Sexual Health
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My 20 year old virgin boyfriend... What to expect?

I met this really amazing man, we get along really well and have lots in common. He is now one of my best friends plus he is a fitness trainer. He happens to be very muscular and handsome in every way. He's so sweet, but he's never had a girl friend because he's always been way too shy. He never made out with a girl before me, and I had to actually explain to him how to make out... The kissing was pretty bad at first, but now he's alright, just not amazing at it. I really do care about him so I'm being patient, but here is my concern. When we kiss, I don't really feel much, like barely any sexual tension or anything like such. I was wondering if that could be because I am the one doing most of the work. Also when he gathers the courage to go on top, I don't really enjoy the kissing... It just feels like he's a bad kisser and that it doesn't come naturally to him. Every so often he will gather the courage to gently touch my breast or butt for a short while, and I really like that but it's so short and the kissing isn't that exciting unless he is touching me. He seems too scared to just let himself be natural. Do you think once he becomes more comfortable with the physical, that I will enjoy kissing him more and actually feel more of a "spark"? Please give me advice if you have experienced this before. I want to enjoy kissing him because I could see us happy together for a long time.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • The answer is yes. You get better over time. I remember my first time, I was fortunate enough to have some other experience but the girl I was with knew exactly what and how she wanted it. It kinda removed my fear. As far as the kissing, your gong have to further instruction. He likes you, so he's not going to take offence because he wants to please you. As far as the no spark thing. There are probably a couple reasons you are feelings are on empty. 1. bad kissing...the biggest turn off, it is the initiator to everything else and if it is messed up at the start...game over. 2. He inexperienced. He is shy and afraid to make a move. Most girls enjoy sex the most with the feeling of being taken. I don't mean raped or anything, just the feeling of the man taking control. I will warn you judging by the fact you're teaching kissing that it's going to take some time. If you like the guy stick it out. Be as open as you can about your sexuality. Let him know what you like and he will do more of it. Let him know what you don't like and he will stop. Your patients and teaching will lead to his confidence and you guys will be sexing like p*rn stars in no time.

    • haha lol thanks... I am so used to the guy initiating everything... This is all so new to me. Although I hope the first kiss doesn't mean everything is pver, I'd like to think it can get exciting...

    • haha well its not over but its definitely a good way to start. Once he gets over that hump the sexual tension will increase rapidly. If you run into any more problems please feel free to message me. Select the best answer.

  • I think he _can_ get past this and you _can_ help him, but he needs to work more on his mental state then anything else.

    He needs to understand:

    - that he can learn techniques, and that helps (especially for certain things) but that you (probably) want passion first, and techniques integrated IN to that.

    - that even if he kisses or touches you 'not that well' if he's doing it with lust, its going to turn you on.

    - basically he's holding back instead of going for it, he's worried about 'doing something wrong'. But 'holding back' is like ... the worst. He should just enjoy you, enjoy your body and you'll like that, and then he can supplement with things that work for you.

    • Your right, that is exactly true. If he kisses and touches me with lust it would really turn him on. Last night he got a bit more brave. I told him I loves when he touched my butt and boobs, since he was briefly doing it shyly every so often. I told him it seriously turned me on and that a girls nipples were super sensitive to touch. He was like really, I'll do it more then. ha ha s he was really grabbing me and I loved it. He said he loved it too. haha. Thank you :)

    • Good! Again, the more you can stress that its not just what he does and what technique, but HOW. If he's turned on and all over you, that actually turns YOU on. Ask him if he'd like it if you were super turned on and going nuts. He'll probably say he'd LOVE it. Then ask why he thinks you'd be any different?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Tell him that it's okay for him to let loose a little more with you, and if he goes too far, you'll let him know. Also, if you think he's a bad kisser, try teaching him. Instead of telling him he's bad and that you want to teach him, just show him how you like it... or say something like "Try it like this..." He just needs reassurance and encouragement, and maybe a little bit of teaching, without knowing that he's actually being taught. Know what I mean?

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 5

  • He is obviously nervous and isn't completely sure what to do, and probably is unsure if he's "allowed" or if you like it, so the best thing to do is TELL HIM that you enjoy when he touches you, and that you wouldn't mind if he did it more/longer, and that you WANT to be his and to have him ravish you. In other words, help build up his courage and confidence by letting him know that you WANT HIM and that you like when he touches you. Guys, especially shy guys with little confidence, really need to hear that.

    It's awesome that you are patient with him, because you'll really help him grow his confidence, but you also need to be able to talk to him about it and to show him what to do. If he grabs your boob and then pulls his hand away, don't be afraid to grab it and put it back. Or if you want him to do something (kiss you, touch you, pull your hair, etc.), TELL HIM so he knows what to do, that it's okay to do it, and that you WANT it. If you do that, you'll get him out of the slow lane and moving at more normal speeds, and YOU will benefit as much as he does.

  • It is likely he is just nervous. He probably wants to be a really good lover, but thinks too much about it. As often happens the first time with him will likely be awkward. Just give him gentle loving feedback on what works for you and what doesn't and he will likely learn quickly to be a good lover.

  • Maybe he feels like he sucks and therefore he overthinks things and therefore he gets nervous and therefore he sucks

  • Well I'd be the same way. I'm very shy and have very little experience with girls and normally its too much thought going on and too tense. Not comfortable, nervous but the more you work at him with it the more comforable he'll get and won't be so tense and more loose. Your experience's will only get better when he is more comfortable, don't be afriad to give him tips, he'll listen to you, be patient with him if you really like him and don't be quick to judge the relationship off of a bad intimacy experience. If you feel a connection with him and like him for who he is, his personality and he feels the same way about you that's what really matters and lasts! With time and your advice, he'll get better so you feel those sparks.

    • That's a good one thanks

  • Definite yes, it take a while for a BF/GF to find out their 'rhythm' and since he hasn't has experience in the matter you can't expect that much from him at first. You said he's too shy? Be direct and tell him what you like and what you want more of. Also show signs that you like it (even if it isn't fantastic) to build his confidence and loosen him up a little.

    Hope you guys have a fantastic relationship! all the best.

    • Thnk you! :)

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