Girls: What do you think about a guy’s hand squeezing your thigh?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been on several dates with this girl. During the last one I placed my hand on her thigh. A minute later I decided to squeeze her thigh just for fun. She said “Ow stop,” so I stopped. But then she started smiling and laughing. Does this mean she wanted me to do it again? I didn’t during that date, but do you think I should try it again on a later date? Girls, do you find this sort of thing enjoyable?

[crookthings]

It just depends on how comfortable I am with him so far.

Whether she was saying "stop" jokingly or not, it's important that you take it at face value and stop, because when people ignore verbal nonconsent in favor of body language, things can get iffy and words stop meaning anything. You're not a mind-reader. If I liked a guy squeezing my thigh, I wouldn't say, "ow stop," but hey, other girls aren't me.

Honestly, as awkward as it might seem to you, I would probably be like, "Hey, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable when I was squeezing your thigh. I didn't know if you were just being playful or not. Can you let me know what you're comfortable with?" I would seriously do the same thing if I were in your situation, because communication is really important to me when it comes to these things. The chances of her thinking it's cute and considerate are way higher than the chances of her thinking you're weird for asking :P

[teasegirl]

I would pick you as best answer lol

[toulouse]

ABSOLUTELY, best answer, no contest. people worry about ruining a moment, but not about breaking the law, or totally alienating someone, they supposedly liker. its f***ed up. if a guy said that to me, well wed end up having sex, A LOT faster, than if he played it cool & silent, & tried to read my mind. of course, id also tell him if I was uncomfortable, but it'd be nice to know, he's mature enough to handle it seriously..

[crookthings]

@toulouse Same. One time when my boyfriend and I were only together for a couple of months, we were making out and we got so into it that he started doing things we hadn't done before without asking if I was comfortable with it. I got super uncomfortable just because of the lack of communication (not what he was doing) and was just about to tell him to stop when HE completely halted and was like, "HEY woah is this okay?" I loved him SO much for it.

[crookthings]

Over the past two years, we've gotten so much better at getting/giving consent.

[Asker]

Thx. What do you think of this exchange?: Her: [holding my hand & places it on her thigh]. Me: [resting it there, later gently caressing]. Her: [welcoming it]. Me: [giving light, then deep massage]. Her: [welcoming it]. Me: [Squeeze firmly but not too hard]. Her: “Ow, stop.” Me: [stop squeezing]. Her: [smiles & laughs]. Me: “Sorry, did that hurt? You’re joking right?” Her: “No it actually hurt.” Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt you.” “Is this okay?” [lighter squeeze].

[crookthings]

Yeeeah that would have been good! I know it's sometimes hard to know what to say in the moment.

[calialltheway1993]

I would feel uncomfortable since it's only been several dates. Although she kept laughing and smiling, I don't think she enjoyed it as much as you did since she "ow stop" -ped you.

[teasegirl]

That is hot, she prob got turned on and that was her reaction. You should do it again but start softly

[Asker]

Great ;) Do you mean I should do a pulsating action with the firmness of my grip gradually increasing?

[toulouse]

no. wrong. bad answer.

[teasegirl]

You prob got her by surprise. Just try it and see what's her body language. Were you making out? Is this the first time you touch her? I think because of her laughing she just got surprised and had an odd playful reaction. Just try putting your hand on her thigh (don't squeeze) then see her reaction. Move slower dude let her grab your hand. Sometimes we will guide to what's comfortable for us.

[Asker]

Ah. We weren't making out. Just sitting together having good conversation. I've known her for a couple months now, even though I've just dated her several times. And this isn't the first time I've touched her because I know her from dance class.

[teasegirl]

Then don't do it again, you should tell her you didn't mean to hurt her or make her uncomfortable. And see what happens. Def thought you guys were getting nice and hot but if it was out of the blue is a no no.

[Asker]

I get that. But while we were talking I already had my hand on her thigh for a minute or so. She welcomed it. It was only after that I decided to do the squeeze.

[teasegirl]

Then you jumped to fast. Take it slow. Don't go so rough next time

[Anonymous]

To the women...

SPEAK ENGLISH! PLEASE!

If you tell us to stop doing something, DON'T MEAN THE EXACT FREAKING OPPOSITE! No wonder telling a guy 'no' to sex doesn't seem to work. You have programmed us to not understand a word you say...

[justme20]

link

[PoeticNinja]

She only smiled and laughed about it, so it wouldn't seem awkward between the two of you in the moment.

[Valerie-Agnes]

she was probably uncomfortable

do not do this again that is being too sexual too soon

[toulouse]

AGREED.

[Anonymous]

I think she likes it, if its me I will like it. Yup enjoyable kinda kinky too.

[Anonymous]

I think it's so cute :p. I love it when guys are touchy and close. It's fun, and a real turn on for me. And sometimes I'll joke around and say stop, but I don't really mean it, and I don't think that girl did either. I think you should do it again. I'd be upset if a guy stopped being close and touchy with me, and it seems like you know how comfortable to keep it :). So good job, and I think you should continue being touchy with that girl.

[teasegirl]

I agree.

[Anonymous]

i think it is playful as long as you're not hurting the girl! ha ha she may also be saying 'ow stop' in a joking way, pay attention to that. some girls, like me, enjoy that sort of thing.

[Asker]

Thanks. I think it was a genuine 'ow stop' from her. I mean I didn't go full force but it was a firm squeeze. That's great that you enjoy that sort of thing. But just curious, what would you do or say to the guy if he was actually squeezing your thigh too hard?

[Opinion Owner]

hm well I guess my initial reaction would just be 'ouch!' or 'ah' lol... but id definitely bring it up immediately after or later on in the date. I'd just tell the guy that he was hurting me. I wouldn't let it go if it really bothered me.

[Asker]

oh, alright, makes sense. The thing that got me with this particular girl was that she smiled and laughed right after she said 'ow stop.' So I'm just trying to make sense of her reaction and what I should do next time.

[Opinion Owner]

yeah see to me that sounds like she was joking... I don't know did she do anything flirty back like picking on you?

[toulouse]

no. no is no, whether she was joking at the moment, or not. assume no is no. these answers are crap.

[Asker]

hmm. It's was pretty normal afterward. But come to think of it, when our date ended we hugged and she said "you're strong."