My boyfriend cried after impotence

[Anonymous]

i know this is anonymous and all but I was really hesitant to post this because it's a little private & and it can be embarrassing. sp please try to keep any jokes to yourself. me and my boyfriend have been dating since we were seventeen, and we're both in our early twenties. for about four years he was a bit addicted to a really harmful drug & alcohol but after a little rehab time and lots of work he's learned to kick the habit. I love my boyfriend and I'm very proud of him. there is a problem we are deal with now. he is sexual impotent, we don't know exactly why or what to do and he doesn't want to talk to anyone out of embarrassment, I suspect.. we've tried a lot of things but nothing seemed to work. only every once in a while. he'd get a little depressed and we basically quit. of course sex is important in a relationship but it was never our priority.. but a few nights ago we tried again and agian and still nothing, he could not get it up. he started to put him self down, and I assured him like I always do that it's okay and I tried to make him feel better. I guess after all this time and feeling so bad about it he finally broke down and he started to cry. and he told me" I don't understand and ill never understand. and this makes him only half of a man.and now he's crying in front of me to make this worse" and stuff like that. I consoled him as much as I could and as much as he allowed me. i was shocked to say the least, I've only ever seen him cry once before when his uncle died. after a little bit he became really distant and did not want to talk to me about it anymore and even seemed angry. by this point I was helpless. I want him to be happy, but I also want him to know that's it's okay and we can get him some type of help and get past this. but I reallly really don't know what to do. because like I said I don't think I can convince him to see a doctor because of his pride..im confused and I don't know what to do at this point because he won't come out of this shell. any advice or words of wisdom would do a world of good right now... ? .

[Red_Arrow]

You don't think you can get him to see a doctor because of his pride and embarrassment. If I was in his shoes, I would consider the situation damaging to my pride and would be doing everything I could to fix the problem. Of course to do that, I would need to consult someone who could help. (That is spelled D-O-C-T-O-R.) Worrying about it, feeling bad about it, wishing it would change, crying about it... None of those things will help a bit. If he wants to change the situation, he needs to see a doctor.

As someone mentioned here, meds can cause the problem and a change of meds could make the problem disappear. However, I suspect it is more serious. The drugs he abused may have caused the problem. If so, the damage may be reversible or it may not. Again, a doctor is needed to tell.

Other possibilities: his hormones may be out of whack and a doctor could prescribe something for that, which may also help other problems he may not even be aware of. He may have blood flow problems (common in people with diabetes) so that the normal stimulation's cannot cause an erection. Or the opposite, he may have perfectly good blood flow and have nerve problems.

Some men who are "unable" to get an erection, or get a strong one, or keep it for a while, can actually get a very strong lasting erection in their sleep. That is one of the first things the doctors check for (after a normal blood workup). If that is the case, the "little blue pill" could work wonders.

Lots of other possibilities. He needs to see a doctor.

[Joshbgosh]

Well, originally I wanted to post some jokes, but this seems serious.

You know how people say stuff like, "Admitting you have a problem is the first step"? People say that because it's true. You need to talk to him and be able to convince him that he needs to talk to professionals, whether it be a social worker to sort his sh*t out or a doctor to prescribe him drugs to allow him to obtain and maintain an erection.

If he still completely refuses, which would be absolutely detrimental to him and your relationship. Try to have him relax, he might be extremely stressed. Spend a lot of time giving him a full body massage. Rub your hands all along his body and kiss him. Take charge and have him rest while you do what you want to do to (hopefully) start him up.

Good luck.

[Deft_maiden]

Hmmmmm it seems like something he needs to come to terms with and tackle on his own first. You are doing all you can do. If he is pushing you away ( looks like he is). There is not much more you can do other than offering support. As for his impotence, it could be due to any number of physical or psychological issues. It is up to him to seek treatment. This is a very sensitive subject to a man. so tread carefully. His whole identity as a man is riding on it. You too need to get educated about how to deal with impotence. Read some books or google the subject. I tell you tough at some point if he is not willing to get help and rejects your support you might want to tree validate your relationship.

Best of luck

[Deft_maiden]

Reevaluate your relationship*

[Anonymous]

the drugs he did could have damaged the vessels in this reproductive parts not allowing blood to flow in properly. there really is nothing to say is what's done is done and there's really nothing he can do other than get on ED medication

[MrOracle]

This could be a physical problem, a mental problem, or a medication problem.

Is he on any meds? Particularly depression meds? SSRIs are very well known to crush a person's libido and cause ED in men, but a doctor can usually perscribe different meds that will reduce or eliminate that problem. It is VERY common and something that a doctors hears all day, so there should be no reason for him not to ask.

Physically, there could be a bloodflow problem or other medical issue that's causing the problem, and in most cases they can be addressed fairly easily, so again, talking to a doctor is necessary.

The MOST common reason for ED is mental. If a guy is nervous, anxious, exhausted, or stressed, ED is a very common symptom. Ironically, even worrying about his past "failures" can be enough to cause new ones.

[vptwarrior]

this makes me sad, anyways try going to several doctors, figure out the source of the problem, if they can't find anything physically it might be something mentally. "he's saying he's half a man because he can't ever have kids, which is one of the main mental goals of almost every man, to be able to impregnate his wife and start a family, if he can't do that, he feels like his life is over"

[xXxAx3LxXx]

That sucks...Maybe he should go see a doctor? o.O

[Anonymous]

I have impotence too. It's really bad, my identity is shaken, what is a man without a d***? Nothing, useless. The fact that he has cried it's probably good. Apparently impotence is on the rise. See this link

Don't know if that's the cause f his problem but at least he can start working thorugh his shame of being impotent. I don't know what else to say, only that the shame is so enourmous it took me years before I started really addressing the problem, still now it is difficult. It's since I was 18 I have this problem, I'm now 36 and not out of it. He needs help, there's help around, wish I had known that years ago, I can't describe how it feels, to know I'm the own source of my problem, and not being able to get out of it

This book too addresses the problem somehow No More Mr Nice Guy (it's not about getting him to become an a**hole). Unfortunately even andrologist don't f***ing have much of a real clue. I'm seeing a therapist

[Anonymous]

Sadly you can't help him unless he helps himself. Tell him you don't care much about the sex yourself but you know it hurts him that he can't do it (he can't deny that after his crying episode) and you won't live with him in such an unhappy state of mind. Tell him to get help and you'll support him or else...

It seems pretty mean but it's the last option you have.