Guys, if you do certain things in bed with a girl, does it mean you don't respect her ?

[Anonymous]

Or do you think, as a guy talking to many other guys about sex, that most guys won't do certain things sexually if they respect the girl theyre with. if they do respect her, certain things are off limits sexually? I had a conversation with couple of my friends and some of my cousins about my sex life. I don't mind, I'm pretty open about it. but this time in particular, some of them felt like I let my boyfriend do too many nasty things to me and they think he may not respect me as much as he should becaue of what I let him do. I'm not even a super kinky person, but they didn't like that I let him come on my face and in my mouth, I let him whip my ass, I give him lap dances and strip for him, I don't make it a habit but we have had anal sex, boob jobs, and they really don't like that I deep throat a lot or I just give him a lot of bjs, I suck him off without him having to ask for it, when he's waking up, ill drop to my knees in the kitchen if he's making me dinner or something, etc. also the dirty talking, I like him to call me names, say nasty things, and sometimes I like him to slap me in the face. I guess it does seem like a lot, but I don't think it means he doesn't respect me. what do you think? if you did all this with a girl you were dating, do you think you would lose respect for her and think less of her, that you're just using her? i guess I should also mention that the main two girls who were saying this were my cousins and theyre pretty religious. theyre not fond of sex outside of marriage to begin with but they don't mind as long as its within the acceptable limits of what seems loving and sentimental. I think they see some of the things that my boyfriend and I do to be purely sinful and dirty, no love in anything. we do have lovey dovey sex too, but we also do a lot of other things. I don't know what do you all think? one of my cousins insists that "hes only into you because you have big boobs and you're kind of a slut. only a slut lets a man who isn't married to her do those things. you're a nice girl but sluts don't get the guy in the end, reel it in." :(

[toulouse]

As long as you respect yourself& he respected you its fine. its also no ones business what you do. the fact you asked about it on here, suggests to me, you don't really like everything he does, but feel obligated. if you truly believed in it, ud just ignore their remarks, or better yet. not talk to them about it at all. you know how they view sex. I think you talked to them, because deep down you wanted someone to talk you out of what you are doing with h your boyfriend. if you loved it or were confident it was right for u. ud just enjoy it.not talk about it with people you know won't approve.

u wanted to be put off of it, to gain courage to stop it yourself. dioesnt mean you will, but I think that is what you wanted. that's my opinion.

i don't think random bjs are a big deal. its sex with your boyfriend. I was thinking of why so many guys like to hit in ned, & I realized, most feel inhibition towards hitting a woman. but will say the bedroom, anything goes. s an excuse to be violent in ways they can't usually.

to me, the bedroom is even more sacred, because you are most vulnerable. for some reason, people see sex, as a place to do things u'd ordinarily not do. I see it as a place you have to exercise even more consideration.

anyways, I guess if you were slapping him and shoving stuff up his ass, td be OK. but him doing that to u, sounds really degrading.

but as I said, that's my view. you do what you think is right. of course.

[kheserthorpe]

Lol at second last paragraph.

[dd26om]

First what's happening between your boyfriend and you doesn't concern anyone else. It doesn't matter what they think, its what you think that matter.

Then the disrespect is caused only if he does something you don't wanna do since you said that you like that its OK. And I think that people that call you slut are disrespectful to you. Family or notthey shouldn't judge you. What's happening in your bedroom is none of their business. You're making love, you're both in love. As long as you're happy...

[cazza3]

Great answer

[kdizzleforizzle91]

I don't think what you enjoy doing in bed says how much respect you have for a person. In the sheets is where you let out all of your romantic passions and animalistic instincts. If nothing else, doing more "freaky" things would say to me that the guy is just more comfortable with me.

[Ubetiburn]

I am glad that you are the way that you are and hope that you do not change.

Religious and family up bringing does shade one's view on sex. My wife and I do practice some sex that others frown upon. We have an open relationship and I am on the rather kinky side.

I do not mind oral sex or even rimming. I do like light bondage and would love it if she would dominate me one night as I have bought her the proper tool for that - although she is not sure she wants too. Golden showers, snowballs and cream pies. Whips, paddles even ball gags and double penetration. We have tried most even voyeurism and exhibitionism. It is all good.

We do not talk to outsiders as many do not agree with most of the acts or because we live in the bible belt.

A lot of people that are overly religious suppress their sexual urges to conform to their religious views and some end up with conflicted emotions and sexual urges that can be damaging mentally.

[elraver]

Pure and simple. I don't believe in "slut shaming" no matter the quantity, content, or gender.

Are you happy with what you are doing? Then have fun!

If you aren't happy then a relationship is a two-way communication. It is on you to communicate what you don't want... and obviously what you do want. He'll speak his mind. Then together you can determine boundaries and even make sure you have things like safe words and emergency plans in case something goes wrong during sex.

Note, that it is up to the person who set the boundary to inform the other person if their mind has changed on that boundary. Please, neither of you, ever assume the other person is psychic. It's an ongoing communication.

In the meantime? There are many couples who would kill to have what you, at least on the surface, seem to have.

[kheserthorpe]

I'd feel most comfortable having wild sex including acts that involve a certain amount of degradation within the context of a loving relationship. Where what happens during sex is offset or maybe complemented by lots of affection and expressions of love.

So for me - no.

Do some people do things like that and have no respect? Yup. Some people also had really vanilla sex and have no respect.

They're separate things.

[bDizzie]

You shouldn't worry about what your friends/cousins think. You are having fun, your boyfriend is having fun, if you stop these things, it's only going to cause confusion in the relationship.

[Aloneinthedark]

They are wrong, they might not get it because of religion, but as long as YOU love it, of course it's okay, if he respects you a 100% otherwise, I don't see the problem. And I'm sure you are not a slut<3

[Malcom_Reynolds]

Speaking only for myself, I don't think so. I can't see myself losing respect for her because of something like that.

[Radiate143]

For fun guys like everything. But a girl they want to marry, they want her to hold back a bit. It's just how it is.

[Anonymous]

No, there are some things that they just fantasize about, that's all.