, that's why I took the time to write it...

[byronbuckles]

You are going to have to decide if he's worth your time. You have to decide whether you are enjoying yourself with him and you feel that you are truly building a real relationship.

If not, you know what you will have to do: Cut it off before you make it worse for both of you.

[kheserthorpe]

I know people who have sex on the first date who are not just looking for sex.

If he seems interested in things beyond sex then that's a good sign

[LoganK]

let him finger you... give him a hand job... make each other happy :) just go with it!