Sexual Health
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Is it possible to fall in love with someone you weren't initially attracted to?

You're not initially sexually attracted to someone but over time you get to know them and they are the most amazing person. Can the sexual attraction come later? Grow over time? Not that they are ugly. Just never got that spark. Can a relationship really work like this? Usually it's the sexual attraction that begins the whole thing. Maybe it's actually the best way to start a relationship. How would you handle it?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Yeah it can happen. I knew this girl for about 2 years before I started to feel a sexual attraction towards her. He is very beautiful, but I never felt the sexual attraction. I started to fall for her earlier this year and this spring I started feeling sexually attracted to her.

    I think she is the sexiest girl in the world right now even though we never had sex yet either. I never asked her if she felt the sexual attraction towards me at first or not. She is the best girl in the world and yeah we had a great friendship to start with and we are starting a real relationship. We want to do it right now so bad we just can't freakin stand it, but we are waiting. We haven't fooled around at all. I don't know how much longer we are going to be able to wait...

    I think we will always have a great relationship or friendship cause we didn't just hop in the bed too quickly. Sex to early in a relationship can hurt some relationships.

    • Oopps....I wrote " He is very beautiful..." I meant " She is very beautiful... "...lol. I'm talking about my girl...lol

    • Sure you were. Sure you were. It's OK. It's not like there is anything wrong with it

    • Hahaha

    • Show All

  • Yes, definitely. This was the exact situation for the girl I liked over the summer. We worked together and I didn't even notice her at first. She started to like me so she started talking to me, so I was like eh she seems cool but nothing special looks-wise. Then I got to know her and began to really like her. As time wore on she became first attractive, then more and more beautiful each time I saw her.

    I almost think a relationship would be better because of this. If someone falls in love with your looks, things will be difficult in the long run because looks fade over time. If someone falls in love with your personality, they fall in love with who you really are, which really won't change that much over the course of your life. They love you because you're you, which is awesome.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I have found this really helpful ad would like to add to it. I have found a genuinely lovely guy who I really really like. We have met twice in a group. I asked him to go for a drink and he has bee straight and basically said only as friends and doesn't want to lead me on etc. I was honestly gutted but I really really do like him. I think that when we actually meet ad chat we will get on very well. How likely do you think it is the that once this guy ad I get to know each other that he will grow to like me more and more? Neither of us are ugly and literally have everything in common. Shall I just go along with it, be really relaxed and my usual self and just see he if he gradually feels something else? If we are honest is is usually rare that people grow to like each other, eg more of an exception to the rule rather than the rule?

  • That has actually always been within the answers I've left about what's more important looks or peronsality. Generally, looks draw you in and a personality keeps you there. But sometimes you get to know someone on a different level and their personality all of a sudden makes them attractive to you. I've noticed that more than once, I've been drawn in by a really hot guy and down the road, because his personality sucks, I've thought, wow, he's really not that hot. And on the flip, gotten to know really great guys, and over time started thinking, you know he's actually really cute. And I know, the fact that they have great personalities is the reason they are more attractive to me.

  • Yes you can fall for someone you were not initially attracted to. That's how it happened for my fiance and I. I have known him for 5 years but 4 of those years were me and him just being friends. I thought he was a great guy to know and talk to. The thought of sex or anything more than a friend didn't cross my mind at first. I grew up over those 4 years and found out what an amazing person he is and his looks just got better and better. To me, when you like a guy you start to find them to be so attractive. That was the case for me. He was never ugly to begin with there was just no spark.

    • Yea, getting to know someone can make them more attractive. That's exactly the inspiration I was looking for. Thanks! It seems like that's how you SHOULD want to fall in love, right? Makes more sense that way. So since you didn't have that initial spark, do you have a fulfilling sex life now? Passion? Did it come naturally?

    • Actually yes, our sex life is amazing and the affection is so nice. After I realized how much I liked him I couldn't wait to jump his bones. He's my best friend as well as my fiance. I couldn't ask for more.

    • Wow. That's perfect! Congrats on finding that and thanks for your answer.

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What Girls & Guys Said

9 8

  • Yeah, this happens occasionally.

    But I think it's foolish to *wait* for it to happen. If you're fixated on one guy, and hoping he'll feel the same way about you, you're probably wasting your time. You're also probably ignoring guys who'd like to date you.

  • Heck yes it can. I haven't read anyone else's answers, but my current, serious, long term (we like to use the word permanent) boyfriend was not initially someone I was attracted to. Now I'm head over heels.

  • yeha it can happen for sure.

  • It is definitely possible to fall in love like that... I think it is the best way to fall in love because then you know its more real.. You like the person for their personality and not just their looks.. Because when you think someone is real attractive you start liking their personality only because your infatuated with their looks not because there is a real connection.

  • Yes absolutely and sometimes it's a good thing, being that your relationship isn't built off a purely sexual basis. People don't fall in love because of sexual attraction, that usually faded pretty quickly. You fall in love with their personal qualities. If it were me I'd date them and if I'm happy continue from there.

  • Of course it's possible. That's the best kind of love, the kind that creeps up on you.

  • Some qualities don't show well in a pair of tight jeans--lkindness, serenity, humor. So it's inevitable that you'll find some people attractive it ways other than their looks. (I find funny girls irresistibly hot.)

    What won't work, is no sexual attraction, a totally brainy relationship. Keep these people as friends, and save yourself a crisis once you find a person who gives you a proper jolt.

  • Why not? I think you can give it a try. nothing wrong with it.

  • yesyesyesyesyes

    and it is beautiful ;)

  • Yeah it happens to most people. It happens way more often than love at first sight.

  • It's a balance, really. I've had serious relationships with some very beautiful girls who also happened to be horrible people. I've had serious relationships with girls who had amazing personalities but I felt zero physical attraction to them. Both ways failed, because there wasn't a balance.

    My ex told me she loved being with me because she was physically attracted to me AND she loved me personality. She compared that to her other ex, and with him, she loved his personality but felt zero physical attraction.

    Honestly, I believe there needs to be SOME kind of "spark," physically. My best friend is female, and she's 32. She said that up until now, she's said what the rest of you are saying: looks don't really matter. Now, she says she's had enough of that, and she knows she won't be truly happy unless she's also physically attracted to the guy. Then again, she's good-looking, so she can afford that luxury...

    But yeah, I say it's all about BALANCE.

  • of course you can fall for someone that you previously didn't have feelings for. when you think about it, every relationship starts out like this. you don't know the person before you meet them and on just meeting them you can't be in love with them so it grows over time.

  • Yes but it'll take time

  • Of course..

    And hey...MoonFight...you are a piece of trash. I didn't answer you because I got up to get food. Thanks for deleting me as a friend and blocking me for absolutely NO reason. You are PATHETIC.

  • this happened to my best friend!

    she knew the guy for 4 years and hated his guts up until the beginning of this year she just suddenly started liking him

    so yes, it can happen

  • yeah, like there's this guy that my sister is dating. I have a trust issue, so I'm not usually physically attracted to anyone. Though, I started to pick on him and tease him and stuff (me being a jerk and calling him names). Instead of being a jerk like most guys and being nasty towards me, he actually deflected my comments and threw some back. And when that happened, I gradually felt the need to kiss him over time. I know this example sounds bad, but I'm not really interested in him at all like that.

    but bottom line, yeah, it can happen.

  • I think it can come later, yes.

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