He took my virginity then broke up with me.

[Anonymous]

So I've been in a relationship with a new guy for a few months now and we fell for each other very fast. We said "I love you", we talked about our future, we had almost everything in common. We were so happy. Anyway, I had him over for the weekend since my family was out of town and decided to sleep with him because I cared for him enough that I was comfortable losing my virginity to him (I'm 19) and it felt right. He came over and we hung out, then I took him up to my room and we had sex. The first few times were obviously painful for me and probably not that great for him either but he said/did everything right. He assured me he loved me, held me all night, we ordered pizza in and just laid in bed and talked and watched movies. Then the next morning we had sex again (I could finally enjoy it), went to a movie, then came back to my house to relax (and have sex for a fifth time) before he had to head back home. We had such a good time; we made each other laugh, we enjoyed the movie, we got along well, he kissed me goodbye. There was absolutely no red flags that I can remember. He lives a couple hours north so he had a long drive home after he left and apparently during his ride home he changed his mind. He called me when he got home and I jokingly asked if he had any second thoughts about our relationship now that we'd hit another major milestone. I didn't actually expect him to say yes. He wouldn't tell me what changed or why but he said he wasn't sure if he still wanted to be with me and that he'd have to think about it. I was so hurt; I told him that considering everything we had just done that answer wasn't good enough for me. I asked him if he still wanted to stay together, yes or no? He just kept saying he didn't know and that there may not be a point in it because if we stayed together I probably would have a hard time trusting him now and if we broke up then we broke up and that he didn't want to just say we should break up because he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me. So we broke up. I don't know what to think. I never did get an answer on why he changed his mind. I'm so heartbroken. I'm still so in love with him even if he did hurt me. Did I do something wrong? What could have changed his mind? I've always done my best to treat him well because he's such a great guy with so much potential and he's had some seriously bad ex girlfriends. I don't understand how he could spend two years with a girl who would cheat on him (who had two kids and dropped out of high school) and one year with a girl he could barely ever see because of her controlling family then dump me?

[Anonymous]

i don't know hun, but I went through something similar. Only thing was I was a lot older when I lost my virginity. It was by the most heartbreaking thing to ever happen. To be honest, I'm still not over it. I can't even think about the night I lost my virginity without being in completely tears. What I've learned is men that have been previously treated like sh*t apparently enjoy being treated like sh*t. They say they want a good girl that will just treat them right and they can build a life with, but when they find that they just use and mistreat her.

I wish you nothing but the best dear. For me, I've never been able to get over it. I've actually never been in another relationship of any form since. I became so depressed that I lost all my friends, and well I don't trust any man not to do that again. Plus how do I even explain this to a guy? He may act like he understand and is caring but once he sleeps with me he'll do the same. Men just don't have any respect for good women.

[Asker]

His exes were just so horrible. I did everything I could to let him know I loved and respected and supported him no matter what he wanted to do and I always made myself available if he needed advice or to vent or whatever and he did the same. I just don't understand what could have changed that quickly.

[Opinion Owner]

i don't know dear.. but I do understand. Trust me I went through the same thing. Even now I have no idea what made him change so quickly. It went from being the greatest man ever to the most heartless human being I ever came across.

[Asker]

It just sucks...he told me he loved me and then to "just hang up" in the same conversation. I thought guys were supposed to be simple. Just sucks is all. Thanks for your input though; it helps.

[Blue_eyed_beauty]

Wow, sounds like a real winner. *sarcasm*

You did nothing wrong, he just seems like an a**hole who simply used you for sex. I mean, why else would he break up with you right after you had sex? And he didn't even say it to your face, he waited until he got back home to say that. I'm sorry that happened to you but trust me, not all guys are like that. It sucks you gave your virginity to a jerk like that.

You just have to keep your head up and try as best you can to move on. Yes, it will be difficult but it is possible. Time heals everything in my opinion. Forget about that loser and find a guy who REALLY cares about you. Again, I'm sorry that happened to you but all you can do is move on with your life.

[Asker]

He did and said everything right. He invested so much time in me that I thought there was no way he would try that hard just to get me in bed. In the end it was like a bad movie though. We had sex a final time before he left, I came back in the bedroom from the bathroom and he said he should get going then a few hours later calls and we break up.

[Anonymous]

I lost mine to a guy I loved for two years and a month later he just wanted t be friends. Try to let go of what's gone.

I spent years regretting it and feeling worthless, I also wondered for a long time if it was my fault. You need to get over thinking that, it was him. You need to move on and realize that he wasn't worthy. This should teach you not to sell yourself short and never to give yourself to someone who doesn't deserve you. Once you realize your own worth you'll find that you don't really want a guy like him anyway.

[Asker]

I know my worth already...I think I just overestimated his.

[Opinion Owner]

same with me, he treated me amazingly, he was so sweet and said all the right things, that's why its so much more puzzling when he didn't want me. he had commitment issues, I don't think it was his intention to get my virginity then leave. Maybe whatever your guys problem is had nothing to do with you. But still, don't pursue him, its a waste of time

[Asker]

I don't plan to pursue him. If it's over it's over and I'll just deal with it and move on. If he decides he wants me back then I'll have the upper hand to decide if he's worth it.

[Opinion Owner]

even if he did, you shouldn't take him back because it means he still has power over you, it would be so easy for him to mess with your head; whether he knows he's doing it or not (which it seems like he did since he dumped you directly after sex). Don't give him that opportunity again

[Asker]

Good point...I'll keep that in mind.

[Opinion Owner]

best of luck hun

[glamphotog]

Do not ever initiate contact with him again. If there is to be any communication, let him initiate it first. Otherwise, you're going to look desperate and that's not good.

"Did I do something wrong?" - this is not the right train of thought. Don't think you did anything wrong. If you felt good about everything that happened until you guys broke up, you didn't do anything wrong. This is his problem, not yours. He's stupid not to know how this may impact you.

But at the end of the day, why would you want to be in a relationship with a guy like that? (Don't answer, it's a rhetorical question.)

[Asker]

He knew it would impact me. When we talked he said he regrets that he took it because of the emotional situation it puts me in and that he felt terrible. And I know I didn't do anything wrong, I do. I just miss him, you know? Everything was perfect and then it was over. I don't understand how you can go from loving someone to not in mere hours.

[TheDigitalSaint]

He might be attracted more to crazy, dysfunctional girls. While it isn't logical, it can happen. Also, you said that he lived quite a bit north of you, meaning he had quite the drive. The distance may have played a factor, especially when you factor in the time and cost of extra driving in these days of high gas prices.

[Asker]

I thought about the drive up and down and if that's his excuse it's a lame one. We took turns driving back and forth and whoever didn't drive usually ended up paying for whatever we did. He came down here this time and I paid for pizza and his movie ticket for example. I don't even really want to think about the attraction to crazy women. That makes no sense whatsoever to me. I always treated him well; made him feel like a man when he needed it and kept things equal and easy.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Hey, something can not make sense, but you can still be attracted to it. Many girls go back to men who beat them up, ignore them or generally treat them like dirt. Attraction isn't a choice, even if it is towards something that is completely illogical.

[Asker]

Fair enough I guess. Just sucks when the good ones get the short end of the stick.

[TheDigitalSaint]

That it does dear. It is part of playing the game though. Sooner or later most people run into that while in the dating world. Just have to pick yourself up and move along instead of chasing after something that is broken.

[Asker]

I'm trying.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read this whole thing, but I can tell you he was BSing the entire relationship.

[Asker]

For four months?

[Opinion Owner]

It's not actually that long of a time period. If you read on here, you'll see that all these guys talk about how if they don't get any in 3 months, they'll leave. Maybe his was 4. Or maybe some other things were going wrong.

[Asker]

It had to be something else. The guy was in a two year relationship with a girl who never had sex with him because she was religious. Idk. Thanks though.

[Opinion Owner]

Hopefully I'm wrong.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, many guys are like this...

[Asker]

What would make him change his mind so quickly? Who drives four hours and spends $80 bucks on gas to nail a virgin? It couldn't possibly have been just for sex...right?

[Anonymous]

Just imagine if you meet another guy that loves you and marries you, you have to explain to him that you gave your virginity to a guy who didn't even care about you

[Asker]

I wasn't saving my virginity for marriage; I never expected to marry who I lost it to. I waited because I wanted to be mature enough to handle the situation however it ended up. If I had lost it at 16 I'd be a much bigger mess than I am now. And how exactly was that answer supposed to comfort or help me at all?

[Opinion Owner]

so your virginity had no value to you?

[Asker]

Of course it did. If it didn't I wouldn't have waited till I was almost 20. But I'm a realist; I wanted to save it for someone I cared about but just because you love and care about someone doesn't mean that they're going to be the person you end up with.