We have been together for 3 years and have been sexually active for about 5 months. I know she's always been very very scared of being pregnant and always took the utmost precaution. As far as our sex goes, I have still yet to make her climax which is personally bothering the heck out of me! We have a great communication so it works out, I felt like we were getting close, we bought a vibrator for her clit and stuff like that. BUT ANYWAY we were out with a bunch of people at dinner the other night and a friend of her was talking about how having a kid "just happens" and it was an accident.
The next day she tells me that she is seriously thinking of getting off of birth control and wants to stop having sex. I said its up to her and was real good about it, but inside I feel like shit lol.
I guess being with her as long as we have and being the sexual person I am (SHE IS TOO) I didn't expect this. I figure its one of two scenarios.
1) She is really freaked out and doesn't wanna get pregnant. I've tried to explain to her that birth control and condom use together makes it nearly impossible (Perhaps I'm wrong). I just don't see where the risk is. If this is the reason and I am right about the odds, I don't see why we still can't be doing it.
2) Maybe our sex life is awful, and she's not missing anything if she does quit.
I feel awful. I don't know if I can just stop having sex, although people do wait til marriage but still I don't know!
My girlfriend is the same way, though not such a degree. She is definitely just freaking out about being pregnant. Even if she can't reach climax, sex is still enjoyable. It will hopefully happen, though - for my girlfriend, after about four months of constant sex, she finally managed to climax (twice!), and ever since then she climaxes every time. Like, it was literally an instant change. So, don't worry about it too much!
But anyways, it's torture - I know this from experience - to be having regular sex then have it taken away for no good reason. If it is important to you, you have to lay your thoughts down here. If she still says no, demand an explanation. If it's irrational (such as pregnancy from using both a condom and the pill), explain to her why it's important to you and how unfair it would be to stop. If this fails, it's time to take a hard look at your relationship. Decide if it's worth the frustration.
This may sound shallow, but sex is one of the most important things in a relationship. It builds a bond stronger than any other. If she's not willing to continue, perhaps she's not willing to do a lot of other things, as well.
Have you talked to her about the situation as of late? What I mean by that is, have you sat her down, and asked her why, exactly, she has made this decision?
Most girls, when you approach the situation in a specific and endearing fashion, will be honest, and open with her answer to you. And maybe that's what she needs: To know that you care as much to come to her about how you feel with the subject.
I know that many guys believe that doing this is too -emotional- a concept to follow through in doing, but take it from a girl, we really appreciate it.
Sit her down, talk to her, explain to her how you feel, and ask her what her influence is, and where this is coming from. This decision doesn't only affect her, but it also affects you as well as the relationship you two share.
It's quite possible that she's unable to climax or really enjoy sex because she is so nervous about getting pregnant. Nothing kills arousal like anxiety.
I understand your frustration; I would not be very happy if my boyfriend suddenly decided he didn't want to have sex anymore.
With typical use, the pill is about 96% effective, condoms are around that number too I believe. Maybe she could consider using the Nuvaring; there's no chance of missing a pill and the effectiveness is 99%. If you use condoms and the pill, or condoms and the ring, your chances of getting her pregnant are very, very low.
I guess you should approach the subject gently and try to reassure her- maybe show her the facts about birth control and explain that you would miss the intimacy with her, etc. That's a tough one.
i think that you should definitely try to talk to her some more about this issue. because it might be the scare of being pregnant or it really could just be something she's unhappy about in the relationship. don't feel bad if you've never got her off because a lot of women are outties and you just have to work with that. when women are outties they have difficulty getting off during intercourse no matter who their doing it with.
First of all, that really sucks if she hasn't reached a climax after five months. Like, really? Plus, no girl wants to get pregnant unexpectedly. Just let her be, man. You are freaking lucky she loves you so much.
use condoms and she doesn't mean it about not having sex try her test her out tell her ok so we won't have sex anymore.shes gonna go crazy with out it eventually just use condoms gosh is not a big deal or tell her to stay on birth control
Well you are not being honest with her, "inside I feel like shit,' not a basis for a good relationship. I would say she is not being honest with you either, as she did not explain her reasoning for this decision. If the two of you can't be honest with each other, you should move on too partners you are more compatible with.
Wow, this one sucks. I feel bad for you. Does she mean ALL sex, or just intercourse? I mean, there is a lot you can do short of, know what I mean?
Maybe that's the test. Go along and be real cool, supportive, understanding (play her game) and see if you can get to where you are both into things short of going all the way. If she shows caring and compassion and a willingness, than build things from there. If she gets all funny and distant, respectfully move on. Good luck.
Hey, my girlfriend went through something like this. I think what got my girlfriend over it is when I vocalized that I would be with her if she ever did get pregnant. To me this point was always obvious, especially as we had been going out together for 3-4 years, but I guess it wasn't to her despite how much we loved each other. I'm not even sure how the subject came up as I didn't know it was a issue, but when it did she seemed better right after. I guess it just made her more confident that if she were indeed to get pregnant, it wouldn't be the end of the world.
So I guess my advise wouldn't be to keep telling her that the odds are nothing, because that 0.1% chance with a condom and a pill is still going to scare her no matter what. Instead try focusing on how that 0.1% chance occurring isn't that big of a deal as you will still be there for her. Your in a tough situation and I feel for you, hope it works out.
im in the same boat, been in a relationship for 14 years, she doesn't want marriage and only tonight she came home drunk to tell me that we will no longer be having sex and i asked her is that final or just for a short time, to which she replied probably final, heartbroken doesn't even describe how im feeling, i no longer feel im needed and nothing more than a rejected fool, i try to keep my composure but once kids are at school i break down, im totally lost what i have done wrong, she won't tell me why she has come to this conclusion in our relationship, i know its a lame thing to say but ever since she went on a lot of nights out with her female friends from work which i may add are lesbians (nothing against them btw) her outlook on our relationship has to a massive shift for the worst, before her nights out we wanted the same things and now she doesn't want the same as me anymore :(