Why does my boyfriend look at porn when he knows it hurts me?

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and we have this on going fight every time I find porn. I had a bad childhood experience and found my dad's stash when I was about 6 years old and ever since then I've always viewed it as disgusting and hurtful because my mom and dad used to fight about it a lot as well...I don't want to be like them.

I've tried to except it and be one of those "cool" girlfriends that doesn't care but those girls in the porn are so much prettier than me and I can't stand to think my boyfriend would rather look at them than me. Just thinking about it is bringing me to tears and over the past 4 years I've expressed to him how bad it makes me feel about myself and he says he would stop but it never happens...it just seems he doesn't care if I get hurt as long as he gets off. He tells me I don't give it to him enough but I can't feel sexual and willing if I don't feel good about myself but I still try.

I'm really not a prude or anything I'm actually very adventurous in bed and love to try new stuff...when I'm in "the mood" which he doesn't seem to put effort into getting me into the mood. I know guys have more urges than us girls do but I just wish he would come to me to take care of that stuff instead of looking at strange girls. I really just wish I could be pretty and perfect like those girls he stares at all the time but I can't compete with them. I want to know what I can do to make him less interested in those girls in the porn and turn his focus to me like he used to. I know everyone says just have sex with him more often but it's not that easy when I don't feel good about myself or my body and he doesn't try to make me feel special anymore. I just don't know what to do...I know he loves me but I don't feel it when he does stuff like this.

Updates:
Maybe I should make myself clear Yeah he comes home to me, most girls would say that's all that matters but it's not fair that I'm still laying in bed while he locks himself in the bathroom for 2 hours or more to look at porn when I'm available for him!
How often do we have sex? ugh when we first moved in we did it like 4 times a day but we were 17 then now we work full time and I feel like I'm not living up to how I used to be but neither is he now we both work full time and maybe 1-2 times a week now
1-2 a week is like drought levels for us...we have been so tired and he works hard but isn't more effort to jack off alone for who knows how long instead of laying down, getting me in the mood then lay back and let me take over.?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I laugh at some of disagrees on here. Obviously, watching porn is a choice. It can definitely be as addictive as gambling or drinking. So the argument is always, "Is porn acceptable". As a personal choice, yes it is. No law prohibits someone from viewing it. So it isn't "wrong". However the neat thing about this is that you also have a choice. If your boyfriend wants to establish or keep his relationship with you, then you also have the choice of being with someone who chooses to watch porn. You do not have to put up with it, nor do you have to conform and say "Well everyone does it anyhow". Not so, I don't choose to do drugs. And that's my personal choice. If someone doesn't like that aspect about me or my significant other, then that's tough luck. The same thing can be applied with porn. If your boyfriend cannot understand that you want a relationship where porn is out the door, then he is not even close to being a worthy suitor. When it comes to who we date, you are perfectly liable to set boundaries, no matter what anyone says. It's your life and not theirs.

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      I really like this answer.

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      Do not call me an idiot ever again. Do you understand me? Your the confused one here, I never said there was a comparison between procreating and drugs. Watching porn is no different than an addiction. It is by DEFINITION, an addiction as well. Furthermore personal choice can be anything. People date based on similar backgrounds and their enthinicities. That is CHOICE. The same thing with being with a person who is alcoholic or addicted to anything else. Now grow up, and learn to be more mature.

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      A person can become addicted to p*rn and masturbation. When one orgasms the brain releases Dopamine, the "pleasure" drug. This is also the same chemical which is released when one smokes weed and various other drugs. The brain is wired so that we seek more of this chemical so saying that masturbation and p*rn is addicting and not related to drugs is really ignorant.