Sexual Health
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What do you think about premarital sex?

I'm Catholic and I was always taught that you should wait to have sex until your marriage. But now that I am older I'm wondering if sex before marriage is really so bad. I'm talking about sex in a meaningful, loving, committed relationship not one-night stands and randoms hookups. My reasoning behind this is that sex is an important part of a intimate relationship/marriage and how will you know if you and your partner are sexually compatible if you don't do it. Does this make sense? I have never read the Song of Solomon, but I have heard that it is implied they had sex before they got married. Is this true?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Breeding is a primal urge that all creatures possess. All of them. It ensures the survival of the species. A species has the instincts to breed but not the intelligence save humans and perhaps whales. Instincts does not care about morals, personal preferences and potential harm that comes with breeding, it's done because it's part of nature.

    Humans possess the intelligence(or lack thereof) to either enhance sex or override it. Men have a tendency to enhance sex because it's fun, exciting, provocative, naughty and so on. We really don't care much about how hot she looks, moral stigmas, bra size and so on; as long as we are getting some, it's OK. Women are the exact opposite: they tend to override their primal urge because of choices in their men, social perceptions, 'god is watching', what parents think...the reasons are infinite. Put these factors together and you have bloody disaster in our society.

    Sex is good when YOU want it and not when the other person does. Sex is not an obligation unless you are getting paid for it. Sex is normally done for the thrill of giving and receiving. Catholism attacks your guilt and does an astounding job of it. Ever wonder why they keep teaching you, "God is everywhere, he sees all and knows all, you can't hide from his omnipotence?" It's to make you watch over your shoulder and think about your actions regardless of their intentions. Sex is important but not that important to save it for one person only. Otherwise everyone would be married, including the "not-my-type" men because if they EVER want sex, they better marry someone.

    I'm all for sex, I encourage sex, I endorse sex and plead to you not to wait much longer. You should have been ready for it by now but don't expect too much due to your inexperience. It's up to you how you want it: one-nighters, sex-flings, one partner only or whathaveyou. I'm not one to tell a woman not to do it, it would contradict my sexual beliefs(EVERYONE GET LAID!).

    Hope this helps.

  • Solomon had sex with over 1000 women according to the Bible.. And king David also had Concubines. Polygamy (men having multiple wives) Was also common back then. Several men in the bible are mentioned as being married to more than one woman. Plus during the Bronze age when the bible was written it wasn't unheard of for people to get married sometimes as young as 12 or 14 years old. Obviously time change. And laws change. But you really have to understand the culture at that time. It was all about Male Dominance. And the bible has a very cruel attitude towards women.

    For instance in Dueteronomy 22:28-29. It says if a Man Rapes a woman who is not married. He must pay her father 50 shillings of silver. And she will be forced to marry him for life. Women being forced to marry there attackers. Does the catholic chruch ever mention this? Cause its clearly in the bible. I don't mean to insult your beliefs. I personally just don't see anything wrong with 2 consenting adults having a loving relationship (Including Homosexuals) love is love.

    And the bible is over 3000 years old and full of brutal outdated laws.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I think its perfectly fine. I wouldn't want to have sex after marriage because what happens if they suck at sex? What happens if you feel nothing for them sexually? You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first would you? Sex isn't the only part of a relationship but it is important. I think sex is fine in itself. I don't think it's sacred, I don't think it's a sin, I don't think anything of it. To me it is what it is: Sex. A fun time, a way to get off etc. People who have one nights stands "free love" good for them. As long as they're safe. People who have sex in a relationship. Good for them. People who have sex after marriage. Good for them. Sex is different for everyone. As long as it's not causing you emotional and physical damage why should it be viewed as such a bad thing?

    • +1

  • As a catholic you know in god's eyes sex before marriage is a no no. It gets you to hell basically. If you look at teens and young adults having sex especially when they aren't in a long term relationship, it often ends bad. unwanted pregnancies, broken hearts and Stds and I think the whole don't have sex before marriage rule is there too protect people from that. But people cheat all the time so you can a broken heart and get stds even if you have been married for 30 years. Its your body and you can do whatever you wanna do.

  • I am a Christian. I was taught to wait until marriage to have sex. I didn't make it.

    When I was 25, my then-bf whom I'd been seeing for about a year seduced me as a special birthday present. I was reluctant, but I eventually relented.

    Since then, I've had 5 partners in all. I've thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it. I went to bed with one guy on our second date. (I was tempted on our first.) Now, he's my husband. He's the best!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Having sex before marriage is essential, because unless you understand the person you are going to marry sexually and communicate sexually, then you shouldn't be marrying them, so don't trust the religious quotes, they are out of date and shou be removed, but one nights are not something you want to endulge in, hey are worthless acts that mean nothing,x

  • I am not into religion the only religion I believe is humanity. So I really don't care about them and for me until I am committed to someone I am open to have sex.

  • It's very much amazing.

  • I'm Christian, so I used to think like you but I had to come to a realization at one point. "Yes", the Bible tells us that sex is sacred, God's gift to us, a thing and should be only reserved for our spouse but you have to keep in mind when that was written and how society worked back then.

    It took me a while to understand WHY God told us to follow that rule but it makes perfect sense when you think about it. If you never have sex with anyone else besides your spouse/future husband, then you won't know the difference between good sex and bad sex because you will have only ever been with one person. And trust me when I tell you that sex can easily be the undoing of a marriage, no matter how much you think you love the person, it's an essential part of a healthy relationship. Now I'm not telling you to go sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry out there but if you're only ever with one person then you maybe having sex, not liking it and not realize that it's not good for you because you won't know any better, makes sense? So I'm not telling you to go nuts but in my personal opinion, there's nothing wrong with finding that perfect connect with someone, communication, trust, attraction, sex and similar interests.

  • Religious values originally served the purpose of self-governance. Back then there was no effective birth control or condoms to protect from pregnancy and STDs. It was also important to raise children in a two-parent household (it still is) so the baby had the best opportunity for a prosperous life. If you play it safe there really is no need to wait.

    Of course there is the romantic idea of two lovers experiencing sex for the first time being an irreplaceable moment in life. In that sense I respect and support a girl's choice to wait until marriage. It sucks that my history can be held against me cus I've met some religious girls who are (honest to God) worth the wait.

  • Sex is amazing. Plain and simple. There's no other way that level of intimacy can be achieved. Marriage doesn't hold a lot of value anymore in my opinion, 65% of them failing. If you love someone, I think you should MAKE love to them.

    I think Pre-marital sex is fine if you're in a committed, loving, relationship. Outside of a relationship, not even close.

  • No sex before marriage is like not test driving a car before buying it.

    As far as hookups go, nobody is forcing you to engage in it (I say "you" in a general sense, not you specifically) but it is simple common curtosy to leave the ones who do choose to engage in it alone.

    As for passionate and loving sex, everybody should have it and why do you need a ring on your finger and recite a few lines to have it is beyond me.

    • i agree with you, but playings devils advocate here. Waiting for sex until marriage would be like finally driving a car that appreciates in value the moment you drive it off the lot. (i.e. because you waited the sex was better, and the more times you do it the better it becomes.) Thats my best argument I could come up with. Although I still agree with you.

    • I'll bite. While that may be true, I think the best case senario is it will only make you keep that car for a little bit longer unless whatever car you bought is PERFECT for you and will be perfect for the rest of your life. I just turned in my small economy car for a full-size pickup, doesn't mean I didn't like my small economy car.

  • Organized religion can really mess you up if you aren't compatible with it. You "wonder" something, so you are likely incompatible with Catholicism. Perhaps you should try Buddhism.

    To answer your question: it makes perfect sense for most people. Nothing is going to make sense to everyone, though. Why religion continues to try to make people feel bad about their natural sexual instincts is beyond me, but it doesn't matter: you can either subscribe to it or not. For all their fancy garments, archaic rituals, and elaborate cathedrals, there is still no reason to take their word for it.

    • PREACH!

  • If you start thinkink that sex before marriage is a good thing, you are walking wrong way. Commited relationship equals marriage. No marriage no actual commitment.

  • Only after marriage was the option when there wasn't any kind of reliable protection.

    Right now as you said - it's fine before marriage, as long as you're really serious - so technically it doesn't matter are you married or not as long as there's mutual loyalty and respect.

    ..and in contrary - plenty of marriages aren't 'sacred' at all - many women marry rich men only for their money, some people marry even for political reasons and so on.

    However - sex before marriage with someone you barely know.. well - c'mon, they must be looking to get herpes, totally not worth for the 5 minutes!

  • If you start bringing in the word "but" against what you read in the holy books, then this question is pointless. Indeed there are some curses of old times that got abolished but God's rules do not get stale whether you are in 5th or 25th century.

  • It's supposed to be a sin, but it's a sin I've been guilty of.

  • No marriage no actual commitment.

  • I don't care and see no big deal about it

    • lol 2 down votes has changed my mind. Sex b4 marriage is the devils work!

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