Sexual Health
+1 y

Why do guys think that virgins are clingy?

I read a lot of answers from guys and they said that they would be afraid of sleeping with a virgin girl because she would get clingy afterward. I´m a 23 year old virgin girl. Actually, in two months I will be turning 24. I have been in love with the same guys basically all my life. It didn't work out and I finally realized he doesn't love me back. He hardly remembers I´m alive now that we haven´t seen each other in nearly 4 years. I wanted to wait for him because I was desperately in love and it didn't feel right to do it with someone else. I had A LOT of opportunities to go out with great guys and I wasted them all. Now, I´m so so so tired of being a virgin. It makes me undesirable, ugly, disgusting and the biggest turn off in the world. I just want to have fun and date many different guys like a lot of girls do. I´m tired of that idea of "waiting for the right one". The guy I loved didn´t love me back. What am I supposed to do? Wait without sex until fate decides it´s time to fall in love again? Who knows when will that happen? I´m not saying I want to turn into a slut, I just want a fun, flirty, light, not-nerve-wracking relationship for once. I do want to trust that person and there has to be respect and attraction, but it doesn't have to be "the one" or "the right guy". I have no idea who the right guy is. I am so worried that nobody would want to sleep with me because I´m a virgin. I´m not saying that I want to have sex for the first time and then I would be happy if the guy woke up and left me, but I don´t think I would get clingy. Do you think what I want to do is right? or should I keep on waiting? maybe say these things because I´m tired and a bit angry that things have not been working out for me lately on this subject...
Updates:
+1 y
I would like to add that absolutely nobody who knows me know I´m a virgin.
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • Guys think that because it's very, very often the reality.

    For example, a girl from this site has been talking to me for a while. She was also a virgin in her early 20s, met a guy she really liked, but was going to be moving away, but she decided she really did like him and wanted to have sex with him, even knowing that they wouldn't be able to be together for very long afterward. She eventually did so, then moved, and now she's having a VERY hard time getting over the guy and letting it go. Yet, before they had sex, when I warned her this was almost certainly going to happen, she was SURE she knew what she was doing and that she wouldn't be that way. She simply had no idea her feelings would be so strong after having sex.

    Thing is, this is a very, very common story. Women are designed to bond to the man they have sex with, whether they want to or not, and in my experience, having talked to probably over a thousand people about their relationships over the years, it almost always happens. Even girls who have admitted to being promiscuous and have referred to themselves as "sluts" have told me that they can't sleep with a guy more than once or twice in a row or they'll get attached.

    Does that mean you should wait? Not necessarily. You shouldn't have sex before you feel ready, and that not only means "ready in general" but also until you are comfortable enough with the guy to have sex with him. And, IMO, the guy doesn't have to be "the best, most perfect guy in the universe ever" or "the one I'm gonna marry" or anything like that, but he should at least have some real feelings for you and be a good guy in general and treat you well. If you want to, you can say he needs to be your boyfriend too, but that isn't necessary for everyone.

    Few guys are really going to care either way if you're a virgin, BUT most guys aren't going to be interested in a sexless relationship either. But if they know you're a virgin, they'll either break up quickly if they think that's a problem for them, or they'll be more patient with you and give you a bit more time to be comfortable.

    I advise, since you've never really had a relationship, that you realize that you'll probably have quite a few relationships before you're ready to settle down, and that you'll need some practice to learn what is REALLY important to you as well as how to choose a partner. So, you don't need to make a perfect decision the first time, just a good one. Figure out which of your standards are important, and which ones really aren't a big deal for a "not forever" relationship, and use that as your guide.

  • Why does it matter if you are, and if anyone knows? Contrary to popular belief, sex doesn't make your life suddenly complete. It can certainly compliment it, and can enhance it, but also usually complicates it.

    Personally never been a big fan of friends with benefits. I sounds good, but almost never ends good. Especially for the girl.

    Not much of an answer here I know, but just be careful. This seems more of the results of emotion and frustration than careful though. Yes I am highly perceptive! :-)

Most Helpful Girls

  • You are worrying too much. It happens when it does. I'm a virgin, doesn't bother me one bit. It's not a fact that around many people that know me, heck my own mother has asked me at least twice if I was pregnant.

    Go out, have fun. Tell him before you get serious, take precautions and enjoy yourself. It's nothing to be ashamed of, virginity is just something that "is". You can wait, or you can choose not to, its all your choice.

    As for virgins being clingy, well, most virgins don't have much relationship experience and the one thing they never seem to mention in sex ed is the emotional component of sex. You're female, and biologically, your emotions are going to get involved. Which if you aren't prepared for that, can make you clingy. But if you know, you can deal with it. So guys assume virgins get clingy because they are now seeing straight and the girl is the one with the hormone-driven emotions.

    As for feeling undesirable, you need to work that. The status of your virginity has nothing to do with desirability.

  • i am in a similar situation that I only had sex once not with a guy I was in some form of relationship with and I regretted it and decided to not do it again until I am in a relationship. plus I was drunk and I was just kind of having him give it to me, it didn't feel like a real experience. well I dated some guys but no relationships and I turned down sex and now I'm stuck alone and it's not so easy to find mr right and the last guy I dated and I still talk and I'm contemplating getting involved with him and having sex with him because he's not a stranger, I like him and I'm really horny. but I do worry about feeling clingy then again we talk a lot and I've said no to sex when we were dating and he still talks to me then again I'm still scared things would change if he gets it, but it's hard

    honestly iwould advise at least being good friends with the guy because your first time probably won't even be good

  • The older a girl gets and remains a virgin, the higher the chances that she's too emotionally attached to the idea of her virginity and sex

    And most virgin girls who place virginity on such a pedestal do end up clingy...

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 4

  • You are thinking this out way too much but know where you are coming from. I didn't date till 22 due to parents, academics and highly competitive sports. Your time will come with the right guy.

    • What about finding a guy friend to play with so you won't be totally inexperienced? Still save the sex for the right time?

  • I agree that you are making a mountain out of a molehill...Not all are clingy with their first sex...If you have followed my posts, you would know that I have stated on here that I have "successfully avoided virgins"...but that does not mean that I would never..in addition to clingy, I never liked it when the whole town knew she was a virgin..in other words, some girls make a big deal out of it and wear it on their sleeves...and some act like "wouldn't you like to have what I've got?" That is a big turn off...and then virgins would usually take more convincing and work to get them into bed...and might be more reluctant to have the type of sex that I want once I get them there...My advice? Just don't make a big deal out it and you likely have will ZERO problems...(:(:(:

    • @Update...you are FINE! My advice would be to not let the cat out of the bag until right before you have sex...that way the dude should know to take it easier on you but not have time to think it over and get freaked out..after all..this isn't really anyone's business but yours and I admire you for keeping it to yourself...(:(:(:

  • You answered your own question

  • because you never forget your first

  • being a virgin is much worse if you are a guy

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