How important is sex in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

and is it true that some guys, especially ones who have been in a bunch of relationships and had sexual experience already, don't want to commit to a girl so easily unless the sex is good? my older guy friend...well we are definitely attracted to each other and I know he would like to have sex with me..and I would with him too (except I'm a little scared if we aren't together for real), said usually he has sex before getting into a relationship because he doesn't want to get into one if the sex isn't good with her because having a good sex life is important to him in a relationship and "life is short" i've heard this before..do some guys really think that way?

[MrOracle]

Sex is definitely an important part of a relationship for the vast majority of men, but that doesn't mean that you have to HAVE sex before you get into a relationship. What you DO need to do is TALK about it at length, which seem to scare a lot of people more than actually HAVING sex.

You should learn each others' attitudes towards sex, discuss your wants and needs, how often you expect to have it, what acts you are fine with and which ones are a no-go. You need to talk about STDs, testing, birth control, what happens if she gets pregnant anyway, and all of that. And you need to tell the TRUTH, the full truth, in a "no judgement" kind of way with each other. Once you do that, you should be able to figure out of the two of you are going to be compatible with each other. And if you aren't, then it's probably best if you didn't get into a relationship with each other.

You should also talk about marriage, kids, religion, values, and anything else that is likely to be important in your relationship too. Get that all out up-front, so you both can make an informed decision. If you do this, and still decide you are compatible, the chances of a successful relationship go WAY up.

[HifsMit]

some do...but not us sane guys. we know the quality of the relationship makes the sex that much better.

[HifsMit]

"I know my friend said he doesn't want to get married right now or soon" ^- Any guy who says that and wants to have sex before a relationship is really only looking for sex.

[Asker]

ok, will some guys who don't want to get settled down, get into a sexual relationship with a girl..meaning theyll commit to her if that's what she wants and the sex is good and they have fun together, but don't intend on something serious together?

[HifsMit]

If you base your relationship off sex, then that's what it'll be based on. As for something serious, that's really up to you to decide if you go on with this. He may be a great guy, I don't know. But just remember that your relationship was based on sex. Meaning that comes first in your relationship until he wants to get serious. You can try telling him that you want something serious first, but don't count on changing his perspective that easily.

[Asker]

in the long run I don't want something serious with him but if I am sleeping with him I want it to be exclusive. argh these things are so complicated. I do like him I just know I can't have a future with him and I don't see myself marrying him..

[HifsMit]

Well that's really something you need to discuss with him then. Because things do happen after you start having sex with someone. Connections that you never expected.

[udolipixie]

How important is sex in a relationship?

It seems to depend on the gender with it being:

- gals don't see it as that important focusing more on emotional intimacy and connection

- guys see it as the most important thing for him considering it something owed to him that she can't deny him without a good reason implying her lack of consent/desire isn't a good reason

I've heard this before..do some guys really think that way?

Likely most guys think that way and wouldn't enter a relationship where the sex isn't to his tastes such as she doesn't have it as much as he'd like or she doesn't do blowjobs. It seems 'to him' are the keywords in guys thinking as shown in "good sex life is important to him" seeing as when it comes to her pleasure her orgasm is her responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I think it's important, but not everything.