Why do guys feel entitled to sex?

[Anonymous]

I went out with a guy for about seven months when I was only sixteen. Around months five and six he started trying to get more physical and eventually he outright asked me for sex. I said no, and he was like, "Come on, I've been with you for this long and you won't have sex with me?" Like just by spending a few months with me meant I owed him my v-card. Then when I was seventeen I went out with another guy and he took me on a nice date and afterward he tried to sleep with me. I told him no and he said, "seriously? I just paid all that money and you won't give it to me?" This has happened a few other times as well. Why do guys feel like they can just stomp around and demand sex?

[MrOracle]

The purpose of a relationship is to get things you couldn't otherwise have, and to give things you otherwise couldn't give. There has to be a balance of needs and wants.

One of the main reasons men get into relationships is for sex. It's not the only reason (well, for some it is, but they usually don't get into real relationships if sex is all they want), but it's among the top 3 or 4 reasons. This is something that EVERY girl should be taught starting at Age 12; a lot of girls seem to get into college and still don't know this truth.

That doesn't mean that a girl owes a guy sex, especially not at 16, BUT she should *expect* the guy to want it, and she needs to be up-front and honest if sex is off the table, so that she's not building false expectations. Will some guys leave you if you tell them that there will be no sex? Absolutely! And that's better than leading a guy on for months and THEN telling him there'll be no sex, because THAT will make guys upset.

Under 18, there are plenty of guys who are willing to be in a relationship knowing that sex isn't on the menu (and plenty who aren't willing), but they need to know up-front so they can decide for themselves. Once you turn 18, the number of guys willing to be in a relationship without sex is going to start shrinking fast. The vast majority of adults want and expect sex to be a part of an adult relationship, and so if you don't want sex, you are outside the norm, and it is your responsibility to let your potential partner know that.

Try to imagine if you'd been dating a guy for 3 years, moved in with him, did everything together, got along great, etc., but he never talked about getting married, and when you finally brought it up, he said "oh, I don't ever intend to get married." If marriage was important to you, you'd feel betrayed and like you'd wasted years of your life on a guy with no real future. Or, imagine if you did get married, and wanted to start a family, only for him to say "oh, no kids for me, thanks." Again, you'd be upset and feel cheated.

That's exactly how guys feel if they've been in a relationship a long time and never get sex, unless they knew going in that sex was off the menu.

"If you're officially in a relationship you shouldn't have sex with other girls"

This is true. However, when you're in a relationship and you've asked the other person to be monogamous with you, part of that is accepting the responsibility for your partner's emotional *and* SEXUAL needs, because you are asking them to come to YOU for those needs exclusively. You can't say "you can only eat in my kitchen" and then never cook, or your guy will leave you, or start eating in another girl's kitchen without telling you...

[Chrissy1986]

this hear deserves best answer

[Chrissy1986]

here*

[Ponyhorse]

I think the point this guy is making deserves to be heard. Well said.

[kheserthorpe]

This exactly.

[Asker]

Okay, I see what you mean with the whole marriage and kids thing. It's a little awkward to be upfront about all of that, but is it really best to say that sex is off the table or I want to take it really slow physically?

[MrOracle]

You have to be honest. If sex is NOT going to happen at all, you can't say "we'll take it slow" because that's a lie. Whatever your rules are, you have to communicate them clearly up-front. Most guys, even good guys that care about you, are going to expect sex within a month or two, unless you set their expectations otherwise.

[Malcom_Reynolds]

In the case of the second guy, I'm not gonna try and defend him. Assuming that's what happened, that's just being a jerk.

With the first guy, I feel like there was probably more to the conversation than what you wrote (I'm not saying you're hiding anything, but probably just details you didn't think necessary). So I don't know how I feel about him necessarily.

Here's my take on that kind of situation:

Most guys when they're in a relationship with a girl want to have sex. Obviously you weren't ready and for five or six months he was willing to wait. But it is something that most guys want, and he was probably hoping that by this point you'd be ready to have sex. I don't know your reasons for saying no, but I do think that you did owe it to him to actually discuss it.

My personal opinion on the subject is that while a person entering a relationship can expect to have sex (while accepting the possibility that their SO might not and respecting them for it), they cannot expect their SO to do anything they're not ready for. That is, it's not wrong for someone to want sex in a relationship, but it is to expect someone to give in before they're ready.

[JDS143]

It is risky business with your v card. I was fortunate to have waited till I found a guy I completely trusted. I liked him a lot and I thought I loved him. I was 17 a senior in high school, which in todays culture, is a lot later than the norm. He was a virgin too so it was mutual, it happened on its own, and neither of us asked. I was the one taking charge(which sucks) and I asked him if he was ready. We were both scared and nervous and really excited. That relationship didn't last. It took me 4 months to get over it. I even had a few rebounds. I am not ashamed to say I slept with a couple guys after him. My current boyfriend is the 5th guy I have ever slept with. He will be my last. That is more than what some girls can say.

Every one is different. Every devirginized story is different.

[Anonymous]

lol because they're "nice guys"

I find that the guys who complain about that are the most entitled. they're really nice to you and somehow think that means you owe them sex. then they get mad and complain about you just like the a**holes they claim they are nothing like LOL I'm always wary when guys tell me they "aren't like the others" and whatnot

but to be honest about the first guy, I don't think the 5 month mark is too soon to want to get physical. I mean, everyone has their own idea of when is a good time but I don't know I would feel pretty comfortable if I was with someone for that long. also, I think virginity is extremely overhyped. I somewhat fell into the hype when I was still a virgin but now that I'm past that I don't think its a big deal at all

[TheChristian]

Hi there...first off I don't know if this is new but v-card is hilarious and I plan to use that lol. OK so to answer your question, unfortunately some men are like this and sadly some also don't have to ask a girl anymore but most freely give it up which gives some men the idea that they should expect this from a woman at certain times and for certain tasks. Just continue to look for the signs of guys like this and move on. Wish you the best.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Us guys will do that because there's enough girls out there that will sleep with us fairly easily. Think about it, you might not give it up easily, but there are plenty of girls out there that will. While the guy doing the one date thing was certainly being pushy, your boyfriend waited half a year. While you might not have wanted sex, he probably felt physically less attractive if you didn't want to do it with him. Guys have egos too, just like girls do. He was probably also wondering why you didn't want to, even after he waited so long. What was the reason you gave your ex-bf?

[Asker]

I said I wasn't ready. I was only sixteen and a junior in high school, to me that's too young. Does a guy's self-esteem really depend on whether or not his girlfriend is sleeping with him?

[TheDigitalSaint]

Yes, it does. Sex is a HUGE stress reliever for men and a major reason why we seek it out. It is a form of validation, and good health. Guys that have sex more often are less stressed, have better overall health and live longer than those who have sex rarely or not at all. When you're a young man, you crave it even more because the hormonal juices that are making you horny all the time.

[STEPHGIRL]

So that meant she should have given up her virginity just so he could relieve some stress? I know a guy that waited a year to have sex with his girlfriend and after he got it he broke up with her.

[TheDigitalSaint]

She didn't have to do anything she didn't want to. That being said, just because she has a particular way of looking at this issue doesn't mean that her boyfriend's needs weren't valid. They were perfectly valid, but just it conflicted with her goals. If anything, this could have been prevented if she communicated this in month one of their relationship, not month six. In the future, she should share this up front and if the guy wants to wait, so be it. If not, she should let him move on.

[Pebyron]

Cause a relationship is like an investment

We put money, time and effort into it

And it's a very big disappointment if you don't profit from it

[patoot10]

2nd guy is the biggest jerk of all time

1st guy .. come on can you blame him .. like others answered guys can easily have sex with other girls so when he waits that long you should be obvious with him .. or @ least obvious with yourself .. what's the plan about the v-card .. do you wanna wait till marriage .. do wanna wait till the right guy comes .. if he wasn't the right guy why did you keep him for 6 months !

[Asker]

That's the thing, I don't know. But if I was ready and I had a boyfriend who for some reason wasn't I wouldn't get mad if he said no. I definitely want to be with a guy at least a year before having sex. I want to make sure I don't regret it.

[patoot10]

look , I know that's the 2nd hardest decision a girl makes after choosing who would she marry , yet you deserve to take your time .. but you need to be obvious about it >> have this awkward conversation before things starts getting serious and tell him your point of view .. he might leave you but @ least your honest with him

[djhohrath]

I dont, they sound like d***s.

[taster]

I don't know...I suppose that question has to be answered at some point?...or saved completely until marriage?...people like to see the "light at the end of the tunnel"...it would never have been an issue with me anyway..I never dated virgins..(:(:(:

[Moloch]

Same reason you felt entitled as a woman to out on dates with them for free.

[anonymousbastard]

Why do women feel entitled to a guys money, house, kids, etc? Maybe your a lesbian?

[Asker]

I never really felt entitled to all those things. And it's not like I haven't wanted to as well, it's just that I'm not really ready for it yet.

[anonymousbastard]

Sorry but no women on this earth will turn down, a good looking guy with money and a house.

[Asker]

Not turning down and expecting those things are two very different things.

[Anonymous]

why do girls feel entitled for a guy to take care of them, protect them, stand up for them, to be like their Daddy?

[Anonymous]

first of all guys will give it up easily

it's difficult... because your v card is a bigger deal but once you've done it..i'm a virgin but hearing how many girls feel bad about their first time makes me scared to do it

it isn't as sentimental to have sex for guys as it is for girls

and if they are committed to you they do expect it and I understand why

[Anonymous]

Because they have that fantasy already played out so many times in their head.

[Anonymous]

same reason why girls feel entitled, feel owed to guys taking care of them, leading them, taking charge, control of situations for them

[Anonymous]

Idk.

Probably same reason you felt you could insist they not have sex with other girls.

[Asker]

If you're officially in a relationship you shouldn't have sex with other girls...

[Opinion Owner]

Why? Do relationships have something to do with sex?

[Asker]

Sex is a big deal to girls. I mean, not to all girls, but guys don't seem to take it seriously or see it as special as girls do. If a guy isn't willing to wait for you then he doesn't love you.

[Opinion Owner]

That's like saying if you'd leave a guy because he didn't want kids, you don't really love him. Obviously guys care a LOT about sex but they don't feel saving it is magical. They want it, they want their partner to desire them and they DO feel close and desired and lived when they have sex with someone they love. The 'if he loves you he'll wait' thing dates back to the times when people got married in a few months or else moved on. Sure. Guys who want to marry you in 3 months will wait.