Ever feel like you "owed" someone sex, like an obligation?

[Anonymous]

have you ever felt like you promised somebody sex and they would get mad if you didn't comply? especially for a woman. i don't mean as a favor. but let's say you are dating someone for a while and you talked about it and talk about doing it a lot and the guy has asked "so when are we going to do it" a bunch of times. this means he is probably expecting it, right, and would get angry or feel cheated if you decided you don't want to after all. i'm in a situation...i'm dating a guy for a while but he isn't my boyfriend, and I know I'm going to end it with him eventually (complicated) and all. I want to have sex with him badly. I don't sleep with many guys but I'm not a virgin, and since I do like him and he has dated me for a while and been patient, and I really "want it" badly, I figure this is what being young is about. but then another part of me thinks that if I didn't have to face consequences a smart girl would walk away since he isn't my real boyfriend or the love of my life.

[ElijahCynicism]

There are intellectual females who have casual sex and intellectual females who don't have casual sex. I don't know why you get this notion that intellectual people only have sex with the love of their lives. Why are you trying to live up to this imaginary straw-man character anyhow? She ain't got much of a list of achievements - in fact I will hedge a bet that when you think of her, you think of all the things she HASN'T done. She probably hasn't done anything, she's just a negative space, a black hole. Don't worship black holes, man, they'll suck you dry.

Although, I have felt like I owed someone sex in the past. But not in a situation like that... Just as like... I don't know, they want it. Anytime someone actually wants it I feel obliged.

[stubbsy]

My advice is to hold out, don't get pressured even though your eager to do so, your feel better about yourself knowing you gained self respect by controlling your urges, because this guy sounds like he is pushing you into something your to scared to say no to, a guy should be willing to be ready when you are, not demand it before, and if you value your talents, your make sure the people you sleep with mean a lot to you, but your choice at the end of the day, stay safe,x

[ShesSoSilly]

Well if you're going to break up with him and he is pressuring you about it I personally don't think you should care about him getting upset. A part of you doesn't want to for a reason and just because you're young doesn't mean you need to sleep with anyone and everyone.

I personally think sex is an enjoyable and intimate time for a couple to be together not an obligation for either of them. At least it should be that way...

Do what you really want to do, not what you think he wants.

[Asker]

how do you define sexual pressure? I guess sometimes it is how the guy makes you feel too. if I was with a nice committed boyfriend, him asking me to have sex probably would not make me feel pressured. I mean it has been a few months of dating this guy already. I've said no to guys who tried to pressure and even give me an ultimatum really fast.

[ShesSoSilly]

Well you could possibly have some feelings for him after the few months you've been together so your emotions are confusing you. In a different situation I've had I can relate in that rationally when I was alone I could think about what I want and what I should do, but the guy was around me and emotionally I was so hooked on him I'd completely disregard what I rationally knew was right. Because of your emotions you could feel "guilty" or like you owe him, but I think the part of you that

[ShesSoSilly]

doesn't want to or the reason you haven't just done it yet is probably there for a reason and you should listen to it, there will be other guys to have fun with imo. I'd define pressuring just simply him not letting this go. But if you haven't been open about your feelings about everything he might really not understand why you are hesitating and its why he's asking you about it. I would say if you have told him your feelings and he still was constantly asking about it, that would pressuring u

[ShesSoSilly]

@update well if you really want to then just do it(: You like him and it will be a hopefully good experience since you do like the guy anyway so go ahead and have some fun and if it ends then it ends. If you like him its not probably something you'll regret but become just another memory.

[scnbabe89]

The ex that I lost it too always made me feel that way that because he was nice to me and with me that I owed it to him. Usually after he bought me lots of stuff and a nice dinner ide give it to him, which don't get me wrong I liked it too but I did feel like I owed it to him. From what you say sounds like you are ready to sleep with him but I also think you need him to commit to you.

[acka72]

If you are attracted to him. Have fun he seriously won't mind if you use him ;).

[Asker]

it's more that I'm worried my emotions will get in the way, on a practical level I know I don't really want to be in a relationship with him, but I already have those warm fuzzy feelings and am somewhat attached to him, which will probably lead me to have sex anyway

[BlahDeBlahBlah]

Just make sure to use a condom.

[jackflynn7]

Answer to the primary question:

I dated a girl who had a fixation on receiving oral sex. She had only received it once when I came along and craved it. She would text me unexpectedly and ask me what I would like her to make me for dinner. She was a very good cook. When I would accept, it was understood that dessert was up to an hour of oral sex...however long it took her to come.

[thisGUYknows]

have fun with him then break it off. some guys do it to girls all the time so why not?

[JennieF]

Well, there was this bet...

[Anonymous]

nope, but this type of attitude, mentality, is much worse for guys than for girls

[Anonymous]

no, I would only have sex if I WANT to... not just because someone else wants to... it's my body afterall.