Sexual Health
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I always have to initiate sex with my girlfriend, why is that?

I'm always the one who has to start sex with her. I kinda hate it because I get shot down more then not. I take care of her when we make love I make sure she has an orgasm at least 2 to 3 times before my 1. we do foreplay for like 15 min then sex for like 30 or so, I don't f*** her or bang...i make love to her, I just hate that I have to always be the one who starts it. but lately everything I touch her or anything she says "no not tonight" or "not now" it makes me feel like sh*t, then she wonders why I masturbate. I always get the "Why did you do that I was awake" it seems so f***ing retarded, I even tried to get her in the mood. she said for a few days that she was craving this certain food...i made it for her and I even got her, her favorite book...we where in the shower together that night I tried to touch her and she shot me down again...i just don't know what to do anymore. she's a self proclaimed sex addict that don't want sex...so I'm thinking she don't love me anymore or maybe she's getting it from someone else. I'm just starting to wonder what the hell is going on. it's starting to make me question her. I think her cheating is a unlikely thing because she has been cheated on and said how much it hurt her so I don't think she would do that at least I hope so. I love her so much she says she loves me to...even plays that she loves me more...but I'm starting to question that I think she maybe just saying it to say it...any advice ladies would be most helpful, thanks in advice.
0 2

Most Helpful Guys

  • Hey man... here's my response, coming from dealing with something very much like this myself for years...

    Don't let it get to you. Most women, even the self-proclaimed "nympho" ones, in my experience, often crave more "non-sexual" touch (kissing, cuddling, etc... that legit doesn't lead to sex or feel pressured), and don't have the sex-drive to hang with most "active" men. This doesn't mean she's cheating on you or anything (women do not necessarily equate sex as love after all)... she just might not be in the mood. It could be stress at her job, she could be self conscious about something with her body, or any number of other things. You did good making her that food and getting her that book... but try doing that every once in a while and expect nothing physical in return, and don't put any moves on her. Just let her do her thing.

    As far as the masterbating thing goes... if she confronts you again, trust me, just be honest. Don't add some "tone" to your answer or anything because she'll immediately go on the defensive and you'll get nowhere... but if you just say something like, "Well honey, lately you've seemed kind of stressed and not in the mood... so I didn't want to bother you." You'd be surprised at how often that works at creating an understanding.

    Last but not least... talk to her about it. Be careful on how you phrase what you say, again, so she doesn't get defensive on you... but just let her know you've noticed she's not really been in the mood lately, and you were wondering if there was anything you could do to either help out with or work on. Heck, if you're always making sure she has 2-3 orgasms, plus 15-30 minutes of foreplay, she may just not always want to invest that time into it. I know I've had at least one girl tell me she wanted to "please me"... but didn't always want me to worry about her and take up a bunch of time.

    Anyway, hope that gave you some ideas... good luck man!

  • As all the girls answer "just talk to her":

    I have never heard of anyone who resolved this with talking. I think you assume this would be a calm rational conversation. It never is. Only a few minutes till the word "all you ever want is..." are thrown back and then your precious sane talk is out the window.

Most Helpful Girls

  • hey, wow sounds like you are being a very caring and attentive boyfriend. I think you just need to talk openly to your girlfriend about this and tell her exactly how her turning you down all the time for sex makes you feel. I would approach it with the same self-reflective tone as you used here, rather than being accusatory and saying "you" this and you "that". Tell her how her not wanting sex makes you feel and ask her what changed in your relationship. If you don't approach the subject directly then you will never get an answer and your girlfriend may have no idea how you feel.

    I wouldn't mention cheating right away, by the way. I would just start off by talking about your relationship. And I know it's hard to approach these kinds of topics, even with someone that you love, but just imagine how your relationship is going to suffer if you don't air out your frustrations (and find out what's upsetting her...which may have nothing to do with you, could be stress, fatigue, etc.)

    good luck!

  • I always have to initiate sex with my girlfriend, why is that?

    Possibly because she's not aggressive or that interested in it since to many gals the best thing about sex with a guy is either wanting it or foreplay.

    Any advice ladies would be most helpful

    Probably best suited to talk to her about the lack of sex and how you want her to initate. Probably better suited to not do something nice for her than seek from her thoguh I highly doubt you'd be doing anything nice for her if you didn't think it'd lead to sex however most gals don't want to think that.

    "I don't f*** her or bang...i make love to her"

    Different opinion as mine is unless she's orgasming during intercourse you're not making love to her rather you're f*cking and banging her.

  • Have a real discussion with her about it. Make sure she's actually as satisfied with the sex as you think she is. Guys often assume it's better than it is. Also, she may be beginning to feel like you only do nice things for her in order to turn her on for sex. So if every time you do something sweet you try to initiate sex later, she's going to begin to feel resentful of it and not want the sex at all. Basically, have a talk with her and get out both of your feelings.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 8

  • Have you ever asked her if there's anything you can do to please her?

    Guys exaggerate with their take on their sex life. They think they're good while the girl is thinking something else.

  • I guess she just has a lower sex drive than you. It sounds like you're good to her though, it's her loss!

  • I always had to initiate sex women just need to be stimulated

  • not having sex without any "particular" reason is a serious sign that you're probably finished. she's just hanging around. sooner or later she'll be gone.

    plus, you should f*** her like a whore - "making love" all the time is so boooring. for her.

    anyway, start looking for a new chick.

  • Run like your ass is on fire.

    • I'm serious by the way. There are lots of reasons she might not want sex more. Valid ones! But you know what's not okay? Her just shooting you down all the time and expecting you to deal with it. If she's got problems with your sex life, or the relationship, and she wants to bring them up, you can be supportive. But if you have to pry out of her what the problem is (assuming she knows/cares) and then persuade her to work with you on fixing it? You deserve better.

  • Have you told her any of this? That should be your first step.

  • heard it a thousand times. it won't change.

  • You sound really nice! To be honest with you I don't know what's her deal I'm a girl and I know we can be a pain in the butt I feel sorry for guys like you that get girls like that. =(

    I guess it's her loss, I would f*** you just for cooking my favorite meal jajaja but good luck with this just talk to her straight out tell us how things go.

  • It sounds as if she's been educated with negative ideas about sex and/or about women who want sex.

  • Lmk when you figure this out. It my current problem as well.

    Ticking me off considering the amount of time and money I continue to spend on her...

  • sounds like a regular relationship to me.

  • It sounds as if she's pregnant... When women are pregnant, they don't wana have sex... you should try and ask her

    • Shes not prego

    • Possibly some women don't want to have sex when pregnant. My experience is more women are quite interested in sex when pregnant, up till the last month or two.

    • Then you should try talking to her and ask her why she doesn't want to have sex with you... if you did something she didn't like or somethig

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