Should I stay with my girlfriend who can't have sex?

I'm not sure if I should break up with my girlfriend. I may be going to college and my girlfriend has vaginismus. It's an anxiety disorder which makes sex impossible. We've been dating for over two and a half years and never had sex, only oral. We try to fix it (its 100% treatable with practice and stretch exercises. I read it can be treated in 3-6 months and we haven't made much progress after trying for 2 years. Also she was my first girlfriend and I'm still a virgin which makes me mad because I'm way too good looking to be a 20 year old virgin. I lift weights every day and have a great body and handsome face. I really love my girlfriend so much however I don't even look forward to being sexual with her because it always ends up with me jerking off. Also I know I can't marry her because she is nervous all the time and my job is very high risk so it just wouldn't work out. It's my first girlfriend and I'm always fantasizing about other chicks who I could hook up with if I wanted. I would never cheat on my girlfriend so that's out of the question. What would you suggest I do?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • I hate to quote dr. phil ...he says that anything said before a 'but' statement should be dismissed and that what comes after it is the truth so here's what's the truth " I don't even look forward to being sexual with her because it always ends up with me jerking off. Also I know I can't marry her because she is nervous all the time and my job is very high risk so it just wouldn't work out. It's my first girlfriend and I'm always fantasizing about other chicks who I could hook up with if I wanted. I would never cheat on my girlfriend so that's out of the question." I disregard everything you said before the 'but' (ie your however) it sounds like you've put a lot into this relationship but it's just too much work for you. That you're done trying and you just want out and this is your excuse to get out there and be single. You don't have to tell her that it's because she can't have sex just tell her that if you really loved her that you'd be willing to stick this out but that since you're so restless you've realized that this isn't the kind of love that she deserves and that you've realized that what you really want is just to be single. That's really what's coming here and you need to own that and let her go without BLAMING her because you don't want to stick it out through the hard times, which is what relationships are really about, you aren't mature enough for it at this point.

  • sex is an important part of a relationship, it sounds as if you have grown apart, simple as that; it happens to the best of us. Baed on the information provided it doesn't seem as if you are working towards anything and it is time to break-up, it is for the best and for both of you. You no longer want the same things and you are past the point of successfully working it out, you owe that to the both of you. I'm not going to sit up here and call you names, that doesn't really help anything. Some of the points you made are a bit selfish, but last time I checked we all have our vices and as a 19 year old I know that sometimes I can be self-centered, we mature as we grow, that is perfectly normal. I don't doubt that you love your girl friend, but you are not IN love with her, there is a difference between loving someone and being IN love WITH them. Who can expect you to feel the same way at 20 that you did when you met her at 18? Of course you want different things, you shouldn't be faulted for that. I'm sure in the next 2 years you will again be looking for something different than you are now, values and priorities change, I wish you both the best

    • *Based not Baed

  • You're being selfish, in my opinion. I don't have a sexual condition, but I do have anxiety and depression. If my significant other broke up with me, because of something that was kind of out of my control, I would be really hurt.

    I don't know the whole story, but basing off of what you said... Do HER the favor and end this relationship. You said yourself, you can't picture yourself marrying her. Why prolong the relationship, if you aren't in it for the long haul? After all, you are "too good looking to be a virgin", right? *rolls eyes*

Most Helpful Guys

  • I'd stay with her if I loved her. Sounds like she's your puppy dog love, though.

    One thing I will say is if you break up with her over her condition it'll probably ruin her next decade of relationships because she'll never have the confidence to date other guys.

    • I'm not breaking up with her over her condition, if I did break up with her, it would be because she hasn't made a real effort to fix her problem. It's 100% treatable with no medication needed at all.

    • Well try seeing it from her perspective. She's never enjoyed sex before. She doesn't know what she's missing out on. All she knows when she thinks about sex is how painful it is. Imagine if she really enjoyed eating raw oysters and you hated it. It made you nauseous every single time you tried it. But she reallllllly wanted you to like them too. Would you keep eating them even if you kept throwing up? Not everyone has the same tolerance for pain. Some women are more fragile than others.

    • Awww :)

  • You sound like a d***. If you're asking if you should break up with a girl on GaG then chances are you want to and therefore you should. She deserves better anyway.

    • Sacrifice is a two way street. I've been patient with her for two years over something that could be fixed in 4 months and she makes very little effort to work on her problems. Also sex isn't the only thing in a relationship but it is important. Your ignorant to think its not important.

    • One thing I'm not sure you're realizing is that everyone is different. Just because some people can solve this problem in a matter of months doesn't mean every single person can. It's possible that your girlfriend could be trying harder, but it's also possible that it's simply a longer process for her than it has been for others. And I doubt your impatience is making it any easier on her. You HAVE waited a long time, but I think if you truly loved her, you wouldn't be quite as resentful.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Maybe she is so nervous because she doesn't want to disappoint you. Maybe she is afraid of it being painful. I think you should just let this poor girl go so she can move on to someone who will have time and patience to help her get pass her condition. You just sound like a horn dog that wants a quick nut. Your young it's not like you will never get any. So pour some cold water on your self and calm the Hell down.

    • She barely made any effort and I made much more effort than her for this issue. Two years is a long time to wait for a problem that takes about 4-5 months to fix. Your ignorant so don't judge.

    • Ok, if we are all so ignorant then why the Hell are you on this site asking for ignorant peoples advice?

    • There's nothing like someone who doesn't know the difference between "your" and "you're" calling people ignorant. I hate to be snarky, but if there's one thing that bothers me, it's people throwing the word "ignorant" around that way.

  • If you know you can't marry her, and marriage is your ultimate goal, then I don't know what you're waiting around for in the first place. And it definitely sounds like you're losing patience. I would advise some people to stick it out, but it doesn't seem like that's the right choice here. You know it'll end anyway, so you may as well not waste any more of your time or hers.

    • It doesn't seem like you are happy being committed to her, and it also doesn't seem like you even fully understand what type of commitment you think you are making. Those are both bad signs, so I definitely recommend that you end it in this situation.

  • depends how much you love her. I could only imagine how hard that is for you and her. if you can't marry her then you might as well end end it. otherwise your wasting her time and urs.

  • You don't love her, break up with her ass and move on to someone who will f*** you. If you loved her you wouldn't have said you don't plan on marrying her.

    • I do lover her but I'm smart enough to know that we are too different of people to share lives together (ie she wants kids, I don't) and she wants to marry young, I don't. The divorce rate is 50% and it not because people marry people they don't love, it's because they think love is the only aspect in marriage that matters (I do think it is the most important aspect however far from the only aspect).

    • Love also means compromising what you both want which means you would still be open to the idea of kids because she would like to have them. Quit the bulls sit if you lobed her you would not be on here talk I g about all of this with strangers. You wouldn't be complaining about not being able to have sex because she has a disorder.

  • lol. you sound like an ass. cut her loose so the right guy can make her feel comfortable enough to have sex.

    BYE SUCKAH!

  • why did you ask this question...you seemed to answer it already.

    • I agree with you. It is a waste of peoples time.

  • Lol, I wouldn't call that love. The fact that you're considering leaving her because of a sexual condition speaks for itself.

  • You sound like a douche, bro.

  • This condition is unique to every woman's experience and is directly related to her mentality. That said, you were fed the wrong information.

    This condition doesn't have a time frame. It could take months and it could take years. Understand that now, or please, break up with her. You really don't deserve her if you won't dig deeper into understanding her and this state of anxiety. I'm not judging you. I'm being straight up with you.

  • Great job making all men look like selfish, disgusting pigs.

    Leave her, you’ll be doing a favor; an a**hole like you can be outranked.

    • her condition is hard on both people, him and her. can you imagine being with som1 who couldn't be touched? like rogue from X-Men not that simple

    • jpinka, no it's not that simple. You are being dramatic as hell.It's not that she can't be touched at alll, she just struggles feeling comfortable enough to have sex and with such an a**hole as a boyfriend, I don't blame her