Is watching other people having sex considered cheating?

[Anonymous]

i understand that a lot of relationships are different, but referring to monogamy, people have in mind what they consider cheating. the baseline in my relationship is that it's crossing a line when you have the intent to arouse another person. recently I've encountered a situation where I wasn't automatically certain if this was considered "cheating". in the relationship we have an understanding that p*rn does not count as cheating (because in some relationships, some people count it). anyway, a friend of mine who is in an open relationship wanted to have sex with me, I declined the offer, then he asked if I would watch him and his girlfriend have sex. obviously I wouldn't do anything that made my boyfriend uncomfortable, but I did have to think, "would this count as cheating".. what's your initial reaction? also, just to put this out there, I don't think I'll participate in said proposal, just curious what this community would jump to. thanks!

[MrOracle]

I wouldn't go as far as to say it is cheating, but I definitely think that doing something like that puts you in a VERY awkward situation, with a potential for a number of bad things to happen. A few off the top of my head:

- You get super-aroused and join in (hey, it happens).

- You just watch, you tell your Boyfriend and he gets mad.

- You just watch, and don't tell your BF, but he finds out because THEY tell someone, and he gets mad.

- In the head of the moment, they try to get you "involved", you resist, and they overpower you and you get sexually assaulted or outright raped.

There are other possibilities, but you get the idea.

IMO, anything you are not willing to tell your Boyfriend about BEFORE you do it is cheating. If you told him they wanted you to do that, and he said "go ahead, have fun, and tell me everything when you get back" then fine. Otherwise, even if you don't ACTUALLY cheat, you've made the huge mistake of making it APPEAR that you might have, and that's almost as bad.

[Asker]

thanks! no, I would never just go do something like that. I believe it's a bit of a joint decision as we're monogamous & I would want him to approach me if he was in a similar situation. I believe that his desire for me not to do it would be greater than my desire to do do it.. if that makes sense. I'll ask next time we converse :)

[northwestree]

This is a very interesting question. And it is a very personal question where to set the line.

It seems your friend has an exhibitionist streak, wanting others to watch he and his girlfriend have sex. There is nothing essentially wrong with that, it is a matter of taste. Some people like to watch, others like to be watched, some both and some neither. Watching and being watched is what the very popular sex clubs are all about: link

It comes down to what you and your BF, individauly and together are comfortable with, and beyond that, what you each, and together like.

For myself, I like to watch and am a bit shy to be watched. You will have your own taste.

Continue the discussion with your boyfriend and come to an agreement.

[sovetskii13]

I don't think so. Cheating would be joining them. I mean, you watch p0rn which is full of total strangers. Do you consider yourself as a cheater by watching people doing it in p0rn? Probably not. So, I don't think it's cheating.

[foolycooly1001]

I'd say it's different than p*rn, because it's real-time, and it's right next to you. It's much more real than p*rn. It's like worse than a strip club. Do you let him go to a strip club? Would you be okay with him being friends with the strippers?

[longrodvonhugendong]

Did you actually want to watch them?

[lala-193]

i don't really think its cheating, but its kinda weird to do if your in a relationship, I'm not really sure why it just seems strange to me

[dudeman]

well if its something you wouldn't tell him you shouldn't do it it is a line and he might not want you to hamg around that guy anymore and I don't see why you would seeimg he doesn't respect your reationship

[doctorwhofan23]

Notcheatbuti don't advice it

[Rick912]

For anyone who is visual, watching a couple having sex is a great experience. It can be a big turn-on.

[Anonymous]

If you're watching p*rn then no.

If you're watching people going at it in real life then it's borderline.

[Anonymous]

In p*rn, you are watching totals strangers.

But your proposal is different because you are watching someone who you already know, who you have a relationship with (even if that relationship is platonic).

There is no reason for you to watch your "friend" having sex, other than to fantasize about him. Similarly, there is no reason for him to want you to watch, other than to fantasize about you. As soon as you do this, you are both accepting your non-platonic desires for each other, and your relationship with your "friend" ceases to be platonic.

There is probably some question of how platonic your relationship with him is right now. Of course, you can't be blamed just because he desires you. And you may find it difficult to deal with your own desires. But there is no reason to add fuel to the flame. No reason to encourage yourself to lust for him.

No matter how you define "cheating", this is not healthy for a monogamous relationship.

[Anonymous]

nope that's called watching p*rn!

[Asker]

i don't think you read the question, it's actually being in the room with two people you know that are having sex..