My boyfriend feels emasculated

I just always feel ready for sex, and whenever we're just relaxing after work or school, I like to be touching him or him touching me and I'm always turned on. The problem is that I'm ready to go again after we're done and my boyfriend can't keep up. We only have sex once a night and that's not enough for me. My boyfriend feels emasculated by this and he says he hates how horny I am, that it's not natural. When I masturbate on my own in the bathroom or shower he gets annoyed if he figures out what I did. What can I do to help the situation?
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Sorry guys, it looks like someone came through and downvoted a lot of people for no reason. :/
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Most Helpful Girls

  • your boyfriend has resorted to telling you that being hornier than he is, as a woman, is unnatural?

    Yeah I'm pretty sure I couldn't tolerate that. We would start fighting.

    He doesn't seem open to understanding your needs, and he blatantly just says they are unnatural to make you think something is wrong with you. men like this are usually hopeless causes. But if you're determined to try to make it work you have a few options. change what makes you happy to coddle his male ego. sit down and talk to him and tell him that you think he's being unfair, and that you don't understand why he has a problem with you masturbating if he can't keep up in bed. Or you could have sex with someone else.

    seriously though, you could sit down and talk to him, but I honestly don't think its going to do much good with men like this.

    And waiting for guys to "reload" doesn't work for me. By the time theyre ready, I'm over it and probably frustrated. If he can't take care of you sexually, it really shouldn't be a problem for you to do it on your own. I'd suggest sex toys or something to incorporate, maybe to wear you out a bit more, or try different things, maybe prolonged foreplay, or have him go down on you for a while before you have sex (does he even go down on you?), etc. but it sounds like you're dealing with a guy who has a serious insecurity issue and may not even be open to changing anything. in which case, you should seriously reconsider things.

    • Thanks. These are my biggest fears, but I agree with you. I don't know if he's going to listen when I talk to him.

  • You need someone with a sex drive equal to or greater then yours'. My man and I do it 3-4 times MINIMUM when we have sex, because I have a very high sex drive, and we don't go super fast right at the start. Men need time to get excited again.

    • But I'm not going to dump my boyfriend just because his sex drive is lower.

    • Talk it over with him then. You will need to communicate more if a part of your relationship isn't working out for one of you.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Your boyfriend is "spinning" this the wrong way, like he's purposely looking to be offended and hurt. And you've kind of let him, which is unfortunate.

    The right answer would have been to tell him, "No, you don't understand. It's YOU. You are so amazing that I can't help but be constantly turned on and horny around you. You turn me on so much that I'm helpless around you. I love your touch and I love to please you."

    If he saw this in a positive way, he'd be far more happy about this.

    He needs to give you foreplay, fingering, and oral and give you a few orgasms before he starts intercourse. That way, he'll wear you out more, and you can both be "finished" at the same time. You'd both be happier that way I think.

    • You're right, I let him get too upset about this. Now he doesn't even like giving me oral or doing anything. Do you think I've ruined this?

    • This is really his issue, and it's not your fault; don't take the blame for it. Yes, you could have helped him see it differently, but, really, he shouldn't have got so offended in the first place. I can't say if your relationship is ruined or not, but I would at least try to salvage it. If he still doesn't get it, and can't be happy, then you might have to go separate ways. At the end of the day, though, you're fine, and you are what most guys really want.

  • It depends.

    Maybe nothing. If he feels emasculated by you -wanting- sex more than him, I think well ... its gonna be tough. Unless he wants to attempt to be hornier.

    On the other hand, if your drive doesn't bother him, but he feels simply he can't keep up and satisfy you ... well ... don't have sex every time. Have him bend you over and pin you down and finger you till you cum. Then half an hour later have him have sex with you till you cum, but he doesn't, just makes you lick him clean. An hour later he can screw you till you both come then go to sleep ...

    • I wouldn't mind that at ALL, but he gets really annoyed that I want to do something when he doesn't. I've told him he can get me off or I could masturbate, I don't care, but he gets really really annoyed.

    • TBH, most people are like this, male and female, from what I see. They want it how much they want it, not much more, not much less.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 11
  • Everyone wants to talk or create drama - ugh

    1. make sure you get to orgasm first

    2. try to orgasm same time as him

    3. now you've gone twice & him once, push him away, act disinterested

    4. wait an hour or so before asking him for help

    5. get topless, pull down his pants and help yourself

    If he can go twice/night, then that's progress.

    • That's a good idea

  • So basically his masculinity is centered on being able to satisfy you and when he can't instead of dealing with that he gets angry at you, blaming you for not being satisfied. This basically comes down to changing his outlook on his masculinity and learning to deal with his frustration. Encourage communication about how he feels and reassure him that you still value him as a man. Counseling would help a lot, but I don't know if you can afford that.

    As to you getting off more maybe research how he could last longer or you could see a sex therapist (if you have the means). Probably you will have to deal with your bfs emotional problems and then get yourself off a couple of times.

  • Yeah I had to dump a girl I dated because she had a higher sex drive than mine. I didn't want to have sex every night much less multiple sex every day. I was never really annoyed if she'd play with herself though. That's better than if she were to have slept with another man.

    • Then why did you dump her?

    • Because she had a higher sex drive than mine. Incompatible.

    • But you guys were dealing with it.

    • Show All
  • you'll find a guy who thinks its awesome.

  • Some guys can go multiple times and some cant. Just facts of life. How would you feel if he wanted sex all the time and you didnt? Only suggestion is that you do something to take care of you again after you have sex v trying to hide it from him. You shouldn't appologize or feel bad for how you are, but you also shouldn't make him feel bad for how he is.

    • I try not to make him feel bad. I try to be really understanding and I do do it on my own, but if he guesses what I'm doing, he gets really annoyed and in a really bad mood.

  • Make him eat a lot of spicy foods and to drop ALL vices.

    • Vices like stress?

    • More like drinking and smoking. But actually.. stress is one of the worst libido killers, so yes.

  • Not your fault!

  • Give the poor guy a chance to reload! ;)

    • I try to!

  • Tantra is a solution. Men's orgasm without ejaculation. After that we can again and again. It can end with ejaculation at bedtime, and may be left for the next day. In morning he will be ready again. After each ejaculation, men need time to be excited again. After an orgasm without ejaculating man is always ready.

    • How do we do that?

    • I have nothing against a minus, I just want to know the reason

  • Try to buy some toys and after he finishes he can use some toys to get you off. While doing that he will probably get up again.

  • Hi,

    Get a different boyfriend. This isn't gonna work out.

    • You do need a guy who can keep up with you. AND there are many many charged up guys with healthy libidos that CAN and WILL keep up with you. You and this guy are a bad match Dump him...you will be much happier with a guy who can satisfy you.

  • Our balls don't have an unlimited supply of juice in them. Cool your jets and show him how to rub you the right away. Sometimes I can't go for multiple sessions, even when I want to. Men preform in the bedroom, women do not. Our physiology means we can't just go on forever without reload periods.

    • I would like to. I don't mind that he can't go for round after round.

    • Just be clear that you're fine with oral/fingering the rest of the way.

  • Grind yourself on his upper thigh when he can't go anymore til your satisfied maybe

    • But after we do that a few minutes later I like to touch him and that's when he gets annoyed.