Do most men force themselves sexually onto their girlfriends?

[Anonymous]

I have had three boyfriends (all what people on here call 'nice guys') and two out of those three kept doing sexual things and not stopping when I made it clear I didn't want to. If I tried to push them away, they still wouldn't stop... As well as this, all of the family problems in my family and in the family of my friends have been caused by the men, and it makes me feel quite negative about future relationships. Is this common in other families? My sister was once attacked while she was on holiday by a group of men and the rest of that year was ruined for us because it saddened us for a long time. I just have a low opinion of men. I judge them before knowing them, and even have a lower opinion of my male friends, because men can't seem to control their egos. Even the boyfriend who hasn't forced himself on me. He seemed so perfect, but little traits shows through, such as kicking his sister when he was angry at her and being rude to his mum. Then you have all the male politicians, who crave power. Is all of this common? Am I being unreasonable? I want to find someone who I can truly love and can spend the rest of my life with, but I wouldn't trust them to stay kind. I want someone who I can trust to stay with me and even the marriage fails, would still care about their children. How do you know when you have found someone like this?

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

I fail to see the link between these jerks within your family and circle of friends to male politicians. I'm going to assume that was just frustration talking and not sound reasoning.

Getting back to the real issue here, would be the men you are surrounded by. Their behavior is inexcusable and not the actions of men. It's the actions of angst-filled boys who don't know how to use their words, or possess judgment.

They should be ashamed of themselves, they should be ridiculed for their behavior in public, by the public.

Now, what I'm going to say might make you angry, but it's something you need to hear and if it's anger that ultimately motivates you, so be it.

I'm thinking that because you've had such poor examples of men in your family that your choices in significant other end up being versions, shall we say "carbon copies" of the men in your family.

Going after the same thing, and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.

Do I think your insane? Not at all. But I do think you need to re-evaluate what it is you believe to be a good and decent man.

Believe it or not, there are plenty of us out there who are good-willed and not interested in manipulating or over-powering a significant other. We're loving, caring, able to provide in many ways, and interested in having a relationship with a woman that is based in love and mutual respect.

But anything that is worth having in this life is not conveniently within reach. It takes effort on both people's parts, and it takes commitment.

Getting involved with a guy that is convenient, is likely not going to work out, unless there is a significant relationship development prior to the romantic relationship beginning.

You need to work outside of your comfort zone if you plan to meet a guy that will meet your criteria, and more importantly causes you to feel safe, because that is something you likely need over most other emotional responses.

[Asker]

Thank you fro your reply. Sorry there is too much to reply to within this word limit, but I do want to be sure: Is it actually rare for a boyfriend to do something sexual to his girlfriend when she doesn't want him to? Like force her to do something or not stop when she tries to stop him? I go for people who seem selfless and I like their morals, but when you get close, you realize they're not like that.

[MSamu3l]

From what I know, the answer to your question is no. Usually they just go out to get some more and end up cheating if they don't get it from their girlfriends, and those guys are still considered jerks not nice guys. Nice guys will either try to make the relationship work by talking you or accepting what ever you give him, or they would simply break up with you and not cheat.

[MSamu3l]

Sorry, I meant that the answer to your question is yes. it is rare and usually indicates a controlling boyfriend

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

In short, you're chasing controlling men. It's not normal. You need to change what you're chasing.

[Asker]

How do you know if someone isn't controlling?

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

A common feature, they don't raise their voice when reinforcing their argument. But that isn't a full-proof trait. The best thing you can do is be patient, learn about the person as much as you can, and when you do feel comfortable then date them. If you take your time, and they are still around, they are likely worth the effort. If they are controlling, they will leave if there's nothing happening at their pace.

[MSamu3l]

I see no reason why a guy should force himself on you if you say you are not in the mood. I would ask if you have a low sex drive but even if you don't have sex with them as much as they like is still not enough to make them do that to you. I think you have just been dating irresponsible excuses for men. You shouldn't give up on men because of an insignificant amount that can't control their urges. Just try and see the base character of someone first before trusting and giving your heart.

[Anonymous]

No! Normal men don't and furthermore, you know its the right guy because he's nice to you and treats you well. Clearly you aren't picking the right guys. My boyfriend hasn't and would never do anything like that, those mean, negative traits aren't traits of all guys. My father, brothers, brother in laws and boyfriends are all great, wonderful supportive men. And one of them is a politician, he's not on an ego trip...he simply wants to serve the people in his community! You are obviously surrounding yourselves with the wrong ones, I think you should stay away from men until your self-esteem is better because obviously your decision making skills seem rather poor. Men only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Don't blame the whole male species because your descion making SUCKS! You pick bad men to reinforce your belief that all men are bad. Its a self-fufilling prophecy. You pick the crappy ones, just so you can subconcsiously say to yourself "See, he seemed nice. but he really wasn't". That's a bad, vicious cycle.

[Asker]

Why would I pick the crappy ones to say that? I go for the boys who seem caring and selfless, who don't make fun of certain people. Do you really think I choose people who are horrible on purpose?

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sorry if that sounded harsh, I meant subconsciously you do it, there are ALWAYS signs in a guy, but maybe you just don't see them, I just find that hard to believe. I don't think you realize you're doing but lots of women do go for the same "type" over and over and get the same results and blame the guys.

[Asker]

But even my friends say 'he's such a nice boy, If you weren't with him, I would want him', because they're such selfless people. And I wouldn't fall for people who flirt, because it would make me feel like they're the type of person who I decribed in my quesion. Maybe it's the people who flirt a lot who are the nice ones...

[JustifiedBrink2017]

I would question those who say he is a "nice guy" as well. People should be honest and upfront with each other. Unfortunately that's not usually the reality.

[kheserthorpe]

No

however good men and not so good ones are not evenly spread through the world.

[jpinka]

u deserve better, no its not normal.

[uhaveatextmessage]

All people judge, that's just how we are, even if we don't admit it

[normalice]

i would suspect it is regional. i.e. the majority of men in a given town may be prone to behave this way.

but no, it isn't world-wide. It is true that what you describe is more-or-less the male instinct, but a lot of us grow out of it. Again, those who don't tend to for a reason that also effects other men in the area.

How do you know if you've found someone like this? Well, I would suggest meeting their parents. If their parents seem like they indulge their kids too much, then you may want to avoid their kids.

[KingsOfleon88]

Well first of all, if they didn't stop when you told them too, they aren't "nice guys." I mean, as soon as you said stop they should have backed off.

Second of all, never judge someone you don't even know. I know it's human nature (and we're all guilty of doing it at times) but people can definitely surprise you. The guy who you probably think could be the worst of all (based solely on appearance) could potentially be the guy who treats you the best.

Lastly, people who enter politics crave power to begin with. That's why they take on that position, because it is a position of power. It sounds like you don't give a lot of people a chance and imo they can surprise you.

[Anonymous]

not all men but a lot of men

[Anonymous]

99.8% of all nice guys aren't actually all that nice.