Is it wrong to feel disgusted by your boyfriend's sexual past or the sexual past of someone you're dating?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating this guy for almost a month now. Things are going great! We really click well and he's very romantic. However, after learning about his sexual past, I can't help but be very disgusted by his actions. He's had multiple FWB's which is just plain nasty to me simply because it is depth-less sex. I don't care what anyone thinks about being sexually liberated; friends with benefits a.k.a. f*ck buddies is a sleazy arrangement where two people who lack self control use each other as if they are sex objects. It's disgraceful on both ends. I don't have an almighty attitude; I'm just being honest. Most people would agree that if you were interested in someone and found out they screw someone whom they really don't care for on a deep level, most people would lose interest immediately. I don't like that multiple girls know all about his bedroom tricks and what he looks like down there. Not only that, but because there wasn't an actual solid relationship, they're less likely to respect privacy about their sexual encounters together. So honest gossip probably goes around about him in the bed. ugh I don't know what to do, I thought I found a good one, but now I'm getting second thoughts :( Your opinion and similar experiences?

[ShesSoSilly]

I have not been in this position so far in my life but I can honestly say if I had that connection with him and he was a good and honest person in the present I would not care about or judge his past. But this is me you know.. I think you are completely entitled to have what YOU want for yourself and your opinion.

So if this is something that truly bothers you and you cannot get past it then maybe you should move on now and try finding someone else. But you should consider that sex has become very casual these days and that's not uncommon to find someone who's had FWBs or even just a bunch of one night stands. So my advice is if you possibly can get over this you should like him for the person he is now.

Don't worry about women talking because even if they did back then I'm pretty sure they're not thinking about him now you know. If they're the type who are that casual about sex they probably got a new thing going on.

Do what will make you truly happy.

[redheadgirl]

You have to forget his past or move on, you are kinda closed minded sex is sex it is not always love. Some times it's just fun to try new things but you have only dated a month and you are questioning it run now.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people feel the same way as you.

However, I am confident enough that someone's sexual past is no concern of mine because he is with me now and that is all that matters.

[Asker]

True. But when you're in the same room with two or three girls who know some of the most intimate details of your man physically and sexually; it is not a good feeling. The whole thought of him being sexual with so many other chicks makes me feel sick

[Opinion Owner]

I have never had the experience of him still being in contact with anyone he ever slept with. I can see that being terrible uncomfortable and if any of it was recent I would probably be jealous too. I see your point.

[Asker]

Even if he's not in contact with them...if I personally know her through school, work, or mutual friends. It's such a bad look :(

[heavensgift2girls]

People should be judged based on the choices they have made in the past. This has nothing to do with you lacking in confidence. This is about him and the choices he has made. If you have a problem with the choices he has made, then it is your right to feel the way that you do.

If you continue dating him, then you have to learn to accept his past. Otherwise you should break it off now.

[mmadta]

People have every right to judge people on the choices of their past. Hence the repercussions for ones choices. That being said, to each their own in this case. Personally I don't see anything wrong with FWB relationship. What would you judge worse. A person that has a FWB for an extended period of time or someone who has slept with 50+ partners?

[heavensgift2girls]

That is for each person to decide for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Nah it's not wrong, but you shouldn't obsess over it either. Just enjoy the time that YOU are with him.

[Asker]

thanks so much for this

[Betwyn]

Based on what you sa here.. and in your comment to IHateBeingaMan...

I'd say you need a virgin.. probably one who is just happy to have a girl.. any girl.. and not have much of a spine..

[Asker]

lol, you're probably just offended because some guy has felt the way about you that I feel about this guy atm.

[Betwyn]

If you are intimidated/disgusted by his sexuality and his sexual history.. Then clearly, you need someone with less.. No history, means no intimadation or disgust.

[Asker]

:) there is no intimidation of his sexual past. I know I can please a man. I believe you are just using the word 'intimidation' as a weak attempt at a jab.

[Betwyn]

Wasn't meant as a jab.. I'm much more direct then that if I was going to take a shot.. and if it wasn't intimidating at all.. it wouldn't bother you..

[Asker]

Just because I'm bothered by it, doesn't mean it's intimidating. At your age, I sincerely hope you can come up wih better conclusions as to why a girl could be bothered than this other than "She must be intimidated." Not every person who doesn't believe that we shuld all go out and spread our legs to people we barely care about & people who don't respect us on a certain level are ether... 1. high and almighty 2. initmidated those are the first assumptions thrown at someone like me,who is

[Asker]

bold enough to be honest about the way I feel and that is simply small minded for people to assume. So someone can't possibly be bothered by the fact that a ton of people know what their SO looks like naked and how their SO is in the bedroom without being intimidated?

[Betwyn]

If someones past bothers you.. then like I said, you should be looking for some one who does not have one. It's not rocket science...

[Asker]

Seeing your profile and how apparently " let yourself get used for sex, cause well, you crave the attention and the touch.. and it becomes like, a drug for you.. You know its wrong, but I can't help myself.. and you feel horrible after.." its clear that my words have penetrated you. You're probably just defensive because a guy probably will express my feelings towards you one day and you don't like the reality of that.

[Betwyn]

its happened.. happens on this website all the time.. all it means is I'm not a fit for them, and they are not a fit for me... its nothing to get wound up about... If they are too uptight, nothing I can do about that... you should just find one of those sorta guys and be happy together...

[Asker]

riiiight, THEY are all the problem; not you. The issue is not that you are skanky and lack sexual integrity,but everyone else is just either uptight or intimidated. You didn't do anythng wrong at all. It's all everyone else who's at fault and not you.

[Betwyn]

I'm not saying I don't have issues... I'm just addressing yours, as in this thread, we are talking about your situation, your issues.. If a guy who has been around is not a good fit for you, go get a guy that hasn't been around. And yeah, Rape, sexual abuse, emotional abuse does tend to have an affect on someones self-worth.. I know why I am the way that I am, I'm trying to work on feeling better about myself.. I'm not the same me I was even just a year ago.. But hey, haters gonna hate

[Asker]

You can't address my issues because you don't know who I am. You are addressing the issues of this idea that you are judging me by. You've been making ASSumptions about mypersonality since you opened your mouth on this post. Oh, please, don't turn this around and try to say "This is not about me, this is about you! You can't talk about me" Yes, I can. I think you're overaggressve post is because you are defensive because you appear to fit the descripion of the guy in my post. You don't like

[Asker]

the idea that people are disgusted and turned offf by having a partner with a tacky, sleazy sexual past. There is nothing to hate on. If I wanted to be a skank that gets online and makes assumptions about stangers; I could be so why should I hate?

[Betwyn]

LMFAO! You complain you don't like his past, that it disgusts you... I suggest you find a guy without one... and I'm the judgy one?

[Asker]

Yeah dumb ass, you've been doing nothing but judging my entire state of mind since you came here with your worthless two cents. Please take your over sensitive, slutty ass elsewhere.

[Betwyn]

I think it is funny how you are so hostile with everyone who suggests that you should find a guy more like you

[Asker]

I'm hostile with YOU because your presence here is worthless. You're only judging who I am because you are defensive that I attacked a sleazy, tacky lifestyle that you claim to follow. I'm attacking you and what's his face for making assumptions about who I am. You don't even know if I'm a virgin or not. Please just go leave and do something more productive like cleaning out your used vagina.

[Betwyn]

Oh no.. an Anon called me worthless.. my life is over... I'm not judging you.. If how he is, how he was, is something that bothers you.. something you cannot get by, then you need to get someone the opposite of him. It isn't hard to understand. It isn't me being Judgy... And if it makes you feel better to attack me, my past, my sexual abuse and resultant promiscuity.. Well, go ahead.. you aren't the first.. won't be the last.. and are from the most hurtful or original at it...

[Asker]

You're not doing anything here but trying to argue because I called you out on you doing nothing here but being defensive because many people are turned off of slutty, sleazy behavior such as yours. Point blank: You are not giving adequate advice You came here sniffing for a fight because you were offended and when I called you out on your skankism, all you can do is say very weak sh*t in different words. Its old, it's boring, it's wasting my time. Go away. You aren't wanted here.

[Betwyn]

You didn't call me out. Everything you said, you got from my profile. Stuff that I wrote and shared. You are the one who keeps fighting. I'm staying calm and trying to help. I'm not even sure why you say my advice is no good. I mean, if you don't want a "male skank" would the answer not be to find someone less experienced? And, not everyone is turned off by someone like me. And, not everyone knows my past..

[Asker]

Your advice is too emotionally biased and all about you feeling bad because I pointed out that sexually sleazy people are often less attractive. Please go focus more on your nasty vagina and less on me.

[Betwyn]

I've yet to meet anyone who thought my Vagina was nasty.. It is very well taken care of thank you very much... and while I admit, sure, I have some bias, we all do... but you are putting your bias into what you are reading as well.

[Asker]

or maybe you have yet to meet a guy who said it out loud because then he knew you wouldn't be easy and give it up to him. Bye.

[Betwyn]

I think it is funny how angry and aggressive you are being. I do have a question tho.. it's been 9 days... Where do things stand with you and him now?

[Asker]

I'm not angry, you're just a pain in the ass. Do you not understand the meaning of "bye"?

[Betwyn]

You still have not answered.. it's been a week and a half.. How are things? Did you break up? Work through it? Just try and put it out of your mind? I really am interested to know how you ended up handling this...

[Asker]

I'm not telling you. It's none of your business. You don't appear to have a sincere interest in helping me out, but just a very nosey, intrusive presence. I'm not teling your nosey ass anything.

[Betwyn]

By asking the question her, you made it our business... And while yes, my initial answer was presented a little snarkily.. if you follow what I've said in my comments.. I am trying to help you... Just, what I am saying, won't help the relationship with him... lets be honest.. if you could flick a switch, and his past not bother you anymore.. You would have already, yeah? I'm not trying to be mean..

[Asker]

Oh, bitch please. It is none of your damn business. Me asking this post on GAG does not mean I am obligated to update and inform your nosey ass of my personal business. If I feel you are not worthy of hearing my personal business after further conversation with you: then I don't have to give it to you. You answering a question on GAG, a very useless answer might I add, does not make you entitled to someone else's business.

[Asker]

Too late. You blew it. I'm not telling you sh*t. Bye.

[Betwyn]

Enjoy single life

[Asker]

lol, I'm not single. Enjoy STD, damaged goods life :P Don't be mad because I won't fill in your nosey, unhelpful ass on my love life.

[Betwyn]

I've never had an STI yet.. But thanks for trying lol

[Asker]

"YET" lol, at the rate you're going, it won't be long!

[Betwyn]

all anyone can say is yet... you could get one tomorrow... You can practice all the safe sex you want... even if someone gets tested, no way to know 100% they didn't stop and pick one up after the test, before the results...

[Asker]

true, but that's more likely to happen if you are whoring yourself around

[Betwyn]

oh, I'm not a whore... my numbers, are the product of sexual abuse and the after effects of that.. This year, I've had sex with 3 guys, 2 of which I was dating at the time, and one who I've been with before...

[Asker]

Okay, no offense, but I really don't care.

[Zodiac988]

Playa Playa !

[Asker]

lol, you always have funny answers

[justincider]

Sounds more like you are intimidated by his openess to sex v your approach. Ifts not what you would do, but don't judge people based on what they like. Everyone is different. Not an almight approach? Whatever, totally is. Beyond the sexual repression the self entitlement that you can look down on your boyfriends behavior. You need a fellow church type who is very inexperienced ... Like you

[Asker]

I'm sincerely not intimidated. I'm so confident and self assured in my ability to give a guy extremely blissful sexual pleasure that I have no reason to be intimidated. It's not sexual repression; had he slept with girls he actually cares about a million times, I would not care. But a bunch of different females he doesn't even give an eff about? That's naty. Stop making assumptions that because I'm not all for whorism I'm a "Church girl who's entitled and represses sex" lol, you're silly

[justincider]

You brought up the almighty attitude. Nonreligous people really don't do that. And its "friends" with benefits. No guy sleeps with a girl they don't like or are completely indifferent to. You don't want him talking to them now because you are afraid he has closeness to them you dont. That has nothing to do with the sex, even if its sexual gossip. They are actually close friends, just not love. I've never even been a big friends with benefits guy, but you are judging him and these girls. If he knew em b4 you :(

[Asker]

That's onlybecause I know a lot of SMALLMINDED people who DON'T THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX and ARE QUICK TO MAKE JUDGMENTS AND ASSUMPTIONS usually say that when someone disagrees with whoring yourself out. it's not "friends'" Most of the people in FWB hardly even know each other. They might be friendly with each other, but there is rarely a true friendship there. People just lie about it so they don't look trashy and sleazy.

[justincider]

Does the all caps make your wittle feewings feel better? You judge people who are open sexually. Who are different than you. You are full of anger, and it only reflects your own issues. Live and let live. All my friends who had friends with benefits knew the girls well. People are allowed to connect and in a way different than you. If your boy friend isn't like you, let it go. If he still wants to know these girls, and you judge all of them, eventually it will create issues if not already

[Asker]

lol, I don't need to make myself feel better. It's about emphasizing to a guy with a thick skull who is so stubborn in his ASSumptions of a total stranger that he won't expand his deas. I'm not full of anger. You're just mad because you, like what's her face, have a slutty past and you don't like the reality that for some; that's a huge turn off. I saw one of your answers a while back with you talking about how you're a whore and you got mass thumbs downs

[justincider]

I really don't have a slutty past, nor have I portrayed myself in that way here. You are pretty clueless, and funny how you call someone elses answer below inmature. You are a prudish, self righteous biatch, who is completely uptight about sex. Focus on yourself and not others. You have a lot of growing up to so

[Asker]

Yes, you do. I remember seeing you talked about it. The gyst of your answer is that you have gotten arond and been promiscuous. I'm not clueless. Just because we have different views on how sexuality can make one look tacky and sleazy does not mean I'm clueless and immature. You cannot tell me about growing up because you came here throwing "You'r just an iexperienced, Christian vigin" bs at me so practice what you preach.

[IHateBeingaMan]

what girls say they want, what they are attracted to and what they end up with are 2 different things

[Asker]

There are thousands of very different girls on this planet. Stop clumping us all together as if we all miraculously share identical views. It's so immature!

[Betwyn]

Read his answer again. It is true more often then it is wrong. Yes, there are thousands of us.. Yes we don't all have identical views... But he never said we did. You and I are different.. Want different things.. You ended up with a guy you are unsure of.. but he sounds good to me... The guy I just broke up with, turned out not to be what I was looking for.. But I am sure he is perfect for someone...

[TsubasaCorrupted]

No it's normal

[Anonymous]

reading questions like this still makes me wonder why I should feel very lucky to be born male, born a guy

[Anonymous]

if it bothers you why are you still with him?

[Asker]

he's a great guy and I don't want to give up on what we have over his sexual past, but it sincerely disgusts me. It makes me feel sick thinking about it

[Opinion Owner]

understandable

[Anonymous]

It's completely normal.

To be honest I've seen feelings like yours destroy relationships, be careful.

Might be best to spare yourself some stress and find a nice guy.

[Asker]

awww yeah :/ I don't want that, it's just I don't know it grosses me out. I'd like to see that the guy I care for made better, more ethical and intelligent choices than that

[Opinion Owner]

I know how you feel and it's definitely gross. I think something that helped me was making sure I was respected and actually loved before letting the relationship get sexual, this showed me that I wasn't like any of his previous 'flings'

[Anonymous]

If it makes you that uncomfortable, then walk away. Personally it would bother me too. I can definitely deal with a few ex-girlfriends, that's normal but what you are saying here would disgust me too.

[Anonymous]

weird, I thought girls prefer experienced guys over inexperienced guys

[Asker]

Girls like guys who are good sexually, but you don't have to be extremely skanky, whoops, I mean "experienced" in order to have sexual knowledge. Otherwise, there wouldn't be people who have been hooking up and screwing since they were 12 yet they still don't completely satisfy their sexual partner

[Opinion Owner]

yeah, that's why girls hate guys that are virgins

[Asker]

Not true. Don't be another one of those bitter, generalizing GAG guys who makes himself look extremely pathetic, whiny, and negative every time he expresses his views on women and dating.

[Opinion Owner]

why do you disagree that girls dislike virgin guys? I'm not saying all girls are but the vast majority of girls dislike virgin guys

[Asker]

Honestly, it's because so many girls have become so consumed with exploring their sexuality and hooking up with guys who often don't really give two sh*ts about them, that they've programmed themselves into believing that good sex from a guy is a huge part of his worth. Then they ignorantly assume that a guy who is a virgin will take forever to learn the art of good sex. That's false. Yeah, his first time may not be mind blowing sex, but it's rare that anyone's very first time at anything is

[Asker]

going to be superb. But so many girls are so fixated on their own damn vaginas that they don't consider that. They just want a guy who will screw them good and it's messed up. I'm sorry that virgin guys have to deal with girls like that. Those girls are just self centered and inconsiderate.

[Opinion Owner]

i hate, despise, loathe, on how we guys always have to approach you and initiate, ask you out, work for you, it pisses me off and angers me that I just want to violently explode at the world, fight life and society, would like to do that to prove I am a Man, that I have Balls

[Asker]

Okay, now you are just plain whiny and you need to get a f***ing grip. Stop blaming your own personal issues on the entire female gender. You sound like an absolute lunatic. Please go away.

[Opinion Owner]

well I have a right to be angry at you girls for expecting us guys to always approach you

[Asker]

Oh, stop. You don't have a right; you are just blaming your personal mess on the female gender and it's extremely immature. I'm a girl and I didn't do sh*t to you. I don't even know who you are. So because of your "right", I should have to sit here and listen to your whiny rant about some illogical bs? False.

[Opinion Owner]

girls are allowed to blame their mess on the male gender and can get away with it, I'm not saying you did sh*t to me, I just wish girls would stop being old-fashioned about waiting for guys to approach them

[Asker]

All of us girls don't think the same. Stop blaming the female gender for your own failures and take responsibility for your own mess.