Why do guys feel entitled to sex?

I went out with a guy for about seven months when I was only sixteen. Around months five and six he started trying to get more physical and... Show More

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  • The purpose of a relationship is to get things you couldn't otherwise have, and to give things you otherwise couldn't give. There has to be a balance of needs and wants.

    One of the main reasons men get into relationships is for sex. It's not the only reason (well, for some it is, but they usually don't get into real relationships if sex is all they want), but it's among the top 3 or 4 reasons. This is something that EVERY girl should be taught starting at Age 12; a lot of girls seem to get into college and still don't know this truth.

    That doesn't mean that a girl owes a guy sex, especially not at 16, BUT she should *expect* the guy to want it, and she needs to be up-front and honest if sex is off the table, so that she's not building false expectations. Will some guys leave you if you tell them that there will be no sex? Absolutely! And that's better than leading a guy on for months and THEN telling him there'll be no sex, because THAT will make guys upset.

    Under 18, there are plenty of guys who are willing to be in a relationship knowing that sex isn't on the menu (and plenty who aren't willing), but they need to know up-front so they can decide for themselves. Once you turn 18, the number of guys willing to be in a relationship without sex is going to start shrinking fast. The vast majority of adults want and expect sex to be a part of an adult relationship, and so if you don't want sex, you are outside the norm, and it is your responsibility to let your potential partner know that.

    Try to imagine if you'd been dating a guy for 3 years, moved in with him, did everything together, got along great, etc., but he never talked about getting married, and when you finally brought it up, he said "oh, I don't ever intend to get married." If marriage was important to you, you'd feel betrayed and like you'd wasted years of your life on a guy with no real future. Or, imagine if you did get married, and wanted to start a family, only for him to say "oh, no kids for me, thanks." Again, you'd be upset and feel cheated.

    That's exactly how guys feel if they've been in a relationship a long time and never get sex, unless they knew going in that sex was off the menu.

    "If you're officially in a relationship you shouldn't have sex with other girls"

    This is true. However, when you're in a relationship and you've asked the other person to be monogamous with you, part of that is accepting the responsibility for your partner's emotional *and* SEXUAL needs, because you are asking them to come to YOU for those needs exclusively. You can't say "you can only eat in my kitchen" and then never cook, or your guy will leave you, or start eating in another girl's kitchen without telling you...

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    • Okay, I see what you mean with the whole marriage and kids thing. It's a little awkward to be upfront about all of that, but is it really best to say that sex is off the table or I want to take it really slow physically?

    • You have to be honest. If sex is NOT going to happen at all, you can't say "we'll take it slow" because that's a lie. Whatever your rules are, you have to communicate them clearly up-front. Most guys, even good guys that care about you, are going to expect sex within a month or two, unless you set their expectations otherwise.