Sexual Health
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Most guys like anal sex a lot or it's just my boyfriend? what should I do?

My boyfriend made me did it. ( it was the first time doing anal for both of us) He loved it but I didn't like it at all it hurt like hell, I told him how I felt but after the first time we did it, every time we have sex he'd try to do that. I do as he says most of the time because I love him but now I feel all he wants to do is anal. There is no pleasure for me from that at all. What should I do to make sex enjoyable for both of us again? (sex was very enjoyable before we tried anal, at least for me) How to refuse it without turning him off or hurting his feelings?
0 2

Most Helpful Girls

  • I do as he says"...Why? He is not doing as you say. He is not putting pleasure, comfort, etc. first or even equal to his. This is a lack of respect and he is showing his dominance over you. Now, if you want him to always be in charge of your sex life, and possible other areas of your life, by all means, continue on. But you should not be doing things that hurt/harm you. There are things we all do that we may not like so much sometimes to please our mates, but pain not for pleasure is a very different thing. He is disregarding your feelings.

    Talk about this outside of the bedroom, not when you are in there. That's a bad place to bring it up. Just tell him that you have talked to him about it before & you do not feel he has listened to you or cared about your feelings. Now you want to make yourself clear. If he says it's a must on his list, and you say it isn't on your list, then you both may need to walk away. That is OK. Better now then later. I know you love him, but you have to look at what is really happening here & decide if he is willing to consider your feelings, and if he follows through with it.

  • he shouldn't of pressured you into it , and to start you should of first expanded the hole slightly , used lots of lube and then get him to go in you very slowly but only a little bit and then get further and further in and maybe stop and try again some other time , it does take time and practice but you shouldn't do it at all if it discomforts you and you dislike it and it hurts you , if he knows you dislike it then he shouldn't do it against your will , and keep on telling him that , and say that you prefer normal sex and it hurts you to do anal , and suggest other things or try and do it but how I explained so it won't hurt , so then you both might enjoy it , maybe it was just initiated the wrong way ( to quick , to hard not enough lube etc) maybe if done the right way you will enjoy it and it will feel pleasurable , but if you still don't want to do it , then don't , he should understand that you simply don't like it and it hurts you so keep on explaining that to him he should understand and simply get over it . hope this helped :)

  • You need to tell him how you feel. If its not enjoyable and hurting you then you should stop and have this talk with him. Then you either need to go more slowly and see if it can become more enjoyable for you over time or you need to be assertive and tell him if you don't want to do it anymore. If he is rude or disrespectful over that then you need to find a new boyfriend. Its okay to want different things and do things to please your partner but if they are selfish or disrespectful that's not okay and they don't deserve any kind of sex from you.

    Like already said, sex is for both of your pleasure or at least pleasing one another equally.

Most Helpful Guys

  • You have options. One is to find another boyfriend. That's the most straightforward. Failing that, ask him to forgo anal though as one who also really enjoys it, I doubt that will meet with much success. The best idea might be to learn to enjoy it. Doing that requires him to be patient and careful. I have dated several women who didn't like anal until I helped them, as it were. Use lube but not a whole lot. A big mess doesn't make it any more comfortable. He needs to agree to lay perfectly still until you tell him he can move. Have him spoon up behind you. Take his erection and place it against your anus. Then push back firmly with constant pressure. It will take awhile but eventually your sphincter will relax and he can enter without undue discomfort on your part. Push back until he is fully inside you. Then slide him out and do it again. It will be much easier the second time. Once you learn how to relax, it's likely it won't hurt and will probably be enjoyable. Good luck.

  • I don't like like or do anal intercourse at all, although anal fingering as a part of foreplay is on the menu.

    If it hurts or is unsatisfying, tell him you do not want to do it again. Tell him is about pain and discomfort, not about his skill.

    If it comes between you, let him go. There will be other things, sexual and non-sexual, that he will want to make you accept in the future.

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What Girls & Guys Said

5 14

  • He clearly has no respect for you and he doesn't love you girl. I mean if he's willing to put his pleasure before your pain? That's just flat out wrong

  • tell him honestly that you derive no enjoyment from it what so ever... if he cares about you this should be enough for him to stop it.

    • also maybe suggest that if he wants to continue with it, that he should try some pegging (you do him with a strap on) and then see how he likes it with the tables turned :)

  • wether he likes it or not is not the issue here. The issue is that he pressures you into doing it and doesn't respect your feelings. How can you make sex enjoyable again? - leave him

  • If I told my man no he better respect me and not continue to be selfish and pus, if he can't respect your wishes he doesn't deserve you

  • I LOVE it, but then again I'm into a lot of different things. Also I'm a giver more than a taker, so I wouldn't find it sexy giving anal if she isn't enjoying herself either.

    There are plenty of other ways to have great sex, he can live without it if it makes you uncomfortable. Go ahead and tell him how you feel with all sincerity. I would be mind-blown if he gets upset over THAT.

  • If he truly is a guy who thinks more of you than just a f*ck machine for him, he would respect your wishes of skipping the anal and enjoy the rest of your sexual experiences. I'd tell him NO on the anal and if he persists send him packing.

  • Tell him how you feel. Tell him it's not enjoyable for you. If it doesn't bother you too much, say anal is for special occasions. Or, try lube. I hear that helps. But also, keep in mind anal is not good for you...your ass is not meant to take a d***. Not saying it's wrong for people to do it, it's just something to keep in mind so it's not an everyday thing

    • That may be true, but with loving care, a woman's ass hole can turn into a second vag -- maybe even a better one. It as all about time, patience, loving care and knowledge. When she is coming a lot with a cock in her ass, perspectives change fast. I mean come on. It is your ass hole. It moves every time you cum. Like in doggy in pussy? Every guy has watched the girls ass hole go * O * O * O during her cum. Right guys? Some get the idea to put dick in there. Some don't. But I think many do.

  • You have to tell him! Sex is for both of you. It's always best when you both tell each other what you like and what you don't. Half the fun is discovering it together.

  • I don't know if most guys like it a lot. Many do. Its not just your bf.

    On the other hand, most guys want to satisfy their partners as well.

    How often do you have sex? Does he always initiate it? Do you ever ask for what you want or try for it?

  • You are probably clenching off -- which is natural. It will never work that way. Read up on how do it right. You have to take a few steps back, but it should be just as good for you as him moving forward. Look up The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women on Amazon.

  • Personally, I think the only way you can make him stop trying to do anal is if you convince him to let you do anal to HIM.

    If he refuses, then say that's exactly how it is for you, so he should stop.

    Otherwise, it's pretty messed up he doesn't really care how it hurts you and you don't enjoy it at all. If you've told him that already and that didn't work (you should if you haven't), then you should resort to a measure of this kind to make him understand what you're going through - because he doesn't.

  • I have never had anal sex and never plan to...however that has never been requested...if it were might have to rethink...but the idea does not stimulate me...University of Indiana's Sex Survey would indicate that anal is not nearly as popular as some would have us believe...scroll halfway down and click on Sexual Behavior Graph...

    link

  • He's only asking for anal sex, come let that man have that asshole! Even if it hurts it's your job to satisfy him

  • just say I'm sorry baby I don't like that kind of sex,it really hurts me so please don't try to do that again

    • and of course it's clear he is selfish

  • If you allow someone to treat you like that then honestly you deserve what you get.if you don't like it stop doing it and tell him why.stop being weak and scared of your own damn boyfriend.that's why you're with a guy who doesn't respect you because you have none for yourself if you allow yourself to be treated that way

  • Say that he is doing it wrong since it hurts for you and until he learns how to do it no anal. You have the right to bluntly say "No". Sex is supposed to be a mutual experience.

  • I do it with my girlfriend but she cleans out with lots of water then uses lots of lube. I enjoy it but if she did not then I would not do it with her. Break up with him if he keeps insisting.

  • never had anal and I don't think I ever want to try. the thought is just eww.

  • right before he's about to put it in, take a dump right there. it might gross him out enough that he'll stop.

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