My niece and nephew are having sex, my sister wants me to talk to them,

Ok, I have been close to both. My sister is a single mom, I have taken care of both.

Apparently they started around New Years. He is 18, she, 16. Turns out they were both virgins, STDs not an issue. My sister came home about two weeks ago, found them f***ing in my nephews bed.

She talked a bit, but wants me to talk with them. I have done most of the sex talks (sis usually sits in, not always), partly because of my nephew being older.

They have stopped for now, but are giving my sister a hard time.

They have used condoms, have not been with anyone else.

Other than the incest issue, which is a biggie, I am not sure what to say. My feeling if told to stop, they may or may not...what other reasons?

I seek a peaceful way, locking them up, boarding school makes no sense. Logic usually works.

Updates:
To answer a couple of points: they have always gotten along well. They said on New Years weekend they got carried away. No, I don't know the details beyond consent by both, nothing forced.


The love they feel is not romantic, it is lust. That said, I look for points,until I see them, then will update.
Talked, really listened. It will stop. No presure from either. Going to see therapist, they understand objections. It will not be ongoing, summer helps, with each at different groups. I want to thank all for the comments (even hositle). I know people who work in the field of family sex, but.wanted to get all views, well as many as I could. With some work, it will be something we don't need to revisit. Again, a thanks to all for what were, in the main, thoughtful remarks.
 

What's Your Opinion?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • This is a hard one. I was in a class a couple years ago and we were discussing an article about morality that I don't remember the name of. It was basically about the idea that we find things to be morally wrong because of this innate feeling. We talked about this example: A brother and sister both consent to having sex together once. They decided to go to the woods to do it. No one knows about it except them. They use protection to limit risk of pregnancy. So basically we are asked to explain why this is wrong, without using pregnancy, other people knowing about it, it repeating, and lack of consent. It went something like that such that we couldn't really give a true reason for them not to do it other than we just felt it was wrong. Your case is obviously different, but as far as an explanation for why it is wrong, beyond the obvious, is hard to come up with. It is just this feeling most of us get when thinking about such a thing. So to come up with a logic response can be really hard.

    They are old enough that you would expect for them to feel that this is wrong. You can tell them that it is wrong, there is a risk of pregnancy, and that it is just unhealthy. There is no real good that can come from what they are doing. I also agree with the answers below that you really need to try an understand why they are doing this. You can't just lecture them and expect it to all go away. You need to find out why they got started and why they think it is OK to continue with such behavior.

    Sorry for such a long answer. This is a messy situation and I hope it all works out OK.

    • It was hard, but I think all will work out. It was nice that the issues managed to get dealt with and no wild name calling, but as rational as possible given everything.

    • Thank you for BA and I'm glad things seem to be working out. I think you and your sister handled this as best as possible.

    • Thanks, not to long. Ideally I will listen not talk.

      Don't think I will use the example you class had, but it is thoughtful and as complex...

What Girls Said 6

  • 3mo

    Personally, I would have let them continue. I see nothing wrong with consensual incest.

    • 3mo

      yes it should be ok

  • Contrary to popular belief, consensual incest happens more prevalent than we think, even here in America. The misconception is that it only happens in abusive, poor, ignorant or in homes with neglect, but there are many cases in history where people go on to marry their siblings, cousins ect.

    Here's where you probably need to seek the help of a professional. You say the sex is consensual, but even then, one of them might be pushing the issue, through coercion or force, while the other is too afraid to admit it. Never mind what is being said. It must be at least vetted and the only way to do that is speak to them separately. Someone skilled in this area would be able to ask the right questions and come up with a real assessment.

    I can't imagine what your sister must be thinking, but I would suggest just doing some research on the subject and suggesting your sister do some too. A quick google search can give you some insight and perhaps other people's experiences. When you're informed, it helps make a problem or an issue such as this much more palatable.

  • I'm not really familiar with the issue incest...at least when it's in a consent-way. I work with clients who had incestuous relationships but they were build out of a state of dependence...abuse and so on...

    I'm pretty sure there are self-help groups for person concerned and relative. Is there some kind of counselling centre for family and children in your area? I'm sure you can ask (anonym) for numbers or places where you can find information and help.

    Do you know why they are having sex? I mean beside the obvious? Do they love each other? Are they saying they are in love?Is it just lust? Since when do they feel like it? Who made the first step? For how long are they having sex? what's is there social circle like?

    I little more information maybe helps...

    • I have numbers. Since Jan. See above...but they do have outside friends, they are both involved with groups they enjoy, with no overlap. So they have friends of their own.

  • I knew of a male having sex with his half sister.

    Although I'd like to think things like this doesn't happen, it is all too common.

    He tried to make it seem like it was okay, because they weren't fully

    brother and sister.

    I told him incest is incest.

    There really isn't much you can do to keep these two apart.

    You cannot be with them 24/7,

    if they want to see each other they will find ways to.

    Just keep standing firm behind what you believe, and let them know

    that none of this is okay (which I'm sure they already know).

    All in all, the ultimate decision will be theirs whether they

    want to listen to you or not.

  • If a calm logical talk doesn't work, I don't know what will. Bcoz hormones are a very difficult temptation to control. and they already have had that sexual bonding with each other, which is really not good because of the simple fact that they are related, so this will always make things weird between them... if they stop having sex and move on and don't sleep with one another again.

    just let them know that this is called incest. and [ if you believe it 's wrong] that it is morally wrong to have sex with your family memebers, and that it's shameful. you should never undress and conduct in sexual activities with blood family. it is not accepted.

    they will realize [ GOD WILLING! ] THAT IT IS INDEED nto the right hing to do. So let's stop and move on with life. And once they stop it should never be discussed again, unless they continue this behavior after the sit down, I would suggest a Therepist to help weave through this tough situation.

    I wish your family good luck! <3

  • Wow this is gross I can't believe they are doing that. I guess if she's single she must not be home much because of work. They are going to do it either way. They are brother and sister?

What Guys Said 4

  • Keepin it in the family lol hahahha I had to say it.

  • Damn girl your nephew is a horny dog he needs to calm that drive down, but you should just let him know is wrong because there are so many girls in this world why go after a young and easy target. Teach him to have some swag to get the ladies and he wouldn't think about having sex with his family member ever because he would enjoy life with other girls.

  • I don't eve see the point, they're just going to do what they want behind your backs.

    If you honestly believe that they've stopped "for now" then you are a typical previous-generationer (if that's a word), I don't know if I should call is denial or niiavity.

  • This stuff happens so much and goes undisclosed. Let them learn and practice with each other so they're better prepared. Maybe just warn them of the issue of conception of a child between the two and the ramifications of it.

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