How do women regard men that are in control of their sexual desires?

[Anonymous]

A female friend of mine has the theory that "douche bags" as she calls them, tend to get sex with more women because they are more driven by their sexual instincts. The "nice guys" or "losers" (I guess she means the guys with poor self-esteem or hygiene issues) hate their sexual nature and try to deny what they are. She said that because I am not "out there hitting on women" that they will simply assume I am not interested and that my control of my sexual desires will "probably mean you lose out on the mating game, possibly even more than the loser guys" because women don't like men that are in control of their sexual side, because she says women want sex more than men and are just better at hiding it. A man in control of his sexual desires, she claims, is not at all attractive to women regardless of how confidence, wealth, athleticism or other factors.

[vmw2008]

I get where she was going with that, but I still disagree. Women in general assume that guys choose to have little control over their sex drives. That they're always ready and willing. So when a guy doesn't sleep around, we tend to think it's because he can't, not because he's choosing not to. I know it sounds ass backwards, but men have almost dig their own graves by being too willing all the time. Now, guys who aren't always willing are assumed to be unable to get it. And unfortunately, it's usually true.

That being said, if a girl got to know a guy and realized he's actually a very desirable guy who has the opportunities he's just more choosy, that would be a plus in my book. It seems to be unfortunate that the most desirable men are also the sluttiest. Women don't like the idea of the man they love sleeping around either or being unable to settle down. If I met a guy that was desirable, had the opportunity to sleep around but chose not to, I'd think I had struck gold. I'd also be less concerned of him cheating.

[jlb03]

As a man, I agree with your breakdown. I'm one of those slutty guys. I guess early on in your late teens you realize you have advantages over the average guy. A bigger than average penis, tall, attractive face, and a good built. You have a higher value and have more opportunities with girls overall. My relationships never last, and girls move on when they realize they can't change me

[vmw2008]

Well if your concern is with bedding many women instead of building a solid relationship then I guess you're getting what you want and the girls that move on are doing what they need to do as well.

[jlb03]

In a way I am. Though, I also realize my youth and player days are coming to an end. I had my fun, now I'm seeking out a girl I can get serious with and possibly get to that next level with.

[vmw2008]

Lol why did you answer in another question that you are in a relationship of 2 1/2 years then?

[jlb03]

I was, but I cheated the whole way through it. I wanted to remain friends with benefits, but she kept doing more and more for me. Making me dinner, letting me use her car because its better on gas, doing college assignments for me etc... She was equivalent to that kid on the baseball team that ran out every fly ball, come to practice an hour early, and give everything a 110%. I didn't have the heart to cut her, because no girl ever cared for me as much as her.

[vmw2008]

Karma my friend. Can't be a douche in the past and expect to have a perfect wifey not that you're ready. With any luck you'll end up with a girl just like you, only a better liar.

[jlb03]

I hope not, but your probably right. I have a lot of good memories of sexual conquests over the years, but would trade it all for what my brother has. Which is a beautiful girl, inside and out. Yeah, I know how to get girls into bed with me. Though I have yet to have had sex with a girl I wanted to be in a long term relationship with.

[vmw2008]

Girls want the same thing, a guy who is "beautiful" inside and out. And your history has proven you to only be "beautiful" on the outside. Like attracts like in most cases. A girl who is beautiful on the inside will not be at all impressed by your history of using, cheating, and sexual conquests.

[jlb03]

That's be honest here. Most girls have shady pasts, but if they don't tell how would I know? I don't have to disclose everything I did in the past, just leave most a mystery. I have discovered that girls under 21 seem to wanna have fun, where girls around my age have been with the a**holes and are ready to settle down. Which means, they will settle for the less attractive nice guy, who may not be as confident as the a**holes they dated before.

[vmw2008]

But you're the a**hole they're trying to stop dating.

[Asker]

Very few people are capable of lasting chance, jlb03. It takes an exceptional person to honestly evaluate their own weaknesses and choose to grow beyond them. We humans are creatures of habit, People live their lives bound by what they accept as correct and true and accept it as "reality". But what does it mean to be true? Truth is something we create for ourselves

[vmw2008]

Exactly. Very few people grow out of things like that. The only "players" that seem to grow up and have successful marriages are those that were honest and good about it. No cheating, no lying, just simply not ready to settle down and still did right by the people they interacted with. Those that choose the low road rarely grow out of it. They remain liars and cheaters for life as it is a character flaw, not merely a "stage." Any woman of quality will be able to spot it and run.

[jlb03]

I admit my faults, and still continue to fight the demons that exist in my life. I know I have a problem, but it's my only real vice. I never did drugs, I don't drink, and never went to jail. I think for me it's more of a game or challenge to see if I can get them to bed with me. It's caused me think less of women, seeing that by my calculation I did the one day. That 40% had boyfriends at the time. It just makes me question women's values, which seem to be no better than mine.

[vmw2008]

As I said before, like attracts like. It's no surprise to me that a trashy man would attract some trashy women. Women willing to cheat and lie as you have. That's why I say the only kind of woman you will end up with is a woman like you. Which is what you deserve. On the other side of the moral fence there are good people, but you've got to be one to have them. I'd personally take the drinker over a guy like you.

[Asker]

I sort of see what you are saying jlb03, I have known many drug dealers and even one guy that was on death row due to my line of work back in the US. A lot of guys on death row would get love letters from past high school girlfriends or fan mail from women they had never even met. It was estimated that Manson received no less than 5,000 written fan mails in the 2007 calendar year, many containing nude photos or love letters from women.

[Asker]

The dealers inevitably had very attractive young girlfriends, although these women were often very confused or emotionally hurt people with self-esteem issues.

[jlb03]

I'm not saying I won't end up with a slut in the end, but I do believe upsets attract. I wouldn't say I'm a full on "Bad Boy", but I do have a lot of confidence and I'm attractive enough guy to get the attention of a good bit of women. What I do from that point is up to me. I feel women as a whole, treat genuine nice guys like sh*t. All these girls I talk to say how much they want a nice guy, but always end up with the a**hole. Nice guys get the short end of the stick until later in life.

[Anonymous]

I agree and disagree with everything being said here. I think how a woman regards a man in terms of controlling his sexual desires is mostly dependent upon what said woman is looking for in the first place. If she wants a one night stand or f*** buddy, she's going to look for a guy who confidently displays his lack of sexual control and is willing to sleep with her (with standards of course). If she wants a relationship, she's going to look for a guy who is more in check with controlling his sexual desires and is willing to have a relationship, too (again, also dependent upon her standards).

[lproxsme]

really well I don't think I agree... the guys who get girls are douche bags for sure because they know how to play the game well but they also don't keep the girls either. The girls find out he is just after her goods and as long as that is his only goal us girls aren't going to stick around with them. The guys that are in control are the guys were going to date and marry. Sure he might get more but at the end of the day he is alone.

[carinabina820]

Because we want sex when we want it and the man has to be ready to go. A guy that controls it too much isn't attractive because he doesn't try to make us feel sexy as hell like we want and he's also more likely to reject us sexually, which is a guaranteed confidence murderer for any girl. We expect a guy to have two heads a big one and a small one and act like it.

[AliciaJ1]

I don't think your friend knows what she's talking about.

[Anonymous]

She is really both right and wrong mister, you cannot say something like that and expect it to stick to everyone and thingies.

In control is actually [for me] really the best. It means I won't have to deny you from randomly trying to undress me because you are in the mood and I am not.

I also maybe think that if you can control your desires? then it makes you more suitable a hubby for women like me with low-s-x drive.

Something that is right now was not right many years ago? And maybe not in the future. I mean? something I read said guys like cuddles after 45+ and women get more pervy? But weather it really is true I am unsure. I think its just equal, guys are just more voicey and stuffs about it. I am not sure why people have to /hide/ being s-xually driven [h-rney]. It seems a little natural? I mean..boom boom = baby? So not reason to hide it and thingies, I do not? but then I do not actively flirt either - I just turn all shades of colors if a guy talks to me? squush?