Why do some people get upset if their SO masturbates?

I read a question on here a while ago and it was basically a girl feeling very betrayed by her boyfriend because he masturbated. She was tempted to break up with him and angry because he said he would never do it again but he did.

Personally I think this is way to controlling and crazy. But that's just me.

So my question is. would you feel betrayed if your SO masturbated? Amd why?


Most Helpful Girl

  • How psychotically insecure.


What Guys Said 5

  • I pretty much assume my GFs masturbate even if she doesn't admit it, though most of my GFs have readily admitted it. It's totally normal and doesn't bother me a bit; I even sometimes "help out" by talking her through it over the phone if I can't be there.

    I'd never choose masturbation over sex with my girl, and she knows that, so she has no reason to be insecure, and I could see a girl having a problem if a guy was doing that. But a girl who thinks her partner should NEVER masturbate no matter what? That girl is simply clueless, naive, and WAY too controlling and prudish.

  • You're not alone, I think that is way controlling too unless she has been giving him some I can understand where she's coming from.

    Would I feel betrayed if my SO masturbated?

    No I wouldn't because everyone has sexual urges and sometimes they just need to satisfy themselves. Maybe I wasn't there to give it to her or maybe she didn't want to have sex, she just wanted to do masturbate. Hell, she probably has been doing it before I even met her.

  • Those people have issues.

  • Because it means that they haven't managed to please them.

  • lol that chick is weird.

    its out of insecurity when they don't want their SO's to masturbate. jealousy.

    tho she's right to be angry if he said he wouldn't do it anymore and still did, cause he did lie.

    maybe she was more upset that he lied, and not that he masturbated.

    but no, I love it when girls masturbate.

    especially in front of me.


What Girls Said 11

  • I think it's a naivety and insecurity issue. I think the younger and less experience you are the more a gal would be inclined to feel that way. But as time goes on you learn that masturbation is something that every guy does because they simply have sex on the brain so much. It's part of having high testosterone levels. It really doesn't have anything to do with him not being into her or her being enough for him.

  • Personally, I know that it's normal to masturbate while in a relationship and I think it's very healthy for both people to do so. But it's not so hard for me to see why it makes some people insecure. People who don't want their significant other to masturbate probably feel threatened by the idea that their partner can be satisfied without them, or the possibility that masturbation could feel better to them than sex. They might also feel that their partner wants sex less because of their masturbation habit, and that could be a source of conflict. They could also be worried about what their SO was masturbating TO- i.e. p*rn or another person.

    It's not a healthy outlook, but it's not confusing to me.

    • You have to stop and think about it...if masturbation actually felt better than sex, then why would we ever opt to have sex in the first place? I know from personal experience that when someone else is doing the work to get me off, then I can relax and enjoy it more. My orgasms are almost always more intense when I'm with a guy instead of alone. Solo sex is definitely not a threat to relationship sex by any means...especially for guys.

    • Show All
    • Your usual intelligent, thoughtful answer...but some say that masturbation/porn can be addicting and I think everyone needs to be alert to the idea that p*rn/masturbation can actually replace a real woman...and this is sad...porn has no smell, taste or feel...o.O

    • That's true, and it's something I mentioned in one of my comments. Of course it's totally reasonable to feel upset if your partner is addicted to masturbation or p*rn. But under normal, healthy circumstances, there is no real reason to let it bother you.

  • Heck no, we both need/and should want some solo time. If all he does is wank off and never actually have sex with me that'd be a different story...but if we're talking in healthy moderation I say do what you gotta do.

  • that is waay to controling!. really! wow.

    idc that my boyfriend masturbates and he dnt care that I do. I do care if he does it in front of because ill say I'm right here and you gona jack off! lol I think he does it caus when I turn down sex and he's hard hell jack off in front of me then ill take over. lol

    lol I think she jus have issues personally.

  • I don't feel betrayed because we are in a long dist relationship. that having been said I try to wait for him and not masturbate all the time. sometimes I have to hit it, but I don't overdo it. I'd rather wait most times, just resist it, and have him take care of my p**** for me.

  • I don't mind. But I don't necessarily love it. I'd rather just have sex! He feels the same way about me masturbating.

  • I didn't like my ex to masturbate but I have a different reason than the girl you listed. My ex always lasted longer when he didn't masturbate & his loads were bigger.

    • It seems that he would last longer if he masturbated, because he would not be trying to hold back the bigger load...Also, it is interesting that you must ENJOY it more when he shoots a bigger load. ? Is that right...good for you

    • I don't know why but it seems he lasted longer if he didn't masturbate before hand, he also seemed thicker & harder too & I like come & I like a LOT of it.

  • yeah I know some girls get so offended if they find out their boyfriend masturbated.

    personally, I don't see the big deal, and I'm kind of a prude.

    as long as he does it in his house, and not in public, I don't care. its not like if he's cheating or anything. I thought it was normal for guys to do that? they must be living under a rock or something.

  • Those people have issues. Most likely insecurity problems - if they have me why would they need to masturbate and very conservative about sexuality. weirdos nonetheless, imo. I wouldn't date someone like that

  • no...as long as he's thinking of me :P

    in all serious no. it's too controlling. plus I do it often. but I hope I wouldn't need to as often if I had a boyfriend,

    and when I'm dating someone I'm thinking about him anyway