My boyfriend says I have an attitude?

[Anonymous]

For the past two weeks me and my boyfriend have been fighting, going through a real rough patch. I'll admit, I've been moody and I have had an attitude. I'll tell you why, because we haven't had sex for like 3 weeks, but I see that he looks at p*rn. So I get pissed off, I don't say anything to him, I keep it all bottled up inside because I know what his reaction would be, hence the attitude. Because I'm trying to keep my anger inside. He says the reason we haven't had sex is because since I've moved in, I'm always up his ass and my personality has changed and I have an attitude. Then he got drunk and went all out saying "Maybe I don't love you because how can you love someone if you don't like there personaltity. I'm not attracted to you, not because of your looks but because of your attitude" That really hurt my feelings...because he's told me he loves me and that he means it, his family said that they've never seen him this happy etc... But since I've moved in, I have had an attitude, but it stems from the fact that he's looking at p*rn and it bothers me and I don't say anything.. Do you think he really meant what he said when he was drunk? And how do I stop having such an attitude and getting over the fact that he watches p*rn? Because I'm sure he always watched p*rn, but not everyday and we were still having sex. Ever since I looked into the history and saw the p*rn he was looking at, I get an attitude, and then me and him don't have sex, and then he looks at p*rn even more. It's a cycle. And I want it to stop. Because it will be the end of us if it doesn't. PS: The reason the p*rn bugs me so much, is because he doesn't watch videos, he looks at pictures, of other women, sometimes he even goes on sites "Dirty teens" he's 29 years old for god sakes. It makes me feel like my body isn't good enough so he goes to look at other bodies.

[TwistedLogic]

Your frustration is understandable. I can't tell you what to do, because I haven't heard his side of the story (don't take it the wrong way :P). But I will give you my analysis:

1) A lot of people in here will tell you to talk to him, because communication is the key to a successful relationship. This is a good advice, but I only saw it working once or twice in my life. Because when both parties are stubborn and have an attitude, communication will be a waste of time.

2) Some people will tell you that p*rn isn't an issue, and it shouldn't bother you. I don't entirely agree with this one, especially since you are offering your body and willing to have sex with him. But remember that it's not you fault you don't have enormous breasts or a slim body or whatever, I'm sure there are plenty of men who are better looking than your boyfriend and have sexier bodies.

3) Some will tell you to ditch him because he's not worth your time and you are the GREATEST woman on the face of Earth etc... The break-up part sounds very reasonable to me, specially after reading this :"...since I've moved in, I'm always up his ass and my personality has changed and I have an attitude." which is a strong cue to leave this relationship.

Males and females can't live under one roof, sharing one life together. They have to fake, pretend and compromise most of the time, or else they'll murder each other. I just don't get why would anyone put themselves in a situation such as yours and your boyfriend's? You are both suffering and not liking one another, so say goodbye and leave, there is no need to revive or rebuild anything because relationships are simply meaningless, to be honest. But that's just what I think!

Good Luck. :D

[MrOracle]

At least you recognize that your relationship is in a death spiral because you both keep hurting each other, with makes you both more miserable, and the cycle continues. If you don't make a change, it's going to crash and burn and be lost forever.

Start by reading my article about why men look at p*rn:

link

It isn't because he doesn't like you, or that you aren't good enough, or that he isn't attracted to you, and it isn't that he wants the kind of girls that he sees in p*rn. Lots of women make that mistake, but that's just not how it is. My article explains men's motivations, and should help you accept why nearly all men watch p*rn.

Once you can accept that and have a more positive attitude about it (because you are no longer threatened by it), then you'll find that you'll both want and have sex with each other a lot more often, and his desire to watch p*rn will diminish, and he won't choose p*rn over you, but rather only watch it when you aren't available.

Read the article, break the cycle, and save your relationship. You'll be so much happier that way, and so will he.

[Freedom480]

Honestly I think you guys should look into counseling, There are more underlying issues than just the p*rn and not having sex for 3 weeks for me personally to understand how to approach this question. All I can really say is you both need to sit down with a professional and air out your problems even maybe sit down one on one and work out personal things.

[katylaura]

it sounds obvious, but talk to him about the issue with p*rn. if you know that is causing the attitude problem, tell him how it makes you feel. I wouldn't say there was anything wrong with p*rn, but if it's interfering with your sex life which in turn is damaging the relationship, some boundaries have to be set.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Shacking up is almost always destructive, and sets you up for the opposite of what you think it will. Study after study after secular study has confirmed this; yet out generation will not repent.

But if he's visiting "Dirty Teens" regularly and he's my age, then he's got a problem. Leave that situation fast. You are only getting in his way, and he'll resent that enough he might do something criminal to get rid of you.

Realize that either way; once you're out of the way, the site won't be enough for him anymore. He may just become a predator. Hopefully that's not the case. But it does happen. All too often. I've watched enough episodes of "Cold Blood" on Investigation Discovery to know that. It starts with a simple guy viewing p*rn and thinking it's all harmless. The girlfriend gets pissed and leaves.

Then suddenly, 14-year-olds start showing up in ditches in plastic bags, with their heads missing.