My niece and nephew are having sex, my sister wants me to talk to them,

Ok, I have been close to both. My sister is a single mom, I have taken care of both. Apparently they started around New Years. He is 18, she, 16.... Show More

Updates:
To answer a couple of points: they have always gotten along well. They said on New Years weekend they got carried away. No, I don't know the details beyond consent by both, nothing forced.


The love they feel is not romantic, it is lust. That said, I look for points,until I see them, then will update.
Talked, really listened. It will stop. No presure from either. Going to see therapist, they understand objections. It will not be ongoing, summer helps, with each at different groups. I want to thank all for the comments (even hositle). I know people who work in the field of family sex, but.wanted to get all views, well as many as I could. With some work, it will be something we don't need to revisit. Again, a thanks to all for what were, in the main, thoughtful remarks.

Most Helpful Opinion

  • This is a hard one. I was in a class a couple years ago and we were discussing an article about morality that I don't remember the name of. It was basically about the idea that we find things to be morally wrong because of this innate feeling. We talked about this example: A brother and sister both consent to having sex together once. They decided to go to the woods to do it. No one knows about it except them. They use protection to limit risk of pregnancy. So basically we are asked to explain why this is wrong, without using pregnancy, other people knowing about it, it repeating, and lack of consent. It went something like that such that we couldn't really give a true reason for them not to do it other than we just felt it was wrong. Your case is obviously different, but as far as an explanation for why it is wrong, beyond the obvious, is hard to come up with. It is just this feeling most of us get when thinking about such a thing. So to come up with a logic response can be really hard.

    They are old enough that you would expect for them to feel that this is wrong. You can tell them that it is wrong, there is a risk of pregnancy, and that it is just unhealthy. There is no real good that can come from what they are doing. I also agree with the answers below that you really need to try an understand why they are doing this. You can't just lecture them and expect it to all go away. You need to find out why they got started and why they think it is OK to continue with such behavior.

    Sorry for such a long answer. This is a messy situation and I hope it all works out OK.

    • Thanks, not to long. Ideally I will listen not talk.

      Don't think I will use the example you class had, but it is thoughtful and as complex...

    • Thank you for BA and I'm glad things seem to be working out. I think you and your sister handled this as best as possible.

    • It was hard, but I think all will work out. It was nice that the issues managed to get dealt with and no wild name calling, but as rational as possible given everything.