Sexual Health
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What are your opinons on withholding sex? Guys and Girls...

If you get into an argument with your significant other, and you want to win in the argument, then would this be a good way to get the other person to do what you want? This can go into many different scenarios, but I'll be simple. Say the girl wants to go to an art museum with her boyfriend, husband, fiancee. whatever. but he wants to go to a Yankee's game. would she be right to withhold her body from him until he took her to the art museum? What are your thoughts on this method? How can they backfire? Are they worth it? And do they work better or worse then simple communication? Is this something to be avoided at all costs? Something that should be used as a last resort? And how could the results turn out? Share your thoughts.
Updates:
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I just want to be clear, and I want to be sure that everyone understands that this is NOT my situation. I have absolutely no intentions of withholding sex just to win an argument. The only reason I put this question up was to get some people's honest opinion. I want it to be clear that I don't have sex, and have never had sex, and I won't until I'm married. So this is not my situation. I would like to point out that most of you have answered the way I expected you to. Calling it immature and...
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childish. I also like how some of you pointed out that it is okay if you don't want to have sex because you don't feel like it or are truly upset with your partner, its playing games that is bad. I find it a bit funny that most of the guys here think that if their woman doesn't put out that they would leave her. I find that a bit childish. Come on guys. Really? Maybe she's not having sex with you because we women understand that once a man has sex with a woman, he can leave because he had...
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already gotten what he wanted. That's absolutely ridiculous. Anyways, keep the opinions coming. What you guys have to say is very interesting to me.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Guys and Girls... what are your opinions on withholding sex?

    My opinion is that withholding sex is mainly a male opinion stemming from:

    - entitlement to sex as he thinks sex is a duty owed to him rather than a mutual consensual act to give and get pleasure

    - confusion that a gal wouldn't want to get f*cked by a partner she's upset with.

    If you get into an argument with your significant other, and you want to win in the argument, then would this be a good way to get the other person to do what you want?

    Probably a good way to win an argument with many guys as it seems sex is the most important thing to most guys. Probably not a good way to win an argument with gals considering studies and surveys show most gals don't orgasm or get as much pleasure from sex as guys do.

    Would she be right to withhold her body from him until he took her to the art museum?

    She's 'right' to 'withhold' her body from him and whoever she chooses whenever she wants as no one is entitled to her body.

    What are your thoughts on this method?

    My thoughts on this method is I find it entertaining and it's a suitable response that evens the ground on the guys that think sex is a duty owed to him that cannot be denied without a good reason implying her consent/desire isn't a good reason.

    How can they backfire?

    They can backfire when the guy has other viable sex options or enough self-worth to not be in a relationship where sex is used as an exchange for her demands rather than a mutual consensual act to give and get pleasure.

    Are they worth it?

    They're worth it in my opinion as it probably makes some guys suffer which evens out the gals suffering via obligatory duty sex they grin and bear through.

    And do they work better or worse then simple communication?

    Possibly they work better than simple communication for gals as I highly doubt most guys listen to their girlfriends/wives as it seems most guys label it nagging when a gal is talking about something she wants or something she wants him to do.

    Is this something to be avoided at all costs?

    In my opinion it's something to be avoided at all costs if you love and respect your partner. No different than the mindsets 'sex is a duty', 'sex is an obligation', and 'don't deny sex without a good reason' is something to be avoided at all costs if you love and respect your partner.

    Something that should be used as a last resort?

    In my opinion it's something that can be used whenever a person wants to as I don't do 'should' or 'shouldn't' unless it harms animals or children.

    And how could the results turn out?

    Likely the results would turn out well if it's the gal doing the 'withholding' as it seems most guys are 'skanky sluts'. If he leaves it's not a negative in my opinion as most likely the relationship would end way. If he cheats it's not a negative in my opinion considering statistics show most guys cheat so quite likely he would have cheated even if she didn't 'withhold'.

    • Regular sex is a duty that comes with asking for monogamy.

    • @kheserthorpe Different opinions.

    • @Update It's understandable to me that the guys would leave once she stop spreading her legs for them as it seems most guys solely/mainly care for sex . In my observations few consider the idea that there is a reason why she doesn't want to have sex and fewer actually try to find out that reason. Probably why 'sex is a duty' is such a popular notion among guys as it absolves them ever being in the situation of having to find out why their partner doesn't want sex.

  • Withholding sex from your partner as a means of manipulation is never a productive way of going about things. Especially in scenerios like the one you illustrated above...that's just being petty and will usually only result in making your significant other resentful of you.

    It's one thing to not want to have sex with someone you are upset with, however, withholding sex from your partner simply because you are pissed off isn't necessarily a good thing either. Whenever I find myself in a situation where I am upset with my boyfriend, I don't keep sex from him I just make sure that we talk through our problem first and leave the makeup sex for later.

    I would strongly advise one against withholding sex simply as a way of "getting back" at their partner. Quite honestly, it punishes you as much as it punishes them because you have needs that you are not allowing to be met which could lead to resentment in yourself as well.

    • Well said My Dear!...<3<3<3=D

    • LOL...thank you thank you very much :]

  • I think it's ridiculous, and if that is your solution, you shouldn't be having sex in the first place. Serious relationships require compromises. He wants to go to a Yankee game? Fine, this weekend we'll go to the Yankee game, and next time we are going to the art museum. The art museum will always be there. If both partners aren't mature enough to come to a mutual agreement, then they are not mature enough to be having sex and possibly bring children into the world.

    • this isn't my situation. it was a situation that I came up with with the intentions of it being completely ridiculous. I only asked this question to get people's opinions on the idea of with-holding sex. I've never had sex. so I withhold it from my boyfriend all the time. however, we're both perfectly fine without it until we're married. just thought this should be cleared up. anyways, good answer.

    • That's why I tried not to jump on you personally. I didn't know whether it was your situation, and I wasn't going to assume. Trying to keep it general :)

Most Helpful Guys

  • Not having sex with me cause you don't wanna have sex, you genuinely don't feel like it. Fine.

    Playing games, that just makes me highly disappointed in you, I'll be saddened that you weren't the person I thought you were, I'll be turned off by the game playing and I'll be driven away from you. All in one.

    If you really can't find any other way to get it across to me that taking you to the museum would really mean a lot to you, then our communication sucks, in turn our relationship will suck and we will eventually break up.

    • @ update: Not having sex because you're afraid I'll leave you cause you think all I wanted is sex shows me 3 things: 1- You assume I'm playing you 2- You don't trust me 3- You're insecure Either way, all of these just point to the fact that it won't work out between us, so yeah I'll leave but not because I didn't get sex.

  • Honestly? It's an immature way to try and get things your way. If she did that to me after a few times I would probably end the relationship. If your man isn't willing to compromise or do any give and take on what you guys are gonna do together, then perhaps it's time for you to move on. Much better than using sex as a weapon. You'd be playing right into the worst of female stereotypes.

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What Girls & Guys Said

5 13

  • i always joke about it but I would never actually do so, that just causes more issues. Sex relieves stress and thus would allow them to come to a happier middle ground. If you really want to use sex to win something over, instead of threatening to take it away, offer to fulfill a fantasy if they do what you want... works much better.

  • i wouldn't with hold sex. I wouldn't spring it on him the day of and I'd think we would communicate well enough to know not to over lap dates.

  • We only have one bathroom and I keep a lock on it. If my wife doesn't act right I withhold use of the toilet. It keeps things flowing smoothly cuzz she hates to poop on the carpet.

    • sounds completely fair.

    • Now you're being reasonable. ; - )

  • My advice would be to break up with anyone who does this.

    Immediately.

    • Regarding your update - well I did -not- leave in the past, and that was a huge mistake. On a long term basis, being in a 'monogamous' relationship with someone who is not physical with you is just a mutual celibacy pact. I'm not interested in that. On a short term basis, if someone is using sex as leverage, that's no more acceptable then refusing to speak to your partner for days if they don't do what you want. Intimacy - like communication - is part of the glue of a relationship.

  • *In response to your Update:

    Regardless of how childish you think it may be,

    Tried and true, if you withhold sex from a guy for long enough, he WILL either leave you or seek other women.

    Morals aside, it isn't operationally effective for a girl to assume that sex isn't the pinnacle of the value a man places in her.

  • Withholding sex from me would be a good way to get me to leave you.

    I don't care what you reasoning is.

  • lol, how old are you?

    • Probably 40 and married. Its really, really common among married couples who 'know' their partner can't go elsewhere.

    • no matter the age, people will leave, trust me

    • 18

  • i wouldn't introduce any kind of childish game playing into my relationship. as well as not having a relationship that is soley based on sex. I would always prefer to work things out to both of our interests.

  • Well it might not be easy to have sex with someone with whom you are angry? But, when girls withhold sex...they are frequently sending the message that sex is the most important thing they have to offer a man...and I would be very careful about that...o.O

  • Yankee stadium is an art museum. But anyways, arguments should be settled in a way that leaves both people satisfied and without resentment. I wouldn't stay with someone that sets requirements for banging.

  • would it be right for the husband (assuming he's the sole bread winner) to withhold the house and food/bed from you if you didn't have sex with him?

  • Women should do it more often

  • Take it yo

  • You have to pick your battles. I think you should only withhold sex when its something very very serious, or you're so upset with him you don't want him touching you.if he leaves, well statistically you would have broken up eventually anyway so who cares. Wash, rinse and repeat lol

  • The last girl that did this to me, I cheated on with a female friend. I don't regret it in the least. She never even knew that she wasn't getting her way until she realized that I didn't seem to be mad at her withholding, because it was one of her mutual friends that was willing to get my needs met. Seriously, no attractive man who has girls interested in him will allow a woman to p**** whip him into being an involuntary celibate sackless wimp.

    I'd cheat on any future girlfriend who held out on me for very long. If you don't want to fulfill my needs, I'm going to call up some female friends and they'll take care of business in your place. This has to be one of the all-time worst strategies ever, unless your with a man who is a complete failure with other women. If the guy is even remotely attractive and has game, he's going to be cheating on your butt in a New York Minute. I did, and lots of other guys will as well.

    • Update: If a girl doesn't want to put out early on in the dating stage, I understand that and respect it. I just expect her to split all the bills as we go. I won't have a girl eat a bunch of dinners on my tab and not put out. If she doesn't want to put out, that's fine, but I don't like female freeloaders who want to eat on a free dime prior to making love. It works both ways.

  • That is a disgusting/horrible/immature way to resolve things. It should never be used. Ever.

  • That's totally fine, just don't be mad when he cheats on you.

  • I've had two girls do this, and I broke up with them within the week. Sex isn't something a girl can play hostage with to get her way. I don't hang around emotional terrorists and that's what a girl is who does this. That is, she's a complete bitch. I'm not going to go around and beg a girl for sex, nor am I going to force myself on her like a rapist, but I'm certainly not going to give in to such a brat that thinks she "rewards" her man for giving into her childish ways of demanding to do certain things or else no sexy time.

    F*** that!

    I'm glad I moved on from the two girls that were like that. The girls I've dated since have been much smarter and realize that no man who respects himself will allow himself to stay in a sexless relationship due to a bratty girl calling the shots. Hell no. Give me the girl that will allow me to make out with her when we're angry. Angry sex is hot sex, and we can work out our differences later.

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