My boyfriend says after a while of me going down there he becomes "numb" and can't feel what I'm doing anymore

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while. I love him and its my only desire to make him happy. Last night we were together and I was going to give him oral. I honestly have never been able to make him come when I do this. After about five minutes or so he said "my turn" and proceeded to stop me and attempted to turn the attention on me. He always does this every time and finally I wanted to know why so I asked him. He said that he wasn't very horny that day and that was why. But I disputed the fact that this has happened almost every time we do things. I'll go down for a few minutes and then he'll turn the attention to me. Finally yet reluctantly he told me that when I do go down, after a while it just becomes numb and he can't "feel what I'm doing anymore". I was shocked. And devastated. Was I doing something wrong? Is he not sexually attracted to me? I don't know what to think. He says its fine and that he gets his pleasure from pleasuring me but he doesn't understand how it feels for a girl to hear that she makes her boyfriend "numb" It hurts so bad inside. I felt disgusted with myself. Is it something I'm doing wrong maybe? Has anyone else had a similar problem? Is there something I can do? Any help, experiences, and advice would be greatly appreciated. I love him so much. I just want him to be happy.

[Anonymous]

I came across your question when I posted a completely different question but somehow yours came up. I'm responding because I have become numb before and it isn't always easy for me to come when receiving a blowjob unless the technique is perfect.

1) the numbness - this comes from too much of a repetitive motion. I find when I'm getting numb, the best thing to do is super light slow touching to tease is the best to get the numbness to go away and to build up the stimulation again. It can either be done with your hand or your mouth. Again, very, very light and slow touching of the penis. It will tease and get the nerves going again.

2) technique is key - It is not a sucking action as if you were drawing in fluids or air. That will hurt. It is about pressure. The best blowjobs I've received were all about the tongue pressure. Swirl your tongue while around the head with as much pressure as you can but keep your teeth out of the way. When not swirling, press your tongue as hard as you can against the roof of your mouth to tighten things up on him. Change things up and throw in a little of the super light teasing I mentioned above to get his nerves to go crazy. And FINALLY when he's about to come and also when he's coming, rub your tongue as hard as you can against the bottom of his head. Either press his shaft down or tilt your nose down so you can press harder. AND don't stop when he starts coming. Don't stop until he begins to pull away. To drive him crazy do some super light touching after he's done as he'll be super sensitve so he can only handle the super, super light tickling or touch.

Good luck and post back if you "blow his mind" with this as I bet you will.

[wpmason]

Wow... I might be crazy, but I completely disagree with stubbsy's answer.

First of all, it is absolutely possible to suck too hard. Imagine a penis that is one huge hickey. That's what sucking hard creates. It will bruise, it will be irritating and embarrassing for the guy. DO NOT SUCK "like ice cream through a straw". Also, before I even read his answer, I was thinking that if by numb your guy means that it gets tingly, that could mean that you're already sucking too hard.

My advice. Is to to back way off of the suction, and see what happens when friction is the only thing going on. (Obviously, there'll still be a little bit, but keep it very light.)

If you want it to get better, you have to start trying different things, and getting him to provide feedback and suggestions. Don't take it personally though, it's not personal, sex is just awkward like that.

If he still can't come, it's probably just something in his head.

[Asker]

i actually don't suck that much. Rarely actually. Maybe I should? I definitely try my best to be careful and gentle because I know it a sensitive organ. I don't know. He doesn't want to talk about it. I will probably address it later. It seems too soon now.

[wpmason]

I can remember the first few times I got oral, I had like a mental block that prevented me from coming... it just takes a while to get used to it for some people. And if he's relatively experienced, it could just be that he views you differently than the others. I'd strongly recommend working on better communication and just giving it some time.

[stubbsy]

Theres a good chance you are doing something wrong, so your best bet to perform the best blowjob, is to have the end of his tool touchouching the roof of your mouth, close your lips firmly round his shaft, then suck like it was a straw, ie like sucking icecream through a straw, don't worry about how hard you suck, if its to hard, he will tell you, but more suction the better really, and it don't huirt, but some women think that, putting his penis in their mouths and sliding it in and out is causing us extreme pleasure, its not, we need sucktion, so just think of his penis as a large straw, and you need to suck something through it, he will be I awe of your talents, trust, good luck,x

[Asker]

i think I will do that. But only if he asks me to. I'm not going to go down again Unless he asks me. I don't want to be "stopped" again. Thank you though.

[risted]

i've never heard of feeling numb from a blowjob. was he able to get off fine in the past and it's only like this with you? and what about you, have you made men come from oral in the past? I would doubt its your technique if you've been able to do it with other guys. and if he's with you I'd assume he thinks you're attractive considering he'll go down and eat you too so I think it's alright to rule out a lack of attraction.

[Asker]

well usually I try to combine a handjob and blow together. Idk. He's says a couple times I've been close. And he's the only guy I've ever been with so I wouldn't know. I think maybe its something I'm doing wrong. But he keeps saying its fine. Its me I just don't know what it is specifically

[risted]

understandable. well, you could try changing up they way you normally do it and see if that has any success. I don't know what tips to give you there since I don't know how you typically do it Lol. but other than that, do you ever ask him if there's any certain way he'd like you to do it for him? a certain twist of the tongue or sucking motion or whatever that turns him on so much.

[Asker]

thank you. I don't think I'll bring it up anytime soon though. He finds it annoying that it bothers me so much. He thinks its nothing I should worry about. I will ask him sometime though. Thank you for the advice though. It was helpful.

[risted]

youre welcome and I hope you guys figure out what's going on. it should be an experience you guys both enjoy together. it might seem like not a big deal to him but he needs to realize that it makes you feel like you're doing something wrong or he's not as into you as you thought he was. goodluck!

[Anonymous]

I experience the exact same issue as your boyfriend and, rest assured, the problem lies with him not you.

I was circumcised aged 18 and have had many sexual partners since. Not one of them has managed to get me off with a blowjob and I have always had the same 'numb' lack of sensation that your boyfriend describes. Within a few minutes I find my penis had lost all feeling and begin to lose my erection. At best, I get a vaguely pleasurable feeling, but it desensitises my penis to such a degree that I enjoy penetrative sex less. After a few awkward moments in the bedroom, nowadays I tell girls straight up "I don't enjoy blowjobs" and go from there. Being open about it has made things much easier.

Sometimes you just have to accept that all bodies aren't the same. I'm sure 95% of guys would love your technique, but there will always be a few guys who just can't get off on it- in the same way that certain girls don't enjoy oral or can't cum from PIV sex. I'm sure your boyfriend wishes he could enjoy blowjobs, just as I wish I could enjoy blowjobs (believe me, I've punched a lot of walls in frustration over this), but that's life. Don't blame yourself and try to focus on and enjoy the other parts of sex.