Is he just horny or is he interested?

[Anonymous]

I work in social services, and I have some people working under me at the ground level. I met all of them just once last March, and I noticed that one of the guys seemed attracted to me, and this was somehow confirmed with our texts and emails to each other, and there was even an instance when he defended me from an engineer at their area who got pissed because we had to change a policy midway through the project. Anyway, we had training just this week. In one of the sessions, one of my subordinates (same level as him, but working in a different region) outed him and told everyone that the guy (let's call him Mark) is attracted to me. Anyway, our training culminated in a party, and he got drunk then. I don't know if he did that purposely before he approached me, but it was clear that he was wasted before he went up to chat with me. We ended up talking from 10 pm to 3 am about the most random topics (we're both geeky, so we ended up talking about topics like our favorite cult films). At one point, he told me to take off my glasses, and then he just stared at me for a few seconds before he told me, "Never wear glasses again." Thing was, he was also saying lines that pretty much made me realize that he wanted to get me in my pants. I'm really confused about the situation because I can't tell if he's just horny or if he's genuinely interested in me. I know him to be a smart and talented guy (that's why there's a part of me that's attracted to him) so the way he acted last night floored me. There's also the problem about us working together. Although the office isn't that strict about office relationships and we don't actually work in the same area, I'm still leery about the situation since I'm technically his supervisor. I'd appreciate feedback from anyone willing to help me out.

[standUP]

I'm positive he does want to sleep with you. Drinking will make people act differently so write that off the best you can. I mean he was still present and coheriant enough to know he may have offended you , but I do get the sense he wants more from you than just bedroom playtime.

The supervisor co-worker deal seems to be the only red-flag. Assume you two already hooked up went good for a week or two then break it off. Someone has harsh feelings about it. How would you feel and handle it and would it be worth it to interfere with the working environment. Keep in mind He would spill about what goes on between you, if he's already letting others know he digs ya.

So your business will be everyone's knowledge, Is that worth it?

[Asker]

Yeah, the friend who pretty much outed him said that the guy wants me. I talked with a friend about the situation, and she said that what was good about the situation was that Mark still had presence of mind not to actually have done something while we were talking, although there really were times when I thought he would kiss me while we were talking, especially when he made me take off my glasses to stare at me. What made you say that he wants something more from me?

[Asker]

If something did happen, I don't think I want it to be just a hookup. I admit I am attracted to him, but yeah, I don't think I can sacrifice the working relationship we have. I don't think he's the type who'll blab about what's going on; I get the feeling that he and his friend were drunk when they talked about me. Sorry for my vague comments. I'm just really confused about the situation. I'm pretty used to guys flirting with me, but what happened between us felt different. I don't know.

[standUP]

By him being concerned about your feelings of how he acted the night before shows me he cares about you more than just a hook up. I know you are constipating a relationship with him , so maybe ask for a casual date as a way of scoping him out for his real interests in you.

[MikeK]

This was a great story. Sounds very similar to many times in my own life... I'm pretty sure he likes you more than just a booty call...

Like standUP said though - you're co-workers, you have to keep your business and personal lives separate.

[Asker]

What made you say that he likes me more than just a booty call? I mean, granted, before the training, he was already flirting over text and email, but I'm just confused about what the extent of his feelings are. He could just be physically attracted to me, and that's it.

[MikeK]

Most men get a bad rep in this respect... most women "think" that guys are only interested in sex, but most are interested in more than that