How do you space it between making out and not going too far?

[Anonymous]

1) how soon is it okay to make out with a guy you are seeing without seeming easy? i know that may sound like a stupid question. but I have never had just an innocent little kiss of a make out. it always turns into a grope fest. when I was a teenager it ended at some feeling up but now that I am older and in a different league and both the guys and I are more experienced, it is very hard to not get carried away. i have to force myself to stop too. I almost had sex within a few days of meeting him. so how do you space it between making out-->feeling under my bra-->hand and finger--->oral--->sex? how far apart are all these steps for you? how do you not get carried away with making out? it seems like some guys expect sex after one make out session. and my problem is that I'm so horny too. I want him to make me moan with pleasure. I don't fool around with guys that much, but when I do I'm already very turned on. how do you keep the control, not give up too much too fast that he will lose respect for you? i definitely don't want to have sex the first time we make out. but it seems like guys expect it so fast now. am I just with a**holes who don't respect me? or what? any advice? personal experience? thanks. and don't call me a whore. because I only had sex with one guy. I did end up losing a guy because he expected sex right away and I was willing to finish him off it but I was not ready to have sex so he got mad.

[MrOracle]

There is nothing wrong with the way you feel at all. Of COURSE you are horny too; you're human, aren't you? That's completely natural. It's also natural to want to slow things down a bit, despite your desire.

So, set some ground rules. Given that you are somewhere in college-age, I recommend waiting at least 3-6 dates or 2-6 weeks before having sex with him, though if you feel that is too soon, you can adjust as you like. Once you get an idea of when you think you'll be ready (assuming everything else goes well), you can work backwards from there and figure out how far you want to go at each step up to that point.

And tell the guy that you don't rush these things, and you want to work your way up to that. Don't tell him the schedule, but let him know that sex will EVENTUALLY be an option. If you, say, decide that no clothes come off for the first 3 dates, then tell him the rule, but not the time. If he behaves (he'll try to push it a LITTLE), then when you're ready for the next step, tell him the new limit. Once he realizes he's "on the path", he's apt to be patient, unless he's just after sex, in which case he'll bail on you and find an easier girl, which is exactly what you want.

Just remember: it's the guy's role to be aggressive and move things along, and it's the girl's role to put on the brakes and set the pace. If he cares about you, he'll respect you for holding off a bit, even if he's a bit sexually frustrated.

[MrOracle]

You aren't wrong to at least be concerned; college-age guys are smack dab in the middle of their sexual peak years (16-25 or so), and are also immature and experiencing the most freedom that most will ever have. That's not a great combination for girls looking for love. LOL. But there are good guys out there; you just can't be afraid to filter out the not-so-good ones. Don't get attached too quickly.

[katiesmuff]

Very very carefully