Am I the only one who feels like this about p*rn?

[Anonymous]

I know the majority of people watch and enjoy p*rn but I was wondering if anyone felt this way about it, now don't get me wrong I used to watch it when I was younger out of curiosity but now I think it is degrading and disgusting, but does any one feel that 1) p*rn stars are hidous, and plastic, I am 100% natural and 10x better looking than those girls 2) when you catch your (wo)man watching it do you feel like it is a form of cheating but more emotionally, mentally and emotionally? 3) when you do find out your wo(man) has been watching it do you feel like like that you are not good enough? 4) why do people feel the need to watch it when they are in a relationship, and you both have a good appitite for sex? 5) don't you just feel wrong watching it, and then get a wrong impression on how to actually behave in bed? 6) that it gives you unrealistic expectations of your spouse? The reason I ask this is because all of this just went through my head when I found that my man was watching p*rn, and he told me he has a low sex drive and told me he would much rather stay up all night and talk to a girl than have sex, and I find out about his p*rn. I feel really hurt and betrayed, so I was wondering if anyone else out there felt the same. Also I noticed a difference in his behavior in bed, he used to be soft slow gentle and treat me as if I were delicate, and then one day he was rough, forceful and aggressive (which I don't mind) I find it enjoyable, but where it is to the point of hurting me, and I think it is due to him watching this filth. So is there any other person wh has a relationship being affected by this? or feel the same way as I have listed above?

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the p*rn. From your description, I'd definitely bet that you're watching mainstream p*rn straight from the industry. The p*rn I watch (amateur couple p*rn) is very different and I don't get all of those negative feelings from it. It doesn't feel like a product dying to be sold.

But what you mentioned, the thing that happened with your partner... I hear about it happening a lot, guys changing because they want to imitate p*rn. I think the thing that bothers women the most about it is they feel like their sex life has been hijacked by p*rn, that they're losing control over what their partner does in bed, that their partner is going to change. That can be remedied (usually, assuming the guy's not a dipstick) by communicating and making sure that what YOU want has the influence, whether it's similar to what happens in p*rn or not.

[thatoneguy5001]

Ditto to pretty much everything you said. I can't even watch the "mainstream" stuff anymore myself. I might add to your suggestion to the OP that if you can find p*rn that's a little more in line with what you have in mind and get him to watch that (or watch it with him) he might get the idea a little better. Monkey see, monkey do :)

[Opinion Owner]

Yep! Semi-similar: I started an entire Tumblr dedicated to p*rn I actually like, and my boyfriend and I share it. It may not seem particularly helpful but it really has been. Having some influence on it makes you feel less helpless. I also do things on Skype for him to masturbate to, haha.

[Countryman]

Do you both just look up each type of p*rn that you like and share it on the account? Or what?

[Opinion Owner]

I follow a lot of blogs similar to mine, and when I see something sexy (something we like to do, something I'd like to try, etc.), I share it. He tried doing that for a while but he just wasn't successful and kind of let me take over, haha. But we're both pretty involved with it and every once in a while, one particular picture or video will strike up a conversation about doing it. It probably sounds weird but I've found that it feels really healthy.

[onlyaguy]

It's a shame more women are not like you.

[Opinion Owner]

I really don't think I'm anything special. Just to clarify, I do dislike MOST p*rn, many aspects of it make me cringe. Which is one of the main reasons I did all of these things in the first place.

[Anonymous]

1. some are... a lot look hot

2. no issue

3. nope

4. its an escape/fantasy

5. no it gives me new ideas of things to try & lets me know where guys get some of their stupid ideas

6. again no

[Anonymous]

I agree with most of your points. You're certainly not the only one.

I think most people feel that p*rn is wrong but are unable to admit it because of their cognitive dissonance.

[onlyaguy]

I disagree. I don't believe most men feel p*rn is wrong. They might say they do to appease women, but it is women who generally object to p*rn.

[peace-love-couture]

I think she was trying to sound smart but failed

[Opinion Owner]

My goal isn't to "sound smart" my goal is the present the truth

[Asker]

I also believe this same thing, also I am a believer in only having one partner so this is one reason why this kind of thing bothers me, I chose your answer as the best answer because I think it is the most truthful and honest out of them all, thank you for letting me see that I'm not the only one who feels this is wrong. NOW I have to open the battle field with my man, Lol that's not gonna be fun, I just don't see how he could be so disrespectful and even bring that in the house with my kids,

[kheserthorpe]

1) many, yes. Much prefer more natural looking girls then the p*rn ideal. Its not about worshipping natural though - I'd be happier seeing some made up goth/emo/scene looking girl then some blond spray tanned with large breasts. I'm just not into that look.

2) She doesn't. I wish she did, it would show signs of a sex drive.

3) see above.

4) The times in our relationship we were having sex close to the amount I liked, I might have looked at p*rn monthly. Generally I'm looking at p*rn because I'm not satisfied. Most people I know say the same.

5) No.

6) No. I used to think it was unrealistic, I used to assume no women wanted the kind of sex I'd rather be having, but apparently that's not the case.

[Anonymous]

Most p*rn sucks but those aren't the main reasons, if at all. The mainstream p*rn culture is very cheesy to me, though. I don't get the guys that become "addicted" to p*rn and watch it everyday, because most of that sh*t is repetitive, and contradictory. So much emphasis on supposed realism (hell bent on no condoms, etc), but it couldn't look faker with bad acting when they try to make "stories". As far as amateur p*rn, well that's just people f***ing and to watch that everyday also looks boring. Most people want to f*** but are not creative enough to be worthy of being on video. Just my opinion, and it's a minority one.

[TrailOfTears]

1) Yes and that is why I prefer amateurs and why are you comparing yourself to them?

2) No. I do not feel any kind of rivalry towards my computer. Rather it would be nice to watch together.

3) No. I do not think people watch p*rn because their partner is lacking.

4) Someone who feels the need to watch p*rn is addicted and again sex/you are not competing with p*rn.

5) Most people do not consider p*rn a handbook for having a good sex life. P*rn is designed to be visually stimulating not physically satisfying.

6) As opposed to the realistic expectations? Would it not be wonderful if people stopped expecting things all together?

If you are so against him watching p*rn perhaps you can give him some live shows instead? Or take a few pictures perhaps but that is more risky since you don't know where those pictures or videos end up.

[onlyaguy]

Yours is the same mistake many women make. Your man watching p*rn has nothing to do with you. It's not personal, and it's not cheating. If anything, you are the beneficiary of his increased libido (unless he's watching it and then masturbating).

[Asker]

I know that he is not cheating physically but to me it is cheating in your heart,mind, and soul. So it is a different form of cheating, I guess the best way to explain it is thinking of someone else while you are with your woman kind of feeling, but it wouldn't have hurt so much if he didn't laugh and say I was clueless, he does it every time I give him a kiss or any kind of physical attention and then going behind my back, and doing this it is heartbreaking.

[onlyaguy]

Yeah, I don't know you or your guy so I'm just speaking in generalities. But in general, women overreact to p*rn. Men who watch it have no interest in the actors...they are only interested in the act. I'm just saying that you are probably overreacting and taking it far too personally compared to what it really means to him.

[Anonymous]

It's all fantasy. People like to live in a fantasy world because real life sucks.