I'm 19 he's 28. Should I be worried?

[Anonymous]

A week or two ago, this guy messaged me online. I looked and saw that he was 28, so I ignored him at first. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how frustrated I was finding a guy my age who was on the same level as me mentally. So I thought, "what the hell" and started messaging him. We hit it off from there and we've been talking for a week or two now. We have talked about sexual things like fetishes, likes and dislikes, but he knows I'm a virgin and has been extremely respectful. Healways asks if I'm comfortable talking about it, which I usually am. There's something about this guy that I like, so I'd really like to give it a shot. My friends are a bit worried about me though. I'm turning 19 on Tuesday and between that and hearing my friends concerns, the age difference is starting to worry me a bit. I am an extremely level-headed girl and I always try to act as a role model for those around me. I would never meet with him in a private place and I do carry mace that I'm not afraid to use. I also try to step back constantly and be realistic about my situation, but it is him I'm worried about. I don't feel as though he is a pervert or somebody scary. I've told him I'm not comfortable doing anything sexual for awhile, but I have been increasingly wondering why he would go after somebody 9 or 10 years younger than him. So what do you think? Is age really just a number or is there reason to be concerned here?

[AndyWes]

It's odd sometimes, lol. I remember when I was 19 at college and a 34 year old female classmate asked me out. I slightly freaked out, lol. My friends/family thought it was hilarious... they're evil.

A reason why he would go after someone 9 or 10 years younger... for one, you're probably beautiful. Another, it's much harder to find dates past 25, because so many girls get married. And women in his age group likely have much more baggage.

Should you be worried? I don't really think so. You haven't stated any reason to believe he's a predator or a molester or serial killer, haha. Just remember, you both are at different stages in life and probably have different mindsets.

On the upside, he's probably going to be more respectful and 'gentlemen' that most guys my age that you'd normally be dating, haha.

[Asker]

Thank you for the insight. I'm still cautious, but this actually makes me feel much more at ease.

[handsomejackk]

It's hard. Society tells us we have to date someone very close to our own age. Unfortunately nature commonly tells us otherwise.

You know how boys in high school seem to be so immature compared to the girls? Well it doesn't exactly end there. Males and females in the same age group are constantly at different stages in their lives.

But connection overrides any differences. If you connect with this guy, go for it!

[Anonymous]

If you were 28 and he was 38, I'd say go for it, but there's too much of a maturity difference between someone 18 and someone 28. It puts him in a position of power to easily manipulate you--and he's already doing it. You've only met this guy 1-2 weeks ago and he's asking you about sex and fetishes? I'm 36, and that would be a big no-no for ME.

Your friends are right to be concerned, and you should be too. ANY guy who is 28 and showing interest in an 18 year old girl is only after sex. Period, end of story.

[handsomejackk]

A position of power? How exactly? She's 19, she's not a baby.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your reply. I don't want you to think that I'm glazing over it, because I'm not. You're right I am very concerned about his age difference. I've told him exactly what I am and am not comfortable talking about and he respects it. I've also told him that I'm not willing to have sex anytime soon. If he tries to cross a line, I'll mace his ass. That being said, the only reason I feel comfortable meeting him is that we have several mutual friends who can testify to his character.

[Asker]

I'm also an avid feminist who is trained in self defense, just throwing that out there lmao

[Opinion Owner]

Oh, handsomejack, you are precious. The fact that you asked that question shows your lack of experience. You'll understand as you get older. I don't mean to sound condescending, but I promise you truly will have greater perspective on what I'm talking about as you get older.

[handsomejackk]

So that's your way of saying that you don't really have an answer to my question.

[Opinion Owner]

If it makes you feel better to think that be my guest.

[Asker]

I hope I'm not interrupting anything here, but I want to know the answer to the question too. How is he in a position of power? Jack is right, I'm not a baby and as I've said, I can defend myself mentally and physically. (I have a support network of friends who watch me closely)

[Anonymous]

Too be honest there are those exceptions out there but yeah I would be worried. I'm turning 21 this year and couldn't imagine even dating an 18 year old. No offense, but you're younger than you think and he should be a lot more mature. I always get creeped out. I don't know what an almost 30 year old man wants in a 19 year old girl

[sportychicky]

So many guys seem to like younger women, just look on tv, real life and everywhere else. If you and him are hitting it off see what happens.

[torken]

take your age, divide it by 2, add 7, that's as young as you can go.

28/2= 14+7=21

No, sorry, he shouldn't be dating anyone younger than 21.

24 and possibly 25 year olds can date 19year olds, after that they shouldn't.

[Asker]

lol where did that logic come from?

[sportychicky]

I agree where did this idea come from?

[torken]

Not sure where it came from, but its a fairly common rule

link

It was on parks and recreation too, and it just works so well starting at age 14

[Asker]

Eh, seems fairly subjective to me. I take everything with a grain of salt. I really do appreciate your input though.

[torken]

well of course its subjective, technically you are 18, you could date a 70yr old if you wanted. but that rule its pretty good at what our culture considers normal

[Hello_World]

Guys like younger girls cause they remain hotter for longer, that simple!

Why not do it properly and save yourself for the person you marry, saving yourself a lot of heartache.

Talking about fetishes online... hmm... bit of a red flag to me... but maybe I am too old fashioned.

[Asker]

That was probably my fault if anything. He did bring it up first, but said we didn't have to talk about it. And said he felt guilty about it later, but I'm comfortable talking about anything so I said I didn't mind. And I was going to save myself for marriage until I kind of fell out of the whole religious scene and turned into a spiritualist. Besides, it's so hard finding somebody who would wait that long that isn't either totally stuck up or trying to convert me.

[Anonymous]

I think if you have these concerns, maybe you shouldn't be with him. I don't know. Just trust your instincts either way. Usually when I do, I'm right and things end up not working or working accordingly.