Sexual Health
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Do men generally expect sex if you are dating?

I've never really dated before...but am trying to start...I'm 27 and still a virgin (like have never done anything sexual)...I was planning on waiting till marriage. Guys...if you start dating a woman..do you expect sex at some point? If so...how long after you start dating? I know there isn't an exact rule...but based on your past experiences. Also..is being a virgin at 27 a turn off? Or never having kissed anyone? I know...this sounds like a teenager asking a question...but it's for real...I'm 27. Thans for your help.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • First of all, don't feel weird: I'm turning 32 next week, I'm a male, and I'm also a virgin waiting for marriage. Plus, I have ZERO practical experience dating. :( Which is entirely my own fault, too, because I have no difficulty attracting women...I just don't know how to proceed beyond the flirting stage. lol Correction: I am afraid to go beyond the flirting stage, since I want to wait until marriage for sex, but I don't entirely trust myself to stick to it if a woman starts kissing me, etc. :P

    Anyway, as for your question (sorry, I got off on a tangent), a 27 year old virgin is NOT a turn-off to me, but rather a major turn-on! I am actually really HOPING to find someone like that to get married to someday. It's very relieving to know that there are actually those like yourself out there, since I sometimes despair of ever finding anyone like that (so many people have given in instead of waiting). As for kissing...I'm not one to judge in that department. lol (See above.)

    You're perfectly fine...you just need to make sure you find a guy who is okay with your decision to wait. Don't let anyone push you into it, either, because if you've saved yourself for someone special, you deserve to get someone special! :)

  • Are you planning on waiting to do _anything_ or waiting to have sex?

    I think first off, men who are dating pretty fast expect you to do _whatever you did in the past_ with them. I mean we want a woman who wants us. If you are holding back because of your own rules, that's one thing, but if you've done it in the past, and don't 'want to' with us, we'd assume you don't want us at all.

    Second, there's the fact that we actually want sex. How long a guy will wait depends on how serious he is, what else is happening, etc. If you aren't interested in doing anything till marriage, and he has no interest in getting married any time in the next few years, he's gonna move on. If he's thinking 'maybe this girl is the one' he might be inclined to see. Though I think most guys who are NOT virgins would find it very hard to go with _nothing_ even for the length of most engagements.

    If I were single again (I'm married) and I were at a point where I was ready to remarry if the right girl came along, I doubt I could handle nothing (not to mention I'd question what our sex life would be like). But if we were doing other things, and waiting for intercourse, and marriage bound, I'd wait. Eagerly.

    • Yes, I'm planning on waiting to do anything until marriage...I've never done any of it in the past. I grew up with the notion that men and women should be separate until marriage. Like...they should not be alone together even. My parents never spoke to me about how I would ever go about finding a potential mate, though. I always just thought someone would show up? As stupid as that sounds...but at 27...it has not happened yet. I'm studying medicine...so the human body isn't a big deal to me...

    • I really wouldn't be opposed to having pre-marital relations...but I'm just afraid of what my family would do if they found out. I suppose in a way it is good that I've had religion (that I no longer follow) and a strict upbringing...because if I didn't...I'm sure that I'd be very "loose" with men...

Most Helpful Girls

  • My boyfriend doesn't expect it, per se, he wants it. But I'm like you, I'm waiting for marriage. He understands that, but sometimes he gets the better of himself and I have to remind him. It's cruel to deny a guy what he wants, but you have to put your happiness first in some cases. If he really loves you, he'll wait it out. But it's okay to kiss a guy and not marry them. Nothing wrong with that.

  • i read an article in a magazine recently where an 'expert' said 2 weeks was the normal length of time to wait for sex when dating. personally I think that's mental if youve only just met the guy, but it depends on how big a deal sleeping with them is to you, or if you trust them enough

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 15

  • I'm a virgin too but I'll give this a shot, based on a *lot* of reading and observation.

    First of all, everything I say applies only to fairly mature men. You never know who's got a skeleton in the closet, so don't take the behavior of one guy as a rule for all of them, or feel pressured to agree/comply with him. Golden rule of relationships is to do right by yourself, to do things only when *you* are ready.

    -You say dating, so I assume this is slightly more formal than going to a bar or the like and making further plans. Men interested in actual dates are often looking for a long-term relationship. Most men seem to expect sex at *some* point if it's not stated early on that the woman is waiting until marriage or something similar. Sex also has varying degrees of sacredness to different guys, some will treat it like watching a movie while others are a bit less casual about it. Figure out the type of guy you have when you date, we're often happy to talk about it with you :)

    So, since you're gonna wait until marriage, tell the guy on maybe the second date if the first went well. Either he will comply or he'll move on.

    -I hear many guys find it a turn-on for when they finally have sex. A minority find it a turn-off or don't have an opinion either way.

    Good luck with dating. :P

  • Most of us yes, but not all.

    I'd want a little more like handjob after a month or so, gruadually progress and sex after 6 months.

  • Where the hell can I meet more girls like you, and where I'm from, you'd be highly regarded

    • Well...maybe I should move to a place where waiting until marriage is common. I hail from Detroit : (

    • I hail from Ireland lol

    • Well...I guess I'll move to Europe, then!

  • ya I do expect to have sex in all honestly. I never understood how a precious metal ring made any difference regarding sex. virgins aren't really a turn off.

  • We have a need for sexual fulfillment. That is not the same as "expecting it". It is simply important to many of us.

    • I see...that makes sense, based on how men are wired hormonally speaking...

    • People just have different needs. That is just one of them.

  • honestly, I wouldn't know WHAT to make of it.

    Looking at your pictures, you're not an unattractive girl, so if you told me that in person if I met you, say, in a coffee shop, I'd be somewhat off-put.

    From my experiences, girls who are older virgins tend to have this knee-jerk response of disdain for anything physical, and there is like this icy wall around them that makes it really hard to get close.

    I think if the girl WAS a virgin with your ultra-lack of experience, I might be willing to try to wait & be patient.. if I REALLY clicked with her...

    ... for a girl who's not a virgin, the longest I could (theoretically) go without expecting sex would probably be a month... the longest I've ever actually gone is the 3rd date, and by then I was ready to walk.

  • Well, yeah..sooner or later am going to want sex...with the exception of one, every female I dated had sex with me sometime within the first 4 dates..that was their choice..I did not demand or push...my recommendation is to "let it flow"...I honestly think you will know when to have sex because you will feel like having it...I always avoided virgins...but what is probably important is to not make that an issue...in other words you probably would not want a guy to either date you or boycott you based just on that issue..right? But if I started dating you and liked/loved you..then I would likely not flee when I discovered that you were a virgin. Lack of experience is no big deal..is easy to learn...anybody can do it...and it is fun to teach...most guys are not going to care about your lack of experience...might even be a plus...(:

  • I would, though I'd be willing to wait. I don't think I could come up with an ultimatum, but I wouldn't wait for marriage. I don't believe in waiting for marriage.

    As far as being a turn off in general, not for me, I'd be perfectly fine with it.

  • if she's a virgin then no if she's not then yes

  • At least two months, yes.

  • I am still a virgin, I am 22, personally I would rather wait it just seems like it would cause less trouble.

  • id make a move on the second date, but wow I can't imagine how youve managed to remain a virgin, you are hot

  • I'd say after a month or two of dating I would expect a little something.

    • "Expect" or "want," they are two different things. I'm playing devils advocate.

  • i turned 24 last month and I'm still a virgin, so a virgin girl is a huge turn-on for me, it would be more romantic and special, because we would be each others first, but I would expect sex in less than 6 months when we are dating.

    • why the downvotes?

  • It depends which part of the world you're in, how religious you are, and what expectations you're giving their guy you date...

    It's best to be honest (at the start) by hinting where your limits are, so that a guy doesn't get led up the garden path, so to speak...

    No problem with being a virgin at 27 or never having kissed anyone. You would be highly valued in some cultures. Make sure you attract your type of a guy, or be ready to give in.

    Frankly, in my times, if a girl gave me sex too readily, I would have seen that as a warning signal! Agreed that times have changed a lot since... and so have values and attitudes..

    PS: Assuming I get into the dating game now, having been in and out of sexual relationships, my expectations would be different. But then, I would understand a girl who felt the need to wait till marriage or whatever... and either fit in or ship out.

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