Is it normal for girls to be afraid of penetration? As a guy, would you work with them through their problems?

[Anonymous]

I read a few questions about girls being afraid of penetration of any kind (even tampons). I have the same issue. I have never been raped or anything traumatic. I'm a virgin and I'm not in a relationship or anything but I already know that my future partner is going to have a hard time with me when the time comes. Would this be a huge turn-off? Would you work with the girl through her problems? Why does it seem like girls are more afraid of sex than guys? I mean, I've heard of guys being worried about how they'll perform but not of the actual sex.

[HandsomeRaj]

To begin with don't worry much on that account. There are MANY MORE women than you realize who have the same problem. So it's cool cause most of them don't feel the pain but pleasure after they've done it :)

Yes at times it can be a huge turnoff. But If I love the woman enough and it's not a one night stand kind of thing then I'd stand by her till she overcomes her fear and so would quite a few men I'm sure.

Psychologically speaking it's the woman who is being penetrated, the man is seen historically as the one without mercy etc hence, the fear of penetration (I'm no psycholoigist though)

Guys are made in a certain way by nature and so are women. What you are wondering is almost equivalent to wondering 'why don't guys get pregnant' 'why they don't grow b**bs' etc.

The man generally has been made the dominiant species with senses generally aroused 1st by physical forms whereas the woman has been made the non dominant species even if not feeble in the mind who too gets aroused / inspired by physical form but a woman looks at things emotionally, sentimentally and futuristically (generally) before thinking of sex.

Man is the guy who has to control ejaculation etc thus requires to perform to satisfy his woman whereas the woman doesn't need to endure physically to perform and satisfy the man for basics. Hence, the men are the ones who have performance anxiety.

A woman does not feel complete with mere penetration and sex since for her sex is more than just sex (that's how a woman is made), the man has to endeavor to know which are her XXX zones etc and on the other hand a man is generally satisfied with penetrative sex and/or oral sex.

These may not hold right for all since there are exceptions but in general.

[HandsomeRaj]

It all depends on various factors. If I really like the girl then I'll make sure I spend time (as in even months) making her comfortable and wanting it before we do it.

yes it takes sensitivity to tolerate that. Not all guys understand that girls are afraid. They may be more intent on finishing the job for themselves.

Sensitivity is shown when the guy has feelings for the girl not when it's a one off fling.

Taking it slow and make several attempts may sound good but again there are times when the more you prolong the more you tend to increase the feeling of being scared of it. I've known women who have just forced it and gotten over with it of their own accord and they have awesome sex lives today. :)

[G-Daz]

Should not be a problem for him at all if he cares about you and wants more from you then just you're p****. I'm sure he will love to be your first, why wouldn't he? Most guys virgin or not find that hot.

No it shouldn't piss him of or even bother him if he did care about you then he should be prepared to work around it. Maybe to only eat you out the first couple of times then progressively over time try to penetrate you. If the guy feels the same about you it should also be a big deal to him aswell.

To the update id say take it slow and gentle to avoid it hurting afterward to much. Unless you'd be prepared to potential be teared...

[TrailOfTears]

I have actually worked to help a girl on here get past her fears. She was raped once and that left large mental scars which she wanted to overcome for her new boyfriend. It took some time to slowly make her feel at ease again but she manged in the end much thanks to her wonderful boyfriend who was with her all the way. It was very rewarding to see her improve.

Sometimes it takes allot of time and effort to help but I have a strong sense of wanting to help people so I am just happy to be there for someone no matter how long it takes. Hopefully your future boyfriend will share that with me.

Guys rarley hurt themselves during sex and they don't have someone else in them so to speak. It give rise to another kind of mentality. Instead of being afraid OF sex we become afraid we are not enough either physically or experience wise.

[Asker]

Girls can hurt themselves O_O like other than the first time? Tell me more

[TrailOfTears]

This is on a girl to girl basis but if a guy is too forceful and don't give the girl time and foreplay it could hurt. For a guy this is never a problem but for a girl it will decide if you can enjoy sex or not. I have heard of guys that can't even enter their girlfriends if they are not ready. Foreplay and general atmosphere is key to good sex.

[Asker]

I know you're not a girl but would you happen to know what's hurting when a guy is too forceful? I have never even used a tampon so I don't even know what it feels like to have anything inside.

[TrailOfTears]

As you said I am not a girl but I would imagine it is because of two things. Relaxation and lubrication. A woman is very sensetive down there so if she is not wet enough and otherwise ready (would imagine the body prepairs itself in other ways too) it becomes more of a rubbing action then a slide in and out which could make the girl either feel very uncomfortable or even hurt. The relaxation part is not a cause as much as it makes it worse. If you tense up you increese the resistence.

[TrailOfTears]

Suppose the closest similarity I can draw is massage. They both use lubrication and relaxation to create pleasure which would otherwise be very strange and not at all pleasant.

[Mr-Blob]

Ofcourse we will be patient with you, I mean if your my Girlfriend I would obviously have feelings for you which I won't just throw away because of your fear.

I think it's perfectly normal feeling the way you are, when the time comes you'll be ready, and I'd suggest going slow.

"To force is to rape"

[taster]

Any time a woman is not mentally ill or an utter b*tch, yes I have always been patient...(:(:(:

[Anonymous]

Personally I would help her work through it if she was my girlfriend. I think it's normal you're afraid of penetration if you haven't tried it yet. I would not eve try penetrating a girl like you until we both had been doing oral on each other for a few weeks and then I would start really small with just my pinky finger while I gave oral and slowly over weeks I would work her up to my middle finger and then two fingers.

[Opinion Owner]

In response to your update: No I would not be mad if a girl kept changing her mind at the last minute but it would be sexually frustrating after getting so turned on and not being able to continue. I would ask for her to rub my penis until I came probably or else I would need to go to the bathroom to finish myself off.