How to stop self-rape?

Every time I masturbate, it's not because I want to do it. I call what I do self-rape because I simply don't want to do it, but I force myself. 4 years ago, I started convincing myself that I had to do it for the sake of loosening up - from the suggestion of a therapist. At first I enjoyed it but now I hate it. I don't want to - I'm not even turned on - but I force myself to. I don't feel good afterward because I feel that I haven't listened to my own inner voice, and I'm not respecting my body when it says no. After, I stop taking care of my body, stop dressing well, and stop being hygienic. I feel numb and emotionless, and it's really hard for me to connect with anybody afterward, especially guys. I want a long-term relationship so bad, but they always seem to last only 2 months max because I end up focusing on the pursuit of emotionless sex. I remember when I was younger - before being forcing myself to masturbate - I would get so aroused and have butterflies in my stomach simply by smelling the cologne on guys, being next to them, and especially physically being intimate. But now, not even a kiss arouses me, or guys intimately touching my breasts. I feel numb. Please help, and if you're going to answer by saying it's natural, then please save your typing for another post. I don't want to use this topic for arguing, I just want some support and advice on how to stop. And if there is hope. I'm 26 and afraid that my brain wiring has already been set and I will be forever numb. Thanks so much.
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • Self-rape? Seriously?

    Well, I guess you're saying it hurts you, because you do if often and use up those hormones, stressing certain glands and whatever that are responsible for that. So it takes away your urge for a relationship and you just want to fulfill an urge.

    Well, you can either try to do another activity when you want to do that, because you can't replace something with nothing. Or, you can try getting a close friend to hold you accountable, because it helps keep you from doing something when you know you'd have to lie to someone about it...

    And no, it's not permanent. It might take a month or two to fully restore the hormone balances, but you can definitely turn this around, no question there.

  • I think your situation is a bit too deep and serious for non-educated GAGers. I think you should see a DIFFERENT therapist. I have NO idea why he/she would suggest something so unethical.

    It sounds to me like you are suffering from sexual dysfunction. Through masturbation, you've desensitized yourself from feeling physical arousal from another person. In other words, through masturbation you re-hardwired your body to become aroused by masturbation, and not physical and mental arousal from another person.

    • Thanks for understanding. Is it something that I can change? Or re-wire? I'm desperate to know. I don't go to that therapist anymore - she was someone I went to my senior year of high school - which is when it happened - and it went all the way through til the end of college. I was going through depression and isolation when I began seeing her - and I think masturbation is the WORST cure for that - if anything, it worsens it, as it takes away from that physical connection with another. (cont.)

    • I haven't been able to find any therapists who understand my problem because nowadays, most of them promote masturbation and consider it natural and healthy, so they simply dismiss what I'm dealing with as repression. The problem with this is that it isn't. I've went to ones that were religious, who wouldn't refute what I was saying, but the sessions were embarrassing and uncomfortable. I feel like there are such extremes in psychology beliefs that it's really hard to find help.

    • Oh, you're welcome. I have studied psychology for years, and have taken various psychology courses. I know what you're going through is real. It is indeed something you can re-wire, and you're right, continuing masturbation is harmful for you in this particular situation. How often do you do it? Is it something you feel you can refrain from, or something you can't control? Repression is actually quite rare, and there are many other causal factors that may be more beneficial to assess.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • I think you need to keep seeing a therapist. See a different one, if you'd like.

    Chances are, you are numb because you are having some kind of strange thought processes going on in all areas of your life. I've never heard of masturbation causing a disconnect from emotional response. I do think, however, that mildly depressed/anxious people might masturbate more to get a temporary chemical release. I think your feelings are caused by masturbatino ... but a SYMPTOM of a deeper rooted problem. What were you seeing a therapist for? (No judgement, I just started going to one, too).

    • Sorry, that should say "are not" caused ...

    • I was seeing a therapist for a lot of reasons. Arguments with parents, social isolation, parents separating, excessive p*rn exposure as a child, feelings of ugliness, crossed boundaries within family. If anything, I needed to get my social life set up and connect with peers. That's all. I needed a support network. I did not need an adult telling me how to sexually behave. I mean, why couldn't they just say, "go date"? Why, if I'm isolated, would anybody suggest to do something isolating?

    • Do you have extensive anxiety about sex? It could have just been a "suggestion" which doesn't mean you HAVE to do it. You don't HAVE to do anything someone else says. I'm sensing some issues with intense feelings of powerlessness here are much deeper than touching yourself or not touching yourself. Do you feel powerless? Also, if you do enjoy masturbation and orgasms, do you think you are punishing yourself for that, mentally by? Do you often find yourself intensely angry at yourself?

  • I didn't know anyone else had this problem too... I haven't got quite that far yet that I can't feel connection to people, but it's significant enough that my counselors nearly always suspect that I've been sexually abused... I tell them that they are wrong, but I can't explain the truth to them because I've been hiding it so long I can't open my mouth and say it... It's like you said, I used to like it but now I hate it, and I've even lost feeling and I'm not sure I'll ever enjoy being intimate with anyone... I guess now I know I'm not alone.

  • i have no idea why you can't just stiop? have you tried going cold turkey? what happens when you do? I masturbate every night and when I do not feel like I still do it anyway because I have the urge to. but I can stop.

    do you know why you keep doing it?

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

5 7
  • did something bad happened to you? I won't ask in specifics if that is too personal. but I would find a different therapist to be honest. I don't think masturbation really helps someone to be emotionally calm. I feel liek this is something that is equivellent to punishing yourself, since you don't like it but you feel you have to. its difficult to help you without specifics, but I'm no tharapist, and I think you need professional help for this one. good luck :(

  • My advice would be to find a new therapist. This is some genuine, psychological sh*t, girl. You definitely need yourself figured out before you can try a relationship with another person..

  • So are you still doing it only because you think you 'have to'?

    • Sometimes. I sometimes still try and convince myself that it is important to do in order not to look at sex as a bad thing, because society says it's so important - and the reason why I become so afraid of sex is because every time I masturbate, I become aggressively sexual with guys - a numb aggression. Instead of those fluttery feelings of excitement, I look at them as emotionless, numb objects to get me off - even though we don't have sex. It's a gloomy feeling. (cont.)

    • When I was younger and I was around guys, it was either my heart beating only, or my heart and genital area beating. But after masturbation, it's only my genital area. There's no excitement or happiness. I want it back so bad but I feel a bit like it's hopeless to get that heartbeat back.

    • I think they are separate but -sometimes- overlapping things. I encourage you to get the perspective of women who might share a different perspective. Hmm. I don't think I can type mine on phone easily. But I like rough sex with a monogamous partner and I like emotional intimacy and I need both. So maybe sharing mine will help?

    • Show All
  • Well it sounds like you'd rather get dragged through shattered glass than masturbate, so why do you force yourself to do it?

    • I don't know, it's a numbness I feel all the time - and I think that by getting orgasms that I will feel less numb. But I don't in the end - I feel worst as I feel I haven't listened to myself in the end. I'm technically a virgin and want to be with a guy but I'm afraid that these years of psychologically forcing myself to do this has dampened any passion or potential physical chemistry with guys. Or that I simply won't be turned on because my sexual wiring has been completely changed...

    • Well... speaking from personal experience... I had sex before I started masturbating, and it was pitiful. Tiny orgasms, general discomfort... it wasn't until after I started masturbating that I had earth shattering orgasms during sex. I understand what you're saying about becoming numb, but that happens with time and exposure anyway. Even if you'd had sex first, over time, it still would have taken more than a peck on the lips to get you going.

  • Just stop wanking so much. Hope this helped :)

  • Sounds like to me you need to get yourself a new therapist and quit

  • I would have to say maybe it's the actual attraction to the guy. Also trying to force a LTR. Will never work. If you want to slow down on the masterbation, hit the gym, go for a run, or get out and be social. That's what I do.

  • Asker
    Get rid of your religious guilt feelings. You'll be happier

  • I'm still trying to stop my addiction

  • You need a better therapist. You clearly have deep issues.

  • It sounds like you might have some sort of addiction. You should get help,whether it be a different therapist, or a support group or something

  • You are focusing too much on sex and sexual thoughts. I actually don't believe your post and the fact you had a therapist tell you to do that but if it is true go to a different one. We are not doctors.

    • Please don't waste your time commenting if you consider my post false. There are many other people who need questions answered. Thanks.

    • Whatever troll