Should I tell him I am a virgin?

[Anonymous]

I have been dating this guy for about three weeks now. Things have been great. I am 23 and he is 30. Last night when he took me home we started making out and then things started to get a little hot and heavy. I told him that is was late and we should stop. The thing is...I am a virgin. I don't know if I should tell him or if I should just let things happen. I am not a virgin b/c I was waiting for marriage or the perfect guy or anything...it's just one of those things that hasn't happened. I don't want to ruin the moment by saying..."oh by the way I am a virgin." But I also feel like it is one of those things you should tell your partner. I have never been very comfortable talking about sex...and I never told any of the other guys I dated that I was a virgin...so I have no idea how to do this or what to say. Any advise?!!!

[natejohnson]

Personally I think it's awesome that you're a virgin and that you've waited. I think the question you have to ask yourself is this: why did you previously have the commitment to wait until marriage, and why is that now being called into question? sex seems to me to be very very special and virginity isn't something that should be wasted on someone who is 'good enough'. it should be spent wisely on someone who knows how to treat you and care for you, and will make your memory special rather than a scar at some point in the future.

I'd say that you should wait until marriage and then have all the sex you want with your husband... I assure you that the right kind of guy will absolutely respect and love you for your self-control and commitment, and you won't have the emotional/physical confusion and possibly pain of dealing with a sexual relationship gone awry.

[Asker]

I was never "waiting until marriage", I just hadn't been in a relationship with someone I cared enough about to share that part of myself with. This question has been resolved. Six weeks into the relationship we slept together, and I haven't regretted my decision in the least! But thanks for the answer anyway :)

[gthcsmt]

Hey girl!! When I read your post, I was really surprised! I'm a 23 year old guy virgin myself! I'm trying to look for girls like you which I don't even think existed anymore...

But wow, good for you! If you think he is "the one", then just tell him... "I really need to let you know something" and just tell him you're a virgin!

Seriously man, guys will appreciate this!! And he might even be a little flattered cause he knows that your heart is pure and not just some girl looking for sex and really looking for a true long term relationship....

Good luck girl!! There's not many like you out there anymore...

[Anonymous]

If you want this relationship to go past the point it is now, you have to tell him the truth--before having sex with him.

It is really awesome (and a bit intimidating) to lose your virginity--you should want him to know beforehand so he can ease you through it a little, and also to celebrate the fact that you chose him over any one else. For most guys it wouldn't be a deal-breaker to find out their potential partner was a virgin--on the contrary, a lot of guys like to be the one to 'teach' their girlfriend what they like in the bedroom.

Honesty is always the best policy! :)

[Sierra-R]

What I think you should do is (if he really cares about you) to well tell him how you feel and don't sugar coat it. If he really truly cares before you get to that awkward stage in the relationship

I might not be as old as you but I do know to respect myself.

[chocolatewookie]

Don't worry about it! Most guys like that their girl is a virgin and not some slut who has been all around town. He shouldn't have a problem with it. Just let him know. It shouldn't affect your relationship with him.

[kiamia]

Definitely tell him, he will value more for that.

And then he will know how to be with you for the first time also.

[johnsmith2116]

Well, if you feel like you should tell him, there's nothing that says you need to tell him BEFORE you sleep with him. You can tell him whenever you are comfortable telling him, even if it's long after your first time with him.

[Aedak]

Don't feel like you should have to tell him, only if you really want to. He could take it a few different ways. He might be even more turned on, or he might worry that you won't know what you are doing. Probably the former, I'd say it's none of his business as long as it doesn't bother you not telling him. He'll probably expect sex in the near future though, and if you don't give it to him he probably won't stay with you for too long unless he decides he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

[marygirl2]

if you don’t want to tell its fine!