Guys never see me as 'girlfriend material', what am I doing wrong?

[Shannon18]

Guys never seem to see me as a 'girlfriend' potentially. When guys see me in the street they smile or chat me up but then I find out they just want sex from me. I don't know if it is because i have a big bust and a slim waist and curvy hips. Guys seem to forget I am a person too and I am a good girl. Not a slut or anything. I have had one boyfriend, that was this year. An I'm nineteen years old. The reason I have not had many boyfriends is because I'm quite shy. But when guys don't get laid immediately , they seem to push me out totally. I've never approached a guy as I thought guys like to chase. The guys that do approach me seem to be the jerks that just want sex. Maybe it is just the guys I attract. Which is sad really. I am a caring person and I take pride in how I look and I educate myself at university. This year I've dated four guys. The first one said he was single and then when he tried to have sex with me and failed he told the truth he has a girlfriend. Jerk number two said he wanted a girlfriend and then when he got overly horny around me and he didn't get sex , he told the truth. He said I'm not looking for a girlfriend. An that's because he wants a slut to sleep with. I said to him good luck. He said well it's not hard to find a girl to bang. It made me sick a guy referring to a girl like that. Girls that are sluts can give other girls a bad reputation. Same goes for guys. Anyway guy number three- me and him was in a relationship for four months. It didn't work out and he is the only decent guy I've met. The last guy I dated , this was recently about 3 weeks ago. He only met up with me twice and when he didn't get sex he dropped the line ' your not girlfriend material' but I guess what he really meant is I'm not slut material and he is the one who is not boyfriend material. As when a guy respects a girl he doesn't try to get in her pants day one. Fact, I think so. It did hurt when he said that, but I know I'm a good person. I just question it sometimes. Do I not deserve a good guy , is my love life and future doomed. Or is it just the wrong guys passing my way time and time again!

[TheDigitalSaint]

All guys, including boyfriend material types, want sex from day one. Some of us are just more patient than the rest of us. Also, a lot of girls put out really easily, so when a girl doesn't put out, a guy can think she thinks she's too good for him, or that she doesn't find him attractive. He can assume (sometimes wrongly) that she's probably put out quickly for other guys before, why is she making me wait? This isn't always logical, but that's the way it goes.

Furthermore, when you are passive in not talking to more men, you only have what's left, that is, the guys that approach you first. Girls that want to keep guys around to get them to the boyfriend stage need to be more proactive in showing that you care about them as men, outside of sex. A lot of girls fail to show interest in taking care of guys. How about you cook a potential love interest lunch and bring it to him? Show him you don't mind giving him backrubs? Things like this can help delay (for some time) a guy's desire to have sex.

Just remember, all guys want sex with girls they find attractive, even if they don't know you that well. This includes boyfriend types. Just because most girls can't think this way, doesn't mean that we don't. If you want to keep a guy around, you need to be VERY interested in ways other than sex. Show him that you care about him, or would like to get to know him better outside of the bedroom. That's what makes the difference between a girl who is seen only for sex and one who isn't. That's not going to guarantee that some players are going to be after you, they will be. Combined with you going after more guys yourself and introducing yourself, you'll improve your chances.

[Shannon18]

A girl that 'puts out' easily is desperate and very much a slut. After two dates if a girl has sex that is all she wants and all he wants. As for a real relationship. It takes time to trust and reveal yourself to a significant other. An it doesn't happen immediately, the connection. So in my eyes if people sleep together quick they just want fun. An yes I know a lot of guys want sex. I've said that! It is stupid if a guy thinks cus a girl don't put out she doesn't fancy him.

[Shannon18]

If a girl don't put out quick it means she wants to take it slow and see if there is a potential relationship to come. Also she has respect for herself and does not reveal herself to a guy who at first is a total stranger and therefore no one is to know the true intention of the person they are dating. Which means they are getting to know them as a person. Yes I know a guy would sleep with any girl aslong as she's got a pulse some guys just don't care. An wrong my boyfriend didn't want sex straight away

[Shannon18]

Also what is it with you saying if a women ain't willing to give sex easily they should try very hard with other things. Why should a women cater to a guy who has a high sex drive and has no self control. A guy should show a women that he appreciates her body and her brains not just treating her as a pleasure thing. It works both ways, and arrogant guys with these views are just selfish. If guys want a slut they can get one. Guys who see a girl they don't know and they want sex. Got no standards.

[TheDigitalSaint]

A girl who puts out easily may be desperate, but a lot of girls who do actually want relationships and think that by giving guys sex, they'll come back for more. I'm not saying it is a good strategy, but not every girl that puts out quickly is slutty. I think it is a bad idea, but some girls are misguided. It isn't stupid for a guy to think that a girl doesn't fancy him if she doesn't put out quickly. A lot of guys assume that you've put out for other guys quickly.

[TheDigitalSaint]

A lot of guys view girls just as sex objects. All attractive women are sex objects, like it or not. That doesn't mean that you're not also a human being. If you show you are a nice human being who is giving (outside of sex), you are much better off than a lot of other girls who really are only good for sex. There are a lot of girls that are good at putting out, but honestly, guys can't stand them outside of sex. That's how you differentiate. You can be giving elsewhere.

[Shannon18]

Yeah that's a stupid idea. Some girls are na?ve in thinking if I give him sex we will be together its bullsh*t in most cases. An yeah it would keep them coming back for more sex. It does not mean he wants her as a person. Well guys should not assume and to me it is silly, an it is just a way for a guy to moan about not getting their own way. ' Oh you put out for your ex' yeah because we was in a committed trusting relationship. Not some fling kind of thing. An no girls aren't sex objects at all.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Well, it may be a bad strategy, but it works rarely. Sometimes "rarely" is what girls go off of when they don't think they have anything else to work with. I've seen it happen with several female friends. Once again, it will be a low success rate, but if a girl is convinced she has the magic vagina that will make a man stay, you can't talk her out of it. Silly? Yes. Still, on and on these girls go. lol

[Shannon18]

So attractive men are good for sex then if you can say attractive women are. Its not about attraction for some guys. Some guys are just easy so they want an easy fix to pass the time of day. Most guys do not want commitment at my age so I know I will not be with a guy for a long while. Guys my age are sleaze bags! If a girl puts out quick she is not thinking about long term or maybe she thinks that's the only way for a guy to want to know her which is sad. No basis for a relationship.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Girls are sex objects. That doesn't mean you aren't human beings as well who need a bit of respect and have feels as well. The male brain will always see an attractive woman and want to have sex with her first, then get to know her. That's evolution for you. Most women prefer to get to know a man (due to pregnancy risks prior to the modern age of birth control) before you sleep with him. Men and women aren't right or wrong, we just sometimes have conflicting goals.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Well, you can say that about attractive men if you'd like, but most women aren't as visual as most men. If anything, women are sex objections and men are success objects. Men want the hottest women they can snag (for both ONS's and LTR's) and women want the most successful man they can snag (money, power, social status, good friends, and looks to a much lesser degree). Both men and women objectify each other, just in different areas.

[TheDigitalSaint]

I personally don't think it is in the best interest for girls to put out quickly, if their goal is a lasting relationship. The problem is, in hookup culture, most guys assume that most girls put out quickly for guys they are attracted to. Even patient guys wonder if they are sexually attractive if a girl makes them wait. You can never underestimate the sex drive (and often fragile ego) of a young man, even if he has good intentions. To men, a large part of love is sex.

[Shannon18]

I'm sorry but NO women are not sex objects, it is very rude to say that. Yes by nature guys want to have sex with women but in no way should a women be referred to as an object. It is offensive and very disrespectful for a guy to say and think that. There is more to a relationship then sex, it does not last forever. It is trivial for a person to focus on that only !well if they find a woman that wants sex first good luck! Women deserve more than a 'bit' of respect also! We deserve a lot more.

[Shannon18]

Well if a large part of attraction is love, then sex shouldn't happen immediately. As love takes time! Yes I would like to say that men are sex objects! Not nice is it aha. Women and men are successful. Women go through way more in life and men have no idea what we go through. They have it easier for sure! Fact! Just cus a guy is hot don't mean a girl must shag them on the first date. That's trashy end of! Guys must be insecure in that respect. Guys should stop assuming them its silly.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Lets say you and all other girls had no identifiable female body cues. Or, lets pretend men had zero sex drive. The desire to spend time chasing after girls would drop like a rock. Sex, if not the primary reason, is going to be a top 3 reason for why men chase girls. Always has been, always will be. Girls will continue to objectify men when it comes to status and emotional availability, hence cleb crushes and wanting to seek long-term relationships. We are both objectified, just in different way

[TheDigitalSaint]

I don't think it is constructive to suggest that one group has it easier than the other. You just have to understand what the other group's primary motivation is for being with you and not be resentful for their urges. For instance, I am fairly successful financially, but have recently had some hard times finding new business. Less girls find me attractive if they know that. It is harsh, but it doesn't mean that their underlying urges are wrong. That's why I'm working hard to bounce back.

[Shannon18]

Yeah your right in that respect. I just do not agree with your other comments at all! Anyway thanks for commenting! I have nothing further to say! It is clear what jerks guys are so I will stay well clear of such disrespectful and selfish people!

[TheDigitalSaint]

No need to get down on yourself. Just be forthcoming up front in what you expect in a relationship and realize that most guys your age won't want that. You already proved through your other boyfriend that there are guys out there like that, even if they are hard to find. If you or other girls don't reward guys like that (or seek out guys like that) there will be even more jerks. You get back what you put in. The same applies for both guys and girls. Good luck! :)

[Shannon18]

I did reward my ex as he was decent. I doubt there are any others to be honest. I certainly won't be down on myself as I'm a good person and guys are totally into themselves and they just want to take, take , take and not give. An no need for the advice about being forthcoming as I am forthcoming all the time. Guys just lie to me and I'm smart enough to know what they are up to so then they are caught out they escape. Absolutely disgraceful. An yeah good luck to you with these views.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Most people are selfish, both guys and girls. Of course, guys will think girls are only that way and girls will think only guys are that way. The perception that you have to deal with as a girl of all guys, or most guys, being awful is that most guys believe that most girls put out fairly quickly in modern culture. That's not necessarily true, but people believe a lot of stuff that isn't true. A good relationship requires you to pass over many guys (and girls) who aren't right for you.

[Shannon18]

Kool!

[kholland65]

There is a lot of truth to this. Girls are becoming too passive in all areas of dating. Probably part of the reason, at least from the guys side of the court, that we feel there is no use it trying to get anything more than sex from a girl, because we feel at the end of the day, its all we'll get from a relationship anymore, plus more work. Girl just don't feel any obligation anymore to do things for their BF's.

[TheDigitalSaint]

@ kholland: That's part of the reason why I recommend girls put in more effort in showing they like a guy besides sex. It won't completely kill a man's sex drive, but he can at least see that the girl is trying to make an investment in him beyond sex, if a relationship is really her ultimate goal. Any girl with a vagina can provide sex, but few girls can provide the caring and loving behavior that great girlfriends make. Failing to understand the difference just leads to "all guys are jerks!"

[Shannon18]

I am a loving person. So no matter how many times you say about showing love and care. It does not matter. I showed it a lot with my ex but some things don't work out forever. The reality is girls give sex easily (some) therefore guys will easily bin off girls who want commitment. As other girls make themselves known by putting out. A guy has a high sex drive so they are fulfilling that. An to me a lot of guys are JERKS' I'm not wrong with that. The ones I've met they are jerks!endof

[TheDigitalSaint]

I'm not going to guarantee you'll get what you want 100% of the time. Despite my best efforts, sometimes my relationships don't work out either. The only thing that both guys and girls can do is just keep trying. A lot of guys are put off by more slutty girls, but often times girls don't believe these guys exist. Like most things, it works both ways.

[Shannon18]

Yeah don't think they exist in younger guys. An I suppose. Thanks

[kholland65]

"I've never approached a guy as I thought guys like to chase. The guys that do approach me seem to be the jerks that just want sex."

That's all the more reasons I encourage girls to approach men. In today's world, usually the guys whoa re aggressive enough to approach a girl cold are the same guys who are aggressive enough to try and just get laid and kick her to the curb. All the guys who are sitting in the corner not saying a word are the ones who you should be dating.

Your probably just very attractive which many guys translate into slut. Even if its a classy attractive type look. Guys know that hot girls know they can get sex whenever they want and they usually do.

Trust me, this goes both ways. If I had a dollar every time I was into a girl and then found out all she wanted was a quick f*** and cuddle buddy and not a BF, I'd be a rich man. The fact of the matter is, the 2nd guy you dated, wasn't really wrong. Today there are so many guys and girl who will f*** anything that moves just because they can. As a result it ruins the reputation of the rest of their gender because their the ones who are making themselves known to the opposite gender.

[Shannon18]

Well being shy is a problem for me, hence why approaching guys doesn't come naturally! An I agree I should be dating the ones that aren't so in my face, maybe they are more genuine. I've been told I'm beautiful, gorgeous sexy etc but I don't believe that. I could get sex like now, but I don't want that. Yeah I believe some girls can be just as bad. Yes the last statement very true, if some girls weren't so slutty guys may try to have good relationships before rushing into quick sex

[Shannon18]

Truth is Men are frustrated with women because they never want sex. Women are frustrated with men because they always want sex. Women blame men they don't know how to love. Men blame women that they only talk about love but don't want to make it.

[kholland65]

"I've been told I'm beautiful, gorgeous sexy etc but I don't believe that". This is your and many other girls' problem. Many women lack confidence and are very self conscious. As a result, you push away the good guys. When they actually compliment you and treat you right, you assume he must just be manipulating you because in your mind his statements aren't true. Yeah there are some guys who will lie just to get in your pants, so it hard to tell the difference, If you know what to look for its

[kholland65]

not all that hard. But that's a separate issue that I would be happy to discuss over messages. I know how it feels to be shy. I'm a bit shy myself. When I do eventually break the ice with someone, I'm a social butterfly. I'm just not good an randomly approaching strangers. I will say this though, guys are easier to "pick up" than girls. Especially considering you're attractive. 9/10 guys will respond positively enough if nothing but junk is coming out of our mouth.

[kholland65]

It sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders & I encourage you to stick to your guns. There are guys out there who would kill for a girl like you, me being one of them. People like us are rare, but that doesn't mean they aren't out there. It just means people like you and me will unfortunately spend more time than we would like being single, but when we do find the right person & get married, I guarantee, we'll be the ones still happy at 65 while our peers are all divorced

[Shannon18]

No good guys have come my way, not that I know of anyway. Yh hard to determine whether people are serious when they say certain things. Yeah can't approach strangers I would feel like a beg or desperate person especially if I would be ignored. Yh people say guys wouldn't ignore a girl but girlsdo that to guys. I did myself to a jerk though. Yeah I'm a good genuine person. An aw but girls like me may be called frigid or boring. I'm not though I've snogged and done stuff with a guy. Thanks

[kholland65]

"Yeah can't approach strangers I would feel like a beg or desperate person especially if I would be ignored." welcome to the life of a man. We don't have a choice otherwise we'll be lonely the rest of our lives. Be lucky you have the excuse of being a women. You never have to take a risk when it comes to dating and can still end up on top.

[Shannon18]

Yeah I can see how hard it is for a guy in that respect. A guy approached me twice, he had real guts. Even after I ignored him the first time (unintentionally) using the shy thing as that's honestly what made me freeze up and run away from talking to him. I rate him for doing that. The second time he used a chat up line and I laughed and responded. Then he didn't bother since. When he sees me he smiles, waves and around his mates he is all nervous and fidgety. He stares wen he sees me always!:)

[canuckfarmgirl]

You aren't doing anything wrong. Actually, you are doing really well. You aren't giving in. As the guys already pointed out, guys want sex and if they approach you, that is their ultimate goal.

You do have work up to approaching guys yourself. That's not chasing them. A smile and a short conversation is a way of expressing interest on your part. Standing there and waiting will really limit your options.

Basically these guys found out that getting you in bed is going to be a lot harder than they thought. They don't want to spend that time, so they move on and to cover their tracks, they tell you that you aren't girlfriend material.

At this age, guys are less interested in the long term and they can get sex rather easily. Just be patient and put some more effort into getting to know other guys. I'm basically in the same situation. I've stopped counting the number of offers for a one night stand I've had.

[Shannon18]

Thanks I thought I wasn't doing anything wrong just guys being horny jerks. No self control. Yeah I wish I could approach guys myself as guys that approach me do not care. As they only have one thing in mind so they got nothing to loose lol. Yeah they realized she ain't giving it up anytime soon, so they just left. I know guys my age are out for what they can get , if the girl ain't moving how they want. They up and leave and get it elsewhere. An same it makes me feel violated, sad really :(

[canuckfarmgirl]

You aren't doing anything wrong. Trust me, I know how you feel. I was the designated driver for my guy friends this weekend... as a thank you they brought home two other girls and then they complained because I turned the music up, so did not need to hear that. The guys do wake up at some point and that's when girls like you and me have a better chance.

[Shannon18]

Thanks :)yeah guys take much longer to grow up. I'm not waiting or ever hoping of meeting a great guy. I'm just going to be single and not even give a guy the time of day. Guys my age won't mind that anyway! Cus I'm not going to put out like hoe lol. So just going to enjoy life without the presence of any guy. I feel like I would be happier without a guy to make me feel guilty or unwanted.

[kheserthorpe]

Every girl on the planet has more guys who are interested in having sex with her then dating her.

That's nothing odd.

[Shannon18]

I know it's nothing odd, so no need to put it so bluntly. As that is not my problem. Problem is I'm seen as a piece of meat and not as someone who deserves care and a relationship.

[Anonymous]

All of us want sex really really bad. Some of us can show patience, control, and respect...while others...like in your case must get sex before you're girlfriend material. Look for the guys who ACT like they don't want sex.

[Shannon18]

Yes that is clear. Some guys have no self control. My ex was the only one that had patience. It's silly that some guys need sex before as what if after they don't want the girl. It would be humiliating. An yeah I will. Very rare to find though. Kind of think I should give up.

[Opinion Owner]

Don't give up. There are more good guys out there than you might think. Just be patient yourself...and move slow.

[Shannon18]

Hard not to :( had so many knockbacks. An no guy to love or to love me. I feel like a big gap in my life. I'm patient and I move very slow it's just that now I don't think I could ever be with a guy or trust them.

[Opinion Owner]

You can try dating sites. It doesn't take long before you'll be able to read a profile and get a good idea what type of person they are.. and how they think etc.

[Shannon18]

No I find the internet can be unsafe and guys can be misleading. Thanks anyway. I will be single for forever at this rate but its fine.

[kholland65]

"Look for the guys who ACT like they don't want sex." This statement is money. The guy who LOOK like they don't want sex, are usually the ones who are more concerned with getting a Girlfriend than getting his d*** wet. It's not that they don't want sex, they just don't show it because of fear of looking like the 3 guys you just mentioned in your question. The problem is girls don't find those types of guys attractive, they come off as more of friends, as opposed to lovers.

[Shannon18]

The guy you describe sort of sounds like my ex. Although I loved him, I think we was better off as friends. No chemistry in the end.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah mr. holland you're right. Most girls pick the wrong guy to marry first. But after they wisen up a bit...they pick the guy who acts like he doesn't want sex for husband #2..lol.

[Shannon18]

Girls are wise, guys are the ones who act like lieing a**holes. I don't believe a girl picks the wrong guy to marry first. I think women are smart enough to realize when a guy is a douche, way before marriage is even brought up lol. I advise girls my age steer clear of high testosterone men and just be single have fun. No guy is worth crying or being sad over FACT#!

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sorry...but reality says women are not very wise. They agree to marry a guy..but 98% of the time women are the ones who file for divorce...and then they are 83% more likely to divorce their 2nd husband! Coo coo!

[Shannon18]

Reality does not say that. There's no foundings to back what you say up. Just because women decide that the man in their life is no good then why the hell not divorce the lieing cheating scumbags (MOST MEN) if anything men are not wise as they always think they can't get away with acting like jerks. Just because women marry a guy and it doesn't work out don't mean their now wise. People live and learn and the wise thing to do is to wisen up and realize that some men are no good.

[Shannon18]

An the women you refer to, that is not every woman so your claims are not worthy at all. Not in every marriage, the woman says she wants a divorce. Not every woman marries the wrong man first time around. It sounds like your on about stupid celebs that do publicity stunts. That's not my kind of reality. Being wise is making the right decision about something. The not wise thing to do is to continue to be with someone when it does not work. Your sexist views aha. Must be an American:/

[Opinion Owner]

I didn't say every woman...just 98% of them. Don't make me show you the statistics.The divorce rate has been over 50% for 30 yrs. There is a reason woman overwhelmingly file for divorce more than men. Why? Do the women give up too soon in the marriage...or do most women pick jerks for their first marriage? Then statistics say...they don't learn from their mistakes in their second marriage. Statistics don't lie. The #1 cause for divorce is money problems.

[Shannon18]

Statistics don't mean nothing! No-ones interested in that and it is so damn irrelevant to my question. You can think whatever you like, I don't care what you say or think. Nobody really knows a person until they get to know them, so saying women pick jerks is not the case. I'm not in the statistics, I don't care who is. No-one on this page has mentioned this as it does not matter at all. So stop nattering on about nonsense that is just boring!your view does not matter bye!

[Opinion Owner]

The reason guys don't see you as girlfriend material...is because you are not. You are not respectful...sweet, kind, or classy. You seem very immature, rude, impatient,disrespectful, and self centered. You have very bad judgement when it comes to guys, and you clearly cannot learn from your mistakes because you're so stubborn. If and when you find a guy who doesn't leave because he can't pound you after the 5th date...then you might have found a good one.

[Shannon18]

Just 'LOL' you don't know me so what you say is just RUBBISH! BYE go away. You've never met me. You know nothing. Just getting bitter cus I don't want to hear your bullsh*t. Can't spot this jerk a mile off. Erghh

[Shannon18]

This makes me laugh so hard. Cheers for the joke cus it is so funny! How the hell would you know if I'm impatient or classy etc. What a fool! Your making a judgement because you didn't like what I said aha. Thing is it will never be valid as we've never met, and we are messaging over the internet jerk. F***off - about telling me about my mistakes. Who do you think you are idiot! You sound like a patronising a**hole. Just like the ones I mention. Make me sick! Now do one.

[dan87]

there is nothing that would make you think she isn't good girlfriend material except her words, you are judging her by what you she is saying and you don't have the right because you have never met the girl, I don't think she is the problem, its people like you and comments like these that make her lose faith in mankind, literally

[Shannon18]

So true dan :)lost faith in all men! Single life all the way. Yeah he don't have the right at all. He reminds me of so many guys I've met omg aha. Cheers dan x

[Opinion Owner]

Dan..thanks for having the ability to disagree without completely losing your mind, and flipping out.I can tell by the way she talks that she gets easily angered...and has a very bad attitude. I based my commets off of her responses. Clearly as you can see...she has no self control.When she grows up...maybe we can have a civil discussion about her boy issues. I've took the time to write a response to help her out, but she can't take constructive criticism.

[Shannon18]

I don't get angry over people I do not know saying crap about me. It's pointless as no-one can make a real judgement over someone they know nothing about. You call me rude. Read what you said. You are very rude. I am just defending myself!I have self control thanks. You have no right to have any criticism when you do not know me ! I can talk to dan about my issues, I don't wish to discuss anything with you. Thanks for your advice !

[Opinion Owner]

I was trying to help you out. I never intended to come off as mean. This forum is for giving you advice..whether its advice you want to hear or not. Someone giving you an opinion just because its what you want to hear...does not help you. Good luck in finding a real man. Next time some punk tells you you're not girlfriend material...tell him "I'm looking for a man, not a boy...so I guess you're not boyfriend material".

[Shannon18]

Ok well I didn't get that impression straight away. An it does not matter don't worry. I don't hold grudges. I just get defensive when a person slagged me off the way you did. I'm only human, everyone has that side to them unless there a robot. Yeah advice is fine, but I don't think you gave proper advice. It was more of a dig at me which wasn't very nice. I'm not a horroble person and I am girlfriend material. Guys I've met were not nice, so for you to say no wonder they say that. Not nice. Nm

[Opinion Owner]

Best of Luck to you :)

[Shannon18]

Cheers, not looking for love anymore. I'm young, free and single. Plenty of time to meet the right guy. But I won't be making that my main aim, I have in the past. Just focusing on my career. Might be best considering I failed a year in uni because of relationship problems me and my ex had. Anyway take care. All the best to you too!

[Opinion Owner]

Thank You!